Tips for loneliness

The feeling of loneliness is incredibly painful.  It can be particularly difficult this time of year where there is a lot of pressure to “deck the halls” with others and curl up roasting some chestnuts with a special someone.

The last thing I want for you this holiday season (or any other time of year) is to suffer by feeling alone.  The biggest gift you can give to yourself is to change how you experience time alone.  I realize that is easier said than done which is why my vlog this week is all about giving you ways to overcome and reframe loneliness.

I encourage you to watch the video for more details but here is a short summary if you only have time to read.

First, be very mindful of what you tell yourself when you are alone.  The fact that you are alone is not why you feel lonely.  The meaning you give being alone is what creates the feeling of loneliness.  If you tell yourself that you are a loser or something is wrong with you or life would be so much better if you had someone there, you are going to suffer.  If you choose loving and supportive thoughts while being conscious of not making not having people around mean anything negative about you, your experience will change.

It is MUCH easier to do what I suggested about when your connection cup is full.  Make an effort to make plans, get out with friends, get involved in hobbies or volunteerism, or anything else that gets you around people. Invite people to things, do not sit around and wait to be invited. Be proactive about being around people so that when you are alone, it can feel like a time to recharge and reconnect to yourself.

I spend quite a bit of time alone so this is something I have really learned to put into practice for my mental and emotional health.  I balance being out in the world and connected to others with spending time with myself.  If my connection cup is not full, then I am way more likely to feel lonely.

Also, we experience more loneliness when we do not feel a connection to some kind of Higher Power.  When our spiritual life is rich, we truly know that we are never alone (tweet this!).  We know we are part of the Oneness and loved unconditionally by our Higher Power.  If you realize your spiritual life is a bit poor, I encourage you to start a meditation practice, read some spiritual texts, listen to audios or podcasts – basically do anything to get yourself connected!

Loneliness is one of the most painful human experiences because it reinforces the illusion of separation. When we think we are on our own and feel disconnected we are more likely to feel sad, anxious, and worthless. 

As humans we NEED connection. Please do not wait for someone else to come and take the pain away. Be proactive about changing your story of being alone and filling your connection cup.

You are not alone!



p.s.  Did you catch this week’s podcast episode?  I coach Natalie on moving from awareness to actual change.  Go here to listen to ep 117.

  • Kay

    I’ve tried reaching out to others but I’m always met with their busy or their spending time with their own husbands and families. Even when I do try to be the initiator, it still doesn’t work. Any suggestions?

    • Christine Hassler

      Kay, first I acknoledge you for taking action and being an initiator. I encourage you to not make their fulls schedule mean anything about you. What I find is helpful is to ask them when is best and try to find a win-win for everyone’s schedule. AND if they keep coming up with reasons they can’t make time for you, I encourage you to join Meet up groups, classes or get more involved in your community so you can make more like minded friends and meet people with more open schedules.

  • Tracie

    Hi Christine! Thank you for this post; perfect timing! I have been divorced for two years, so the holidays are particularly a hard time for me. I don’t have a large family; however, my ex did. When we were together, our holidays were filled with family gatherings. Now that we are divorced, I spend the holidays with my mom. But loneliness is something I struggle with daily. Often, I can not wait to get to work so that I can be around people, and at the end of the day, I dread going home to an empty house. I have very few friends (two live over an hour away,and one has a young child), so it makes it hard to connect and do things with them. The other issue I have is that I am on a very fixed income (most often than not, I am robbing Peter to pay Paul!), so that too, makes it hard to get out there and do things on my own and meet new people. I often thought of volunteering, but in order to do so, I have to travel and I have to save my gas for work (I travel 40 min to work daily). I don’t subscribe to social media, as I can not handle (nor will I put up with) drama that it brings. My counselor tried to get me to reconsider getting back on Facebook, so instead of reactivating my account, I borrowed a friends; it was two days before I asked her to change her password so that I could no longer access her account. Too much complaining and cat fights; and not to mention that my ex and I know, and have the same social circle. I really don’t want to see him and his new girlfriend together (he left me for her). Any suggestions on how to meet new people, or combat this loneliness? Some days I am fine with being lonely, but others, I yearn for some companionship; not to mention Im ready to start dating again and I did try dating websites (free ones of course), and it is true that you get what you pay for! The free dating sites had a lot of creepy and disrespectful men on them. I deleted all my accounts. Anyway, thank you for all you do and Happy Holidays! :)

    • Christine Hassler

      Just keep dating yourself out there – and not all dating sites are creepy and some have a very low fee. Keep your thoughts positive and tell the story you want to live rather than a negative story of the past

  • Marc

    Christine, ¡ muchas gracias ! for all your positive energy. This vlog is very helpful.

    That sunset was magnifique!

    • Christine Hassler

      I am so glad it was helpful!