Is it better to use your head or heart when faced with a decision?

Decisions . . . they can be liberating or paralyzing.

They are liberating if we relish in the freedom we have when it comes to choosing everything from our outfit to our job to our thoughts.

But they are paralyzing if we hang out in limbo waaaaaaay to long going back and forth between options. Our head may be telling us one thing while our heart is nudging us toward another.

When it comes to making a choice, is better to listen to our head or our heart? In today’s vlog I share about a recent decision I was in limbo about for weeks because my head and heart were not in agreement.

We are all blessed with both analytical thought and intuitive feelings, which are both useful when it comes to making a choice.  You may be thinking since I am so passionate about personal growth that I would encourage making heart-based over head-based decisions. And yes, most of time that is what I would encourage but sometimes, we have to let our head be a little louder.

For instance, recently I was faced with a business decision about hiring a company to work with.  Both companies were amazing and I was incredibly torn mostly because my heart wanted to pick one and my head wanted to pick the other. Ultimately what I realized is that the choice I was making was not one where allowing my personal feelings to get involved was wise.  Get the full story in the vlog.

Your heart is incredibly wise; however, sometimes what feels like inner knowing is actually an emotional response that could be coloring your better judgment.  When our emotions take over in decision-making, we do not think as clearly.  Of course you do not want the pro/con lists your head makes to silence the wisdom of your heart, which is why it is important to differentiate between what is truly your intuition versus emotional attachment to something.

When you are in limbo about a choice, consider your values and long-term vision. Put aside your feelings for a moment and ask, “What choice is going to take me toward my vision and is most aligned with my values?”

Then trust the guidance you receive.  And remember . . . Open your heart but do not let your brains fall out @christinhassler (Tweet this!).

If you are struggling with a head vs. heart decision, head over to the blog and post a comment- I’d love to help!



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  • Glendon Gross

    Excellent insights! You reminded me how the words “heart” and “mind” used to be interchangeable, such as how they are used in the bible. The heart was the seat of emotion and thought until Descartes, when thought was elevated to a higher standing than emotion in western culture. Your video presents a good balance, and I like that.

    • Christine Hassler

      Awesome point Glendon, thank you and bless you

  • Lisa

    I feel like I’m in a delima right now. I’ve been in a relationship with someone for 6 months now. Sometimes I feel disconnected with him and think I should break up with him and go out again with my ex whom I broke up with in January. I still have feelings for my ex and I know he still has feelings for me. My mind is telling me to pause and see where it goes with my current relationship but my heart feelings are with my ex. What to do, what to do???

    • Christine Hassler

      Hi Lisa….my encouragement would to put pause on both and spend at least three months in partnership with YOURSELF. It is hard to get clear when we are bouncing between 2 people

  • Karina

    love this! thank you christine! i’ve always have hard times to make decisions probably for the fact that its really difficult for me to say NO! i’m learning the hard way.

    • Christine Hassler

      I hear you Karina – NO is a YES to YOU :)

      • Karina

        thank you! =) by the way i’m from Dominican Republic. it is great to know that your words and wisdom are going down the continent! good luck on you journey

        • Christine Hassler

          Awe, I love that!!

  • hodjinou djombol

    Such a dilemma; i think i will eaguerly go to pray to god; laidown with myself denial unto he’s will.

  • Mary

    Hi Christine, I love all your vlogs. Your so beautiful and your words are always sincere and from the heart. My question is: I’ve tried online dating many times, and I’m done, at the same time, I am looking for a partner (and it’s been 9 years), so I don’t know what to do next as my doubts sneak in, (I’ve done all my “spirtual work, forgiveness, etc.. Thank you

    • Christine Hassler

      Hi Mary – The first thing that comes up for me is to encourage you to totally surrender it…now I know you may think you already have but I bet there is a deeper level. Become the BEST partner to yourself that you can possibly be and allow God to be your matchmaker. And look out for an upcoming blog on the perks of being single either this week or next week :)

      • Alana

        Looking forward to that post! (:
        I’ve also always have doubts in relationship matters (more like, the lack of a relationship in my life), and would love to read your insight. And I love what you wrote – allow God to be your matchmaker – what a great perspective!

        Thank you for the awesome posts, and I look forward to reading more (:

      • mary

        Thanks Christine

  • Alisa

    Hi Christine, would love to hear you make videos or blog posts regarding why people we like & fulfill our lists of potential partner (adventurous, hardworking, caring…) always don’t fall for us, whereas people whom we don’t really admire their personality for (boastful, lazy, complaining…) tend to be attracted to us.

    Would u mind to provide some suggestions as well how to break free from this situation. Couldn’t wait to hear good news from you!! Thanks for ur amazing blog posts :)

  • Bill Gasiamis

    HI Christine. I love your video about decisions and that they require more than one intelligence to get us the best outcomes. I do some work here in Australia in that actually incorporates the gut in decision making as well. i.e the things we do in life should all be heart based, with courage from the gut to take action and creativity from the head to give us unique ways of achieving our goals. I discovered this body of work when i was recovering from a brain injury caused by three brain bleeds and my head brain didn’t have the capacity to make useful decisions. Tapping into my Heart and Gut really drove the decision making and I found that i could still function in life without my head being totally online. Oh by the way did you know that the Head, Heart and Gut are no all being referred to as Brains? going to download your podcast now looking forward to hearing more from you. Smiles Bill Gasiamis

  • Mia

    Recently I had to make a decision between my dream job and pay but in bad location and bad timing. Timing was bad because they wanted me there before Christmas and both kids birthday are around Christmas. In addition, I would have to leave one kid behind with dad and possibly missed her birthday. I asked for extension they said the position needed to be filled right away. The position is located in San Francisco where cost of living is high and even though the money is good I wouldn’t be able to afford home there for another year or two. I currently reside in florida and I have a home, a family and another job offer that will give me a promotion in 4 months base on performance. After turning san francisco down I feel terribly wrong and my heart is telling me that I should took the position. Is it right to feel this way?

    • EC

      What did you do?

  • Ali

    I am from MA and lived and worked in Indianapolis as a RN for a year. I moved to Indy for my relationship. The place I worked was a well-known teaching hospital and I gained a substantial amount of experience and received great references. My long term relationship ended so I decided to move back to MA. This is where I was offered 2 amazing nursing opportunities. Both have pros and cons.

    I was offered a Nursing position South of Boston. I have always wanted to live near or in Boston and the ocean. Aside from living in Indy for that year, I was born in raised in Western Mass. A little about western mass: I grew up in a safe quiet town outside of Springfield. Springfield is one of the worst cities to live in. There isn’t anything here but crime and people who stayed “stuck”. The surrounding towns don’t have much progression either. Boston: There are so many things to do, and new people to meet. Now that I am single, this is a year of self-exploration and growing as a person. I want to feel like I am starting fresh. The Nursing position in Boston is at a Community Hospital on this beautifully renovated Cancer Center. I previously worked on an Oncology unit and this type of nursing is what I am passionate about. However, seeing that it is a smaller hospital, there isn’t much room for advancement, the benefits aren’t as great, I would be working days, which means the pay is decent but not as good as nights, and the cost of living is more expensive. Additionally, I would be further away from my family and some of my close friends who I have dearly missed over the past year.

    The next job I was offered is in Western MA (where I grew up). It is rated the 3rd best hospital in the state and is a well-known, progressive, respected teaching hospital. Everyone I talk to says “wow, you got a job there?!” “You are so lucky. It is virtually impossible to even get an interview”. The experience I received working in Indy made me very marketable to this hospital. I would have NOT received an interview without my experience. I would be closer to my mom and some good friends. I would be making a significantly greater amount of money; there is so much room for advancement in the hospital and so many great learning opportunities. However, the unit I would be working on is not exactly my cup of tea. Instead of Oncology, it a med-surg/renal unit. I would be working 3rd shift nights. The money is better because of it being 3rd shift, however I personally don’t know how I would adapt. Some people love third shift and wouldn’t give it up, others claimed it makes them physically sick and they become severely depressed. I shadowed the other night from 6-11 and the unit was so quiet. No visitors, no doctors, less staff ect. As some may see this as a blessing, I want to learn. I want to stay busy; I want to be interacting with patients who aren’t just sleeping? I want to MEET new people. How is that going to happen when I am working all night and sleeping all day? How is that going to happen if I am in Western Mass…. I already “know” everyone. However, my thoughts are: Work Hard, Save Money, Focus on Yourself, Work out, Spend Time with Family. It’s not like I am looking for another relationship… its just this area. It makes me feel ‘stuck’. Additionally, its not like I would be stuck on nights OR that unit forever. After a year you can apply for other positions within the hospital…everyone has to start somewhere, right?

    Do I go for the position that would potentially promote more happiness, but pays less and has less room for advancement? Or go for the position where the hospital is very well known, way better pay and at a more reputable hospital where I can advance my career? Who’s to say I wouldn’t enjoy nights?

    • EC

      What did you pick?

  • Christine Hassler

    Ali-I hear you and feel what an important choice this is for you and both sound like wonderful opportunities. If you email she can send you a 6 step intuitive decision making guide to help you make this choice.



  • Lee Wester

    Hi, Christine! I have a bit of a dilemma on my end. I’m a business professional, educated with a masters degree, 5 years of experience, and an aspiring to be a Vice President. I have tattoo sleeves, and have finally gained the courage to be myself at the office and wear short sleeves to work. However, I have one tattoo that I regret, and it’s also a little edgy in nature, so I worry it may hold me back with career advancement. If I get some laser sessions to lighten it, I am able to get a new tattoo over it, although there is no guarantee to what the final tattoo would like like. I go back and forth all the time with if I should laser it and cover it (which would be a 2-3 year process in full, although not as expensive as you may think). Or if I should just let it be and live with it. The tattoo does mean something to me, although I regret the design of it.

    The situation causes me a lot of anxiety. If there was nothing I could do about the tattoo, I would feel better. But the laser option is what is causing me to go back and forth. I have consulted with several of my business mentors, and some have told me not to worry about it and that it’s fine, and some have recommended that I cover it. It’s a snake tattoo with its mouth open and teeth & tounge hanging out, getting ready to bite something. It’s a memory of when I was exploring religion and Christianity.

    I was thinking about maybe waiting 2 years to see how I feel about it at that time, and if it still irritates me, I could get it lasered and covered? I don’t want to make any decisions based on anxiety. Thr challenge with that is to make peace with it and be kind to myself over the next couple of years while I go through this journey. Any thoughts?

    • Christine Hassler

      Hi Lee – what a thoughtful question. My encouragement to you would be to talk to your superior about it. He said you were an aspiring vice president, I would ask the people that you currently work with are in charge of that promotion weather is an issue. And state that you be willing to do whatever it takes if it is. I think if they see you really at knowledge Ing it and also owning that you’re willing to cover at her shift it, then it wouldn’t be a problem. When it comes to situations like this I think the truth is always the best option.

  • Jenny Sutter

    Hi Christine, it’s been over a year so I’m not sure if you’re still responding.

    I have a friend who is currently dating 2 guys. She has known them for about a month each, guy A about 2 weeks longer than guy B.

    She is pressed to choose between the two because she feels guilty about the way she’s making them feel. According to her, guy A is more of the heart, while guy B would be following the brain, although she confesses she does have feelings for him too.

    She recently confided in me that she’s leaning toward her heart, but I fear that is clouding her judgment as it seems to be a unanimous decision amongst our friends that he is not right for her in the long run. I know this decision has to made on her own, so we won’t tell her who to pick.

    My question is, how can we make her put more thought into it?

    P.S. I came across this article, I would like your views on it as well, with regard to its findings

  • aiz

    Hi Christine,I am a 29 year old married woman. Last year, I met a guy (single) where in my entire life, I didn’t thought that this will be challenge for me, this made my organized life turned upside down. I found in him what I am looking for for so many years with my husband. Our relationship lasted for 5 months. I decided to cut it and do the right thing, setting aside the happiness I had with the man.

    I can’t have my inner peace of mind knowing I cheated with my husband so I decided to tell him the truth but before that happened, a big revelation came. My husband confessed that he is a bisexual which confirmed all my doubts for 10 years.

    I am so confused on what to do. I really actually don’t know what to do. I am depressed of what is happening. Of the guilt I have because of cheating. The hatred because of my husband of being dishonest for so long.

    I don’t know if I should follow my brain ( going with a complete family) or my heart ( I wanted my freedom).

    Please help me