Fear often keeps us in situations that have long passed their expiration dates. We stay in jobs that we no longer enjoy because we are too scared of uncertainty. We stay in relationships that are unhealthy because we are too scared to be alone.
Why is fear so powerful? So much that it either delays or prevents us from going after what we really want?
This is exactly the issue I coached Rachel on in this weeks episode of Over it and On with It. She has been in a relationship for 6 years, and for most of that time she has been uneasy, lonely and has never felt like a priority. Fear of being on her own, emotionally and financially, is the thing that keeps her in a relationship that has long passed its expiration date.
A topic that we explore in this call is how attraction often is based on needs that were not met by our parents. A question Tony Robins asks in his interventions, “Whose love did you crave the most as a child?” This is a fantastic question because we tend to look for whatever we did not receive from a parent in a romantic partner. Until we heal core issues, we will continue to seek out approval or attention we did not get in the past in current romantic relationships.
During the call, it was also clear to me that Rachel was in an issue-based relationship. Issue-based relationships have a lot of chemistry, and the couple is super-attracted to each other. The physical part of the relationship hooks you in. One of the reasons you are attracted to the other person is because your issues dovetail. The beautiful thing about issue-based relationships is they are learning opportunities. They bring unresolved issues to the surface, which makes them easier to identify and heal.
It is time to be honest with yourself about the kind of person you are attracted to. Are you playing out unresolved issues from your past in your current relationships?
Even if you are not in an issue based relationship or questioning if you should stay or go, you’ll be touched by Rachel’s vulnerability and learn a lot from this episode.
Listen in to Episode 81 here.
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