When something disappointing happens, we often buy into the assumption that we are being tested and that passing the test depends on pushing through and persevering. Many of us do not give ourselves permission to be vulnerable, feel our feelings, or ask for help.
We live in a world where being strong and pretending we are “FINE” (Feelings Inside Not Expressed) is not only common, but often rewarded. “Be strong” is one of the most common pieces of advice I’ve heard, and it’s my least favorites because the implication is we shouldn’t feel. So we put on a mask, trying to look strong on the outside while falling apart on the inside.
Being strong is overrated. Pushing away an Expectation Hangover usually means you’re going to be pushing aside some valuable learning and healing. Vulnerability is a powerful tool for healing. Harshness and mental toughness diminish vulnerability. (Tweet this!!)
Perseverance is important when dealing with challenges in life, but the key is to persevere by asking, “what am I learning” rather than mustering the strength to push it away or jump over it.
This is exactly what I coach Kelsey on in this week’s podcast. As a young breast cancer survivor, she has identified with “being strong,” but as you will hear in this call what has seemingly been her greatest asset is turning into a liability.
Being strong is preventing her from actually healing and moving forward in her life in the way she desires.
Listen to a clip below:
Consider: Have you been told by others, or do you tell yourself, to “be strong” when you are upset or something challenging happens? What are the costs of “being strong”? What does vulnerability mean to you?
Be resilient without repression. Although it may seem like we are protecting ourselves, being strong via suppression erects walls around our hearts and reinforces beliefs about it not being safe to feel our feelings or share them with another. Please do not underestimate the healing power and true strength of vulnerability.
For more on how to feel safe without having to be strong, be sure to listen to my coaching session with Kelsey on the podcast.
p.s. Super excited to reveal my new coaching training program: Unleashed! Designed for those of you looking to create or grow a thriving coaching business. I know it can take years or decades of study and practice to build a complete toolbox of coaching techniques. I’m here to give you the shortcut to success. Learn more about Unleashed here: http://bit.ly/2CFOepY
p.p.s. I’M COMING TO AUSTRALIA!!!! I will be down under the entire month of February and will be offering:
1. A 2-day retreat on Feb 10 and 11th in Sydney for health and life coaches teaching you both the art and business of coaching. Learn how to become a masterful coach AND make money at it.
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Email firstname.lastname@example.org if you are interested in either or both and we will get you on a list to be the first to get all the details.