Episode 104: Getting Closure with an Ex with Jobe

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This episode is about a romantic relationship, specifically the end of a romantic relationship. Today’s caller, Jobe, can’t seem to get over his ex-girlfriend. My coaching went in a direction that surprised us both as it seemed Jobe needed closure in more than one relationship.

There were three main areas I coached Jobe in so he could move on.

One, Jobe had a lack of self-love. He sourced his love from his ex. It’s hard to get over someone when they are our source of love — because we need love. We go through withdrawal because love can be an addiction.

The second thing that makes it hard to move on is wearing rose-colored glasses when looking at the relationship in the rear view mirror. Jobe’s relationship was an issue-based relationship. There was a lot of chemistry but it wasn’t healthy.

And, I sensed a lack of forgiveness in Jobe. We move on when we forgive.  Forgiving isn’t condoning a behavior, forgiving is about letting go of judgment, resentment, regret, and anger, so you can be free.

We have a hard time moving on from a relationship when there is a lingering issue that needs completion. Often our consciousness doesn’t let something go when we need to go back and clean something up.

On October 11th, I will be teaching a free master class to share information about my Personal Mastery Course, Over It and On With It. Sign up to receive early bird notifications and discounts. There are even special bonuses for those who sign up early.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you having a hard time getting over an ex? Do you still need closure?
  • Are you in a relationship that is passionate, but also volatile?
  • Are you in a romantic relationship with someone who has a child?
  • Do you source love from other people?

Jobe’s Question:

Jobe would like to know how to get over his ex for once and for all.

Jobe’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • He is struggling to get his ex out of his head.
  • He relied on his ex as a source of love.
  • The relationship had many ups and downs.
  • He had a good relationship with his ex’s child.
  • He has been selfish since the breakup.
  • It’s time for him to figure out who he is.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • It’s important for him to express his feelings to the child involved.
  • He should reassure the child to help her gain closure.
  • He needs to generate a source of love from within himself.

Takeaways:

  • If you are getting over an ex, you need to cut the cord and focus on yourself. Be the best partner you can to yourself.
  • If you are seeking closure with someone, think about where you need to forgive, let go, and where you might be out of integrity. Is there something you need to clean up to be complete?
  • Make new agreements of how you want to show up in a relationship. Write vows or commitments to yourself about the kind of partner you want to be and honor those agreements.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Jill@ChristineHassler.com

“Over It and On With It Personal Mastery Course”

The Art of Charm Podcast, with Jordan Harbinger

Facing Love Addiction, by Pia Mellody

Tweetables:

Love is a verb, not just an emotion. We can not expect to only feel love, we must be love.… Click To Tweet

Look at what is the highest good for everyone in a situation, not just your own self-interest.… Click To Tweet

It’s pointless to feel bad or guilty. It doesn’t inspire action, and it keeps you in victim… Click To Tweet

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  • John V

    Hi Christine, thanks again for another insightful podcast. Though, I don’t have a current closure issue, but, I did learned some key messages. The key message that was critical was not to find a partner to fill a void in your life, but, rather to complement. I guess this comes to self love. Your partner shouldn’t be a person to fill what is lacking in your life. Your tweetable messages are wonderful! It hit the point across. I wish I am on twitter, I would share them :) Blessings,

    • http://www.christinehassler.com/ Christine Hassler

      John, I am so glad this podcast speaks to you and the key messaged landed. Thanks for your support, it means a lot to me.