It’s time to get over it!

My hunch is you are carrying around something that is very heavy and causes you unnecessary suffering.  This thing blocks you from the experiences and connections you desire. It weighs you down, holds you back and robs you of joy.

What is this dreadful thing I am talking about?

It is your story.

You see we all create a story about ourselves and the way life works for us based on experiences we have had.  And usually parts of this story are pretty negative. Common self-defeating and deflating story lines include: “I do not belong, I am not enough, life is hard, people are not trustworthy, everyone else is better, something is wrong with me, I am not deserving, I should be doing more, I need to make others happy, love is painful, etc.”

Super uplifting story lines, huh?

No! But I bet you can relate to a few of them.  You are not alone. Part of the old story I carried around for decades had to do with not belonging or being likable. This story stopped me from doing things in my life or made doing certain things miserable.

Over the weekend I attended my friend Gabby’s wedding and reflected upon how liberating it was not to carry around that old story that would have either prevented me from going to an event alone across the country; or, made the weekend unpleasant if I did go because of the tape from an old story playing in my head. Thank goodness that old story is out of syndication in my mind!

Today I want you to have the same freedom and enjoy your life even more by putting down the heavy load of outdated and limiting beliefs that, by the way, ARE NOT TRUE!!  It’s time to drop the happiness-killing negative story that goes off in your head and impacts your experience and your results.

Here’s how:

Put yourself in situations that stretch you outside your comfort zone and practice creating a new desirable story during an experience where the tapes from your old stories would have played. In order to truly drop our story, we must rewire our brain.  We can only do that when we are in situations that trigger the old script and consciously write a new one.

For example, if you have an old story about not being enough that makes you feel insecure and avoid social situations, then get yourself out there! If you have an old story about not feeling heard, start speaking up or take a class in public speaking.  If you have an old story around rejection, ask someone for something. If and when you feel that old story creeping in, consciously catch it and choose how you want to feel, think and act instead.

Transformation is energetic.  If your personal growth work involves only analyzing yourself, processing your past, and pontificating or planning your future, you will not shift on an energetic level.  Stop playing it so safe of you want different results.  Get yourself out there and gift yourself with the opportunity to drop that old heavy load of you-know-what you’ve been carrying around.

I want to hear about the stories you are dropping and the new ones you are writing so head over the blog and leave a comment!

Love,

Christine

 
p.s. Would you like a behind the scenes look into all of my lifehacks? The
doors to my Inner Circle are open and you can receive regular coaching from
me, learn incredible new personal growth tools and lifestyle tips, receive
a custom meditation each month, and be a part of an awesome community of
like-minded people! Go here to learn more.

  • Hilke

    Thank you, Christine, I really needed to hear today that changing our story needs US to get out there and DO things, not just analyse, not just contemplate, not just internally change ….
    it makes me think of the quote “love is a verb” …
    today I’d like to change it to “self-love is a verb !! it needs ACTION(S).
    Thank You !!!
    Hilke

    • Christine Hassler

      Self-love is indeed a verb, yes!

  • http://www.innerartcreations.com/ Kelsey Fox Bennett

    Fabulous! Hope you had fun at the wedding! xoxo

    • Christine Hassler

      It was a blast!!

  • Raissa

    HI Christine !
    I’m from Belgium and I’m really enjoying your articles and vlog ;-) So, in response to this one I have a story that I’m dropping off today. I’ve been overweight most of my teenage years. I’m 24 now and a couple a years ago I found that by my beliefs, I was meant to be vegan. It really change me and my body but I have this pattern : I get all motivated, I plan, etc, etc but than my old ways come back again and I’m back on the same road. I feel like I never get all the way with something. So yesterday was my sister’s birthday and we decide to reborn hahahha. She blew a 1 year candle like it’s a all new story again. Felt pretty liberating. I’m writing a all new story NOW !

    Thank you for your work, your inspiration, and smile.
    Hope to meet you someday,
    Love.

    • Christine Hassler

      Happy Birthday to your new and updated story!

      • Raissa

        Thank you ! ;-)

  • Zugadore

    You are one of my daily affirmations.

    • Christine Hassler

      :)

  • Kristen

    I’ve been following your blog since I read The Twenty-something Manifesto and you continue to hit the nail on the head but touching on topics I need to reflect on. The story I’ve been telling started when I was 16 and I was rejected by peers and started to believe I wasn’t good enough. I became more reserved, fearing failure in the eyes of others, and decided to focus on how I could appear to be successful – obsessing over fitness, nutrition and achievements. I kept this perspective throughout college and into the early years of my first/current job. I’m finally realizing that ignoring my emotional heath has become the common denominator of my unbalanced perspectives that have been road blocks to my own self love and acceptance. I’m now prioritizing emotional health at the top of my list to create more balance because true success is shaped in how we approach life and our attitude, not how others view us and our accomplishments. I’m establishing the habit of mindfulness, checking in with myself when thoughts turn negative and working on building a stronger sense of self that will prevent me from being preoccupied with thoughts of others rejecting me. As I write my new story, I plan to be able to take risks and know that if I fall, I will learn from the experience and get right back up. At the end of the day, the only person who needs to accept me is ME and I have complete control over that. How liberating!!

    • Christine Hassler

      WOO HOO!! This is amazing and inspiring, Kristen!!

  • Launna

    You would be right Christine… I work hard to overcome those feelings… the main one I have is that I can’t seem to have a decent relationship… I finally found the love of my life and even though I was happy and positive… it ended for no reason. Now I find it impossible to allow myself to love again. I don’t know how ti change that…. :-(

    • Christine Hassler
      • Launna

        Thank you Chistine, I already read, follow and adore Mastin. This issue is not anything that a simple thing will help. I appreciate that you thought of him for me though….

        • Christine Hassler

          Hey Launna – it was actually a blog I wrote specifically on what you shared about…did you click on the link? yes, Mastin is great but I was sending you to content from me that is on his site that I thought may help :)

          • Launna

            Thank you Christine, I have heard this before. I’m sorry… honestly nothing will help. I don’t believe in love anymore, it’s much to painful when it finally really happens for me and goes away. I can’t believe that I’m supposed to learn anything from this… other than I’m not lovable. This isn’t new, this ended almost two years ago and I have tried to work through it over and over. Yes, I’ve become a better version of me… still very sad though… even though other things have changed… thank you again….

          • Christine Hassler

            I hear you Launna, and I know it’s possible for you to love again despite all the hurt. Consider the payoff you are getting from your story – it probably is some form of protection. Love from other starts with self-love so my wish for you is to find the love for yourself from yourself. YOU ARE LOVABLE. I know this to be true because it is true for all of us.

          • Launna

            Thank you again Christine, I guess we will agree to disagree on this… if you knew my track record with men you might think differently. I finally met someone who was everything I wanted. I have bettered myself, changed my whole life around for me, lost a considerable amount of weight, quit smoking, exercise regularly, eat very healthy. Still, I am not happy,… I put that fake smile on, I pretend it is okay and I keep powering through to get to the other side of this pain… yet I am still wading in the pain. Not sure why I would stay in it if I could get out of it… I truly want to be happy, I always have wanted to be happy… or at least have joy… I write my own blog and I try to bring out the positive… In the last few days, I have wondered if it is all worth it, I am taking a hiatus from blogging and social media… I am trying to be with just me and figure out if this is all worth it… I don’t know the answer yet. I am sure it will take weeks or months of just being with me and not covering everything with social addictions… Maybe I am just not meant to be loved, the only thing I ever wanted in this world…..(Christine, I survived a fire that burned me terribly as a child, it tore our family a part, I then dealt with child abuse at the hands of my step mother for years, physical and emotional… then I was a young single mother who raised my daughter on assistance, I kept bettering myself, she turned out great… Then I married a man who ended up being controlling and demoralizing, I found the strength to leave him… he raped me… Then when I moved through all this, I reconnected with this other man and felt finally, I deserved to be loved and it ended for no reason… I just don’t think I could ever set myself up to ever feel that pain again. Because the truth is that I would take back every single painful day in my life to not feel the pain I have had to deal with from losing him. That was worse than anything else I ever dealt with…

          • Christine Hassler

            I hear you, and I will agree to disagree with you and continue to be a stand for your lovability. Light to you – you have been through A LOT…but again, none of it makes you unlovable.

          • Launna

            Thanks, it’s not that I think I am unlovable at all… I am lovable. I have many friends and people in my life, I actually love myself very much and I hold myself in very high regard. I did come through all that awful stuff and became better because of it… Yet, the one thing I have always wanted eludes me, I actually found it with him and now it is gone… Truthfully the pain from losing him will never be worth trying again, if it can’t work with someone I trusted with my whole heart and loved even more, I cannot imagine seeing it work with anyone else. Yes Christine, I am lovable and I am worth it, I deserve all that I desire… that is not the problem, I am full of self esteem and self worth… very much so… Yet I am still not happy…

  • Liz

    You looked so pretty for Gabby’s wedding! Thank you for that reminder, it is one that we can so easily pass to others. Blessings to you all your grace and spirit.

    • Christine Hassler

      Happy to serve as a “reminder” :)

  • Mirah

    Amazing timing, Christine. I have a similar story to yours and those “old” feelings still surface from time to time, but I’ve been struggling with them a little more lately, for some reason. Thanks for sharing your insight. It’s always great to know that we’re all going through similar things.

  • am

    Thank you for this entry, and for the constant motivation on your blog. I really, really appreciate it, and often check it out whenever I’m having doubts ever since reading (and re-reading) your book Twenty Something Manifesto. And I’m extra glad that I checked your blog out today.

    I’ve been thinking about relationships recently. It just seems so hard to find someone suitable – the good ones seem to be all taken – and I start panicking that I’d be single forever (and I’m only 22). When I dig deeper, I guess it’s because I fear the vulnerability of a relationship, and I often attribute this fear to my parents’ relationship (I don’t blame them though – I understand that even ‘adults’ make mistakes). This morning, I even made a list of all the reasons why I’m unsuitable to fall in love. Some of the reasons make actual sense – falling in love is like an expectation – but I can see how as the list goes on, I’m simply indulging myself in my story: I believe that I’m unlovable and disgusting because of the effect my parents’ failed relationship had on me, and that any relationship that I have will definitely end up like theirs.

    In a way, this story has become my protection, an excuse for adamantly remaining in singlehood even though I crave for love and approval sometimes (in dark moments at night, haha). But I know that it’s more detrimental than helpful – it affects how I project myself in school and at work. I underestimate myself, overcompensate for everything and ignore my health. I think…it’s really time to let my story go. It has served its purpose, but it’s of no use now. And one reminder to myself is: others’ stories do NOT dictate mine. I want to write my own stories with my own beliefs, values and effort.
    I also clicked on the link you posted in the comments (Why it ended with the one…) and it is so enlightening! In fact, some of the reasons why I talked myself into not falling in love is reflected in your article, only that you put them in a more positive light which allowed me to see that while my beliefs are not ungrounded, they should be viewed differently to become more constructive than destructive.
    Thank you so much for opening my eyes and my heart. Sending lots of sunshine and kisses, to you and everyone reading this blog. I look forward to your work – this blog and your new book (!) :) Yes, I will work on letting go of my story, and just trust the Universe.

  • Tiffany Lynn Lepp

    Christine, part of my old story had to do with fear that I wouldn’t be as successful as I thought I SHOULD be. I’ve since re-defined what success means to ME and I’m now living a life more in line with my authentic self.

  • Veronica

    I recently attended two new groups in an area of town that previously had three old relationships residing. It was SO much fun, and I am so happy I made the trek to attend these events. It was risky, but I knew with great risk comes great reward (usually). You are so right, I will create new memories in this space. Thank you!

  • Sam

    Thank you for your work Christine. I’m here with paper and pencil with two columns: A. The old story and B. The New story and I am opening myself to the challenging situations that births the new story. Be Blessed.

  • Jenny Suarez

    Just ehard your podcast with Joe Rogan and ended here. I have the old story of being a single mom, cheated on and of being irresponsible with my kids. Allthough I am a good mother now and I have a good boyfriend I still feel terrible guilt for not being great with my kids and a fear of being left again. Just today i came across the realization of not being a victim and changing my story. I dream of being a woman like you. I envision myself helping other women but have never really done anything about it. I sat on a cubible for now 13 years KNOWING this is not for me but yet waking up every day to do it.

    • Christine Hassler

      HI Jenny — glad you found your way here :) I really suggest reading Expectation Hangover – I became who I am today using the skills/tools I share in that book :) And whatever you see in me you have in you!!!