This episode is about understanding why we have uncertainty when making decisions. Today’s caller, Kathy, wants to know how to make a decision about something important to her. She is hesitating and feels that it has been a pattern throughout her life. We discuss what in her past may have caused her hesitancy and how to clear the blocks she has around making decisions.

When we feel we don’t know what to do, or we don’t feel like making a decision at the moment, it actually is a decision. Oftentimes, we beat ourselves up when we feel we should decide something and we become frustrated that we can’t decide. Our pause, and the not knowing, is the window of time we need to get clarity.

Many of us agonize over making a decision about whether it will be right or wrong. We may feel panic when a certain subject comes up. And, when panic comes up, it is often because of that unspoken fear.

But, whenever we have trouble making decisions it usually means we don’t trust our inner wisdom. If we trusted ourselves fully, we wouldn’t agonize over the decision-making process. Everyone to some degree agonizes over decisions from time to time, especially big decisions.

It may be that we resist making a decision about marriage and/or children because our family of origin wounds are still raw. Our inner child may not be ready to get into that trauma again. We may think it is our present-day self that is feeling the resistance or lack of excitement, but it is our inner child that is feeling it.

If your head is making your decisions, you will make decisions from a place of fear. If you make decisions from the heart, it is the heart’s job to make decisions from love. The head keeps us safe. But when we play it too safe, we block love and we don’t get to see what is possible.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Is there a conversation, question, or thought that brings up panic or anxiety for you?
• Do you want something in your life but are scared of it?
• As a child, did you have a lot of opportunities to make decisions, or were your decisions made for you? Were you sheltered or protected?
• Do you trust yourself to make a choice and to deal with the consequences?

Kathy’s Question:

Kathy feels she may be making some decisions out of fear and would like guidance about how to trust in her decision-making process.

Kathy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• When conversations concerning marriage and children come about she is resisting talking about them.
•  She doesn’t trust her decision-making process.
• She was sheltered as a child. She didn’t have to work through big issues.
• She may have a rigid personality pattern.
• She has made decisions on a whim.
• She has a fierce inner critic.
• She is worried about making the wrong decision.
• Her parents respected and loved each other.
• She is clear that she wants a family.
• She and her partner come from different backgrounds.
• She worries about the compromises she may have to make in the future.
• She fears her partner is not being honest about where he wants to live.
• She may be withholding information from her partner about how she feels.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Listen to the Coaches Corner with Steven Kessler about the Five Personality Patterns.
• Turn her concerns into curiosity.
• Be okay with not knowing what to do.
• Speak with her partner about her true feelings.
• Don’t focus on what may go wrong when she makes a decision.
• Let her head and heart work together. Open your heart to possibilities.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

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Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

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Tweetables:

Whenever we put pressure on ourselves to find clarity, clarity doesn’t come. Click To Tweet In matters of head and heart, the heart must lead first. Click To Tweet Unspoken fears will create panic. Click To Tweet