This episode is about moving from awareness to integration. Today’s caller, Natalie, has been on the path of personal growth for two years but is finding it difficult to integrate her new awareness and make real change happen in her life.

Awareness is great but it’s only a step to actually making changes in our lives. We have to take awareness and shift it into changes — changes in the way we think, changes in the way we react and process our feelings, changes in our behavior. And, not from the perspective that there is anything wrong with us or that we are broken but from ‘what am I going to do with this awareness now that I have it?’

Trusting yourself is very important. You must stop doubting yourself and stop breaking your word with yourself in terms of commitments and self-care. If you do, consciously re-negotiate with yourself. When we don’t have self-trust it is torture. We agonize over a decision and we search for someone ‘out there’ to give us the answer or make us feel safe. No one else can do it. It is an inside job.

Be sure to check out this weekend’s Coaches Corner! I will be addressing ghosting and flaky behavior.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you find it challenging to move from awareness to integration?
• Do you have a parent who has been absent in some way? A divorce, death, emotional unavailability and you sense it could be affecting your current relationships?
• Can you relate to the feeling of being anxious in a relationship because of a fear that a person may leave and stop liking or loving you?
• When it comes to trust, how are you at trusting others and do you trust yourself?

Natalie’s Question:

Natalie would like to know how to use her awareness to be happier with herself and in relationships.

Natalie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She had a loving and supportive relationship with her parents.
• She expects men to betray her and has fears of abandonment.
• She created a story to block out her father’s affair.
• She doesn’t keep the self-honoring choices she makes to herself.
• She had a strained relationship with her mother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• She should be more patient with herself and less critical of her development.
• She should read or listen to the book, Attachment.
• She should start connecting with her inner child.
• She should trust herself and rely on her inner resources.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler

Five Phases of Personal Growth Vlog

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find and Keep Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Tweetables:

The conscious mind is only responsible for 3-5% of our behavior.https://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

The kinds of relationships you have change most dramatically when your relationship with yourself changes.https://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

Stop letting your past be the reason you don’t have what you want.https://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet