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WITH CHRISTINE HASSLER

I didn’t see that coming!! How to deal with curveballs

There’s a sneaky expectation I place on myself that does not serve me well.  Sometimes because of the work I do, I buy into the misunderstanding that I should not be affected by disappointment and curveballs. That I should immediately get to gratitude and move on like nothing happend.

Fortunately I was reminded of my humanity last week when life threw me a curveball that knocked me off my feet and left me with an expectation hangover! I know that my truth is gratitude and love – but I cannot expect myself to jump there when the humanness in me is having a moment.

Can you relate?  You know that compassion, forgiveness, and gratitude are the destination but find yourself pushing to get there?  As I remind myself, I remind you of the transition time. The space in between “ouch” and “thank you.” Honor that space, there is great healing available there.  I share about my honoring of that space in today’s vlog

When my latest expectation hangover of the curveball flavor first came at me, I noticed how quickly I attempted to make myself to feel better.  I immediately started to look for the silver lining, tell myself it happened for a reason and jump to forgiveness. Of course there is always a silver lining, things do happen to serve us, and forgiveness supports our spiritual altitude on any situation AND . . .

. . .the truth was the curveball shocked to my system.  My head wanted to talk myself out of the pain but my emotional body felt it.  I knew I was about to engage in what’s called “Spiritual Bypass”, which I write about in  Expectation Hangover as a coping strategy we use that does not lead to healing. (I also posted an excerpt on this from the book below the p.s.)

When a curveball first hits, it serves us to allow ourselves to feel it instead of attempting to dodge it or walk it off right away.  Otherwise we end up suppressing emotion, which is not healthy.  Let me be clear in saying that indulging in emotion or being a victim is also not healthy.  Feeling a feeling with compassion so it heals is quite different from allowing our feelings to consume us.

 You are allowed to be a materpiece and work in progress simultaneously @christinhassler (Tweet this).

So if you’ve been hit with an expectation hangover of the curveball variety, I encourage you to:

1. Let it hit you by simply honoring and acknowledging your feelings.  In my case, I spent some time release writing and allowing my emotions to move through me while holding a space of compassion.  After I did this, I felt a lot clearer and was truly ready to move to step two.

2. Ask, “What am I learning?”  Curveballs are not random. They are intentional plays by the Universe to wake us up, shift us, or support us in dealing with an issue that needs healing.  Get out of victimhood and become a student of your life instead.

3. Decide what you want the curveball to mean.  The degree to which we are wobbly from something unexpected is 100% dependent on the meaning we give it, not what actually happened.  Decide what you want to believe about the situation and chose wisely.  I made mine mean that the Universe was giving me an opportunity to clean something from my past to speed up the manifestation of one of my most heartfelt dreams.

4. Forgive and move forward. The process of forgiveness is actually what wipes the slate clean and allows us to let go and move on. It is challenging to take steps forward when we are carrying around anger, resentment or judgment.

Finally for those of you who relate to placing an expectation on yourself that you should “know better” and have done so much growth that you “shouldn’t” be triggered, PLEASE remind yourself that you are human.  Remind yourself of that space in between getting hit and walking it off with grace. That space in between “ouch” and “aha!

With so much love,

Christine

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p.s. If you have pattern of being in relationships or going after unavailable people (either emotionally unavailable or still in relationship with others), then my latest podcast episode is a must listen!! You’ll also lean about what I call “Journey Mate” relationships. Tune in here or go to my website if you do not have itunes.

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Except from Expectation Hangover on “Spiritual Bypass”. You can get your copy here.

When we have an Expectation Hangover, we sometimes take a “spiritual bypass,” attempting to jump immediately to the blessings of the situation without doing the work that actually facilitates the kind of learning that creates lasting changes in our life. In my experience we cannot solely meditate, chant, or pray our way out of an Expectation Hangover. Spiritual practices are key, but we are multidimensional beings. If we attempt to see the silver lining too soon, we may be turning away from the truth of our human experience. Just as our Expectation Hangovers involve a range of experiences, we have to be willing to address them on a range of levels — emotional, mental, and behavioral, as well as spiritual.

Consider: Are you attempting to repress your negative thoughts, immediately looking for the blessing? Do you believe you should not feel bad — or even experience guilt for “indulging” in your feelings? Are you relying on some spiritual practice to cure your Expectation Hangover? (keep reading here)

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