Maybe you have bought into one of these misunderstandings: If I love someone, I should make sure they are happy. If I love someone, it’s natural—even loving—to worry about them. If I love someone and they are hurting, I should try to save or change them.
We pair up certain behaviors with loving someone that are based more on fear than love. For instance, we people please because we are scared the people we love will be angry or abandon us if we don’t. We worry out of fear of that something bad may happen. We attempt to save or change someone from a fear-based judgment. We want to control someone else to quiet our fear of uncertainty.
And not only do we do these things in our relationship with others, we do them inside ourselves.
This week’s caller on the podcast, Amanda, wants to how to love herself without obsessing about things like calorie counting, her physical appearance, and working out. She has a misunderstanding that being so strict with herself is actually an act of self-care and love—but it’s not.
The biggest thing I taught Amanda is how we often pair certain behaviors with love. Amanda acknowledges she felt controlled by her parents growing up, but she knew that they loved her. So, she formed a correlation between being strict and controlling, with love. She believes being strict with herself is how she keeps herself safe, much like her parents thought their strict parenting would keep her safe. Instead, this creates a fear-based version of safety, and it’s exhausting.
This is a really touching episode and I’m excited for you to listen.
p.s. The doors to my Inner Circle are now open! This is a way to receive regular coaching from me, learn incredible new personal growth tools and lifestyle tips, receive a custom mediation each month, and be a part of an awesome community of like-minded peeps!! I hope you’ll join us!