EP 69: Get Over the Pain From a Breakup and Get to the Lessons with Jackie

EP69v2Today’s episode is about breakups. I coach Jackie through what she calls an earth shattering, heartbreaking breakup, but the lessons that surface during the call can be applied to any type of Expectation Hangover.

After a breakup, our hearts hurt, we feel grief, and we miss the person we ended the relationship with. The way to get out of grief is not to obsess over your ex, beat yourself up, or go out looking for someone else. The way through the grief is to milk it for all it’s worth, and to see what it is bringing up for you to heal.

In Jackie’s case, her breakup is an opportunity to reframe old beliefs she had around betrayal. She continued to collect evidence for the story she believed from her childhood. Jackie was basically dating her dad. She was trying to get the love, attention and approval from her boyfriend that she never received from her dad.

Remember, whatever you are going through, no matter how challenging it is, remember it is happening for you, not to you. We can get stuck in the loop of pain if we are just looking at the current situation. Don’t think a relationship was a failure just because it ended. Some relationships have an expiration limit. Look for the lessons the relationship is there to teach you. Look for the reasons you brought the person into your life in the first place.

If your intention for the new year is to connect with a community of like-minded people and follow through with your meditation goals, joining my Inner Circle will assist you with both. The Inner Circle is a membership community where you get access to one-on-one coaching calls, my customized, guided meditations and visualizations, and lifestyle practices. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com with any questions you may have.


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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • If you are going through a breakup, are you willing to see the pain as a catalyst for growth?
  • Are there breakups from your past you got through, but never really got over?
  • Could old wounds be impacting the people you are attracting to a relationship?
  • Is there someone you know is bad for you to be in a relationship with, but you find yourself going back for more?

 

Jackie’s Question:

After a recent breakup, Jackie would like to know how she can move past a relationship that was bad for her.

 

Jackie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels people are deceptive and tricky.
  • She felt lucky her ex chose her.
  • She played small around her ex.
  • She feels like it’s unsafe to be her, and she wasn’t good enough.
  • She collected evidence to confirm her long-held beliefs.
  • She longed for attention from her dad.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should ask herself what she is learning, and why she drew this person to her.
  • She should release the judgment that being vulnerable makes her messy or weak.
  • She needs to confront the truth that she was the daughter of an alcoholic.
  • She should go back and communicate to little Jackie.
  • She should find a connection with the divine masculine.
  • Write out a reality check letter to herself.
  • She should attend My Signature Retreat in March 2017.

 

Assignments:

 

Sponsor:

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Resources:
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Tweetables:
You can love and respect someone without placing them on a pedestal. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
As grown-ups, it is our job to re-parent ourselves, and give ourselves things we longed for… Click To Tweet
Be mindful of who you make your God. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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  • Sarah Stranc

    So this really hit home for me as my situation is similar, yet different, because I too am trying to get over a relationship w a guy of 20 years, whom we ‘share’ a 19 year old son. My son and I were never good enough. I tried being the person he wanted to be, yet he’d still find ways to tell me how I could improve. If our son didn’t do everything perfectly in a game, he would point out IMMEDIATELY after the game, to him, everything he did wrong, or made him ride the bus home from game, as punishment. Looking at my childhood, my father past away when I was 8 and my mother had moved on quickly, with a pregnancy 6 months later. The three youngest, as one of my brothers put it, ‘our mother have just given up on us’. I was the 9th out of 10 children (9 from same mom/dad, and then 10th half sister). Older siblings never took father/mother role, so us littler ones had to just fend for ourselves. I staying in my relationship with my sons father for all the wrong reasons, I know. To force a father in my sons life, bc I never really had one, for me – seeking worthiness and love from someone that couldn’t give it. I don’t speak to my mother bc I have a huge amount of resentment of how she handled things in life, my siblings do not want to have a relationship with me. I clung to by boyfriend to serve as EVERYTHING I was lacking in every other aspect of my life.

    My point in posting this is bc I am in need of how do I work through all this? I say I’m at peace with how it all turned out, but only bc what other choice do I have really?!

    I was going to counseling but stopped bc I didn’t feel I was being open and honest and therefore the sessions weren’t going to be beneficial. I’ve tried ‘fixing’ my boyfriend bc he always said he knows he doesn’t treat us right. Oh, did I forget to mention he’s an alcoholic too.

    Yep, more toppings on the cake. I always joked w my counselor that I had enough ‘issues’ for 10 clients.

    Any words or actions steps to help would be greatly appreciated. I do already have Expectation Hangover book. And I worked through it once, but wasn’t being completely open about the relationship, so I plan on going at it again. I feared my boyfriend would find my notebook and realize that I was working to end the relationship and hold it against me. He’s vindictive and would do things like, hold out on his half of the bills to get even