Insecurity can be painful and it blinds us from seeing who we truly are. We are not born insecure, we become that way. It’s a feeling we have based on the beliefs we accumulate when people are critical of us or we feel judged in some way. The problem is, we live in a world where most people are pretty hard on themselves and it leaks into people being hard on other people. People who have snapped at you or criticized you aren’t bad people, they are probably just very critical of themselves.

The bottom line is when we are able to clean out our insides we act differently on the outside. Confidence doesn’t necessarily come from doing things, it’s more about coming into self-acceptance by dropping our internal critical voice and truly liking ourselves just as we are right now. You don’t have to be perfect before you can accept yourself and you cannot make your self-love conditional. You are the one person you need unconditional love from.

Today’s caller Lily is taking a huge step toward building her confidence. Her father has been critical of her and his critical voice became her internal critical voice. She paired his criticism up with his love and now she thinks the way to get love is to criticize herself.

Often, the things we think are protecting us are the things that cause us the most suffering. So much about building confidence is about what you stop doing rather than what you start doing. Take a learning-oriented approach to life. Look at what you are attracting without self-blame or thinking you did something wrong. Things are not your fault. They are there to help you stop the voice of judgment and your internal critic.

Coach’s Tip – Getting over self-criticism is liberating. It is a very important part of being a coach, a light worker or just a loving human being. When we are confident about who we are and we are showing up with our hearts open in full authenticity and when the voice of the inner critic is silenced by our unconditional love, our hearts become open to others and we show up as a more confident and more loving person.

The more you accept yourself from where you are right now, the more you can approach growth and change and evolution from a place of love rather than from a place of judgment. Remember, whatever we can do for another we can do for ourselves.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Is your confidence level affected by the level of criticism you apply to yourself?
• Are you looking for something outside of yourself to make you feel confident rather than cleaning up your internal self-talk?
• Do you desire to be more confident?
• How often do you doubt yourself? Would you like to be free of the doubt?
• Are you someone who answers “fine” (aka feelings inside not expressed) when asked how you are?
• Was there or is there someone in your life who is critical of you?

Lily’s Question:

Lily is having a hard time believing in herself and finding her own value.

Lily’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

• She hides how she is truly feeling with “fine”
• She feels shut down when she opens up and shows her vulnerability
• She may be uncomfortable with her own vulnerability
• Being criticized by her father may be affecting her confidence
• She must seek change from the inside, from herself

How to get over it and on with it:

• She should shift from victim to student
• She can try to re-parent herself with the voice of an unconditionally loving parent
• Forgive her father
• She should speak to herself with love and compassion
• She can use the voice memo app to record her expressing positive self-talk

Assignments and Takeaways:

• Is there a critical voice in your head? Whose voice is it and is it time to give it back? Write a letter to the voice and thank it for the lessons and then, respectfully, decline to listen to it any longer.
• Is there someone out there you felt hurt by or triggered by? It is a projection and what can you learn from it?
• What are you really good at giving others that you are not giving yourself?
• Listen to the Coaches Corner Mastering Your Mean Girl or Bad Boy

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Resources:

Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Christine Hassler Free E–book
Expectation Hangover
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Jill@christinehassler.com
Mastering Your Mean Girl or Bad Boy Episode with Melissa Ambrosini

Tweetables:

You are worthy, lovable and deserving of all your dreams. Your truth is love. Accept yourself fully for who you are. https://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
Be mindful of who you are vulnerable with and don’t take the responses of others personally. https://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
Building confidence is often more about what you need to stop doing rather than what you need to start doing. https://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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