Growing up I had to be the smartest girl in class. I would spend hours on homework and get up at 6am to prepare for a test; anything close to a B was unacceptable. And the one time I did get a B, it was devastating. My obsession with getting top grades was not because I loved school or that my parents put any pressure on me.

I had to be the smartest girl in the class because that is how I compensated with also being the girl in the class who was teased and ostracized. To compensate for the insecurity I felt, I decided at a very young age that I had to be smarter than everyone else. My grades were the one thing I felt like I could control.

This began a long pattern of consistently putting myself in situations where I could appear smart. If ever in a situation where I didn’t know something, I’d pretend to know about it just to look smart!

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I decided years ago to break free of my compensatory strategy of being a know-it-all so that I can actually learn, grow, and be vulnerable enough to truly connect with people. Now I consistently put myself in environments where I am around people who know a lot more than I do and I stretch myself by asking questions that may appear “stupid.”

For example, last summer I randomly was invited to attend a networking event with people who are passionate about politics, global security and the economy – all areas I knew very little about. I justified my ignorance by judgmental thoughts like, “I just don’t want to take on the negative energy of those subjects.” But the truth is, as a citizen and someone committed to making a difference in the world, those subjects are important to be informed about!

I decided to join the organization, Gen-Next, to truly stretch myself. To put myself in rooms with people who know a LOT more than I do about certain subjects. A few weeks ago, I was able to take an incredible trip to D.C. with the group and be in rooms with Senators, Congressman, and major influencers (and as an aside, I was one of the very few women in the room so to all the ladies, it’s time for us to get more involved!).

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During the trip I made the promise to myself to let myself look stupid. What does looking stupid mean?

It means asking any question that I wanted even if everyone else in the room knew the answer. It means asking someone to clarify something they are talking about instead of pretending I know what they are talking about. It means being willing to embody the curiosity of a child so that I can truly learn. It means putting aside insecurities of how I could be perceived so that I can grow.

I encourage you to put yourself in situations and around people where you can look stupid. It’s liberating!! I use the word stupid intentionally because it means: “Lacking intelligence.” Intelligence means: “The ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.” We ALL lack intelligence about certain subjects until we gain the knowledge and skills; therefore, we are ALL stupid at times – and that’s how we grow!

I had a blast in D.C. and acquired a TON of knowledge because I didn’t care about being the smartest girl in the room. And I was reminded that other people really love looking smart, so when we do ask questions, they are happy to answer them. In fact, I made a lot of great connections and friendships because my curiosity and innocent questioning created immediate rapport with people. They loved my refreshing naivety!

Take this advice from Peter Drucker, “Discover where your intellectual arrogance is causing disabling ignorance and overcome it. Far too many people – especially people with great expertise in one area – are contemptuous of knowledge in other areas or believe that being bright is a substitute for knowledge.”

The Universe has blessed us with an abundance of information, don’t stay in your comfort zone of what you know already. Being the smartest one in the room is overrated (and lonely!). Caring about how smart people think you are is actually rather stupid. Being willing to put yourself in situations where you lack intelligence is actually incredibly smart.

With love,
Christine