You’ve heard the phrase “kill them with kindness” as a way to deal with difficult people. Well lately I’ve had a situation involving some very difficult people and rather than responding to them with the same level of what I judged as rudeness, I chose to act kindly. In my conversations and email correspondences I was friendly and clearly stated my intention to resolve the issue between us in a peaceful way. Yet with each exchange, the response I received seemed more and more unreasonable and downright mean. Kindness wasn’t working. If anyone was getting killed, it felt like me.

Then it hit me, I wasn’t being kind from an authentic place. I wanted something, specifically for the situation to be resolved in the way I wanted because I felt attacked. I may have been acting kind but in my mind I was killing them with anger and judgment while feeling hurt.

Have you ever acted kindly hoping it would get you want you want? When we are trying to manipulate a situation we are coming from our ego which is not where true kindness is inspired. I had an opportunity to recognize this, apply some kindness to myself and gently coax myself off my position of “they are wrong and I am right.” I was able to see the situation from a different perspective and let go of my attachment to wanting them to be nice back to me. De-personalization was a major key. Sometimes people just are upset and it’s not our job to “kill them with kindness” until they are not upset anymore.

So although kindness did not inspire a change in their behavior, something interesting has been happening to me the past few days after my own authentic kindness began to shine through in this situation. Other people have been extraordinarily kind to me. I have been the recipient of countless random acts of kindness. Go figure. I love how the Universe works and how kindness shines so bright.

Fondly,
Christine

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