Tag Archives: authentic

How to set (and keep!) healthy boundaries

Research has proven that people who feel connected to others live longer, healthier lives. Creating and maintaining healthy relationships is essential to our well-being, yet not always easy . . .

Sometimes we have to set boundaries with people, which can be hard to do (especially if you relate to being a people-pleaser).

What exactly are healthy boundaries? When do we set them? And how do we do it in a way that is loving?

These are the questions I explore in today’s vlog. I also reveal the #1 reason why so many of us know we should set a boundary with someone but do not follow through with it.

We are all here to learn and grow so it’s natural to experience growing pains with people you care about. The key word here is growing not pain. Setting boundaries is part of growth.

A boundary is an self-honoring agreement inside yourself or with another person that supports your well-being AND comes from love. When we tolerate hurtful or negative treatment from another, we end up building up resentment or eventually completely pulling away. Having the courage to communicate our needs and setting a boundary is more loving then pretending something is okay when it isn’t. (Tweet This!!).

There are two kinds of boundaries. The first one being Internal boundaries, which are agreements we make with ourselves to modify a relationship. For example, you may have a very negative friend who complains every time you are together. Perhaps you have even asked the person to be more positive and they have not adjusted. You are not ready to completely sever the friendship so instead you set a boundary that you will only make plans with that person once a month versus weekly.

The other type of boundary is one you verbally request from another. Say you have a relative who always asks you, “So are you dating anyone?” or “What’s going on with your career, find a job yet?” Their intrusiveness laced with a tone of judgment makes you cringe. You want to (or have to) be around them but you keep building up resentment whenever the intrusive question is asked. Time to set a boundary!! I give you an example of how you can say it in the video.

Boundaries not only prevent us from getting resentful and eventually throwing up a barrier, they also save us from being a doormat.

So if they are so helpful, why are they so hard to set and keep? Well because we are scared. Scared that the person will be hurt or mad. Scared they won’t like us. Scared that the relationship will end.

But what is scarier is being in unhealthy relationships or tolerating behavior that feels hurtful. For relationships to grow, there are sometimes growing pains. The other person may very well get hurt or angry. You are not responsible for their reaction. You are responsible for communicating honestly and with love.

Remember: being loving is being real, authentic and courageous. It is not all words of affirmation and rosy language. Consider what boundaries it may be time to set to grow yourself and your relationships.

In the words of Brene Brown: “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”

Love,

Christine

P.S. I am excited to share that I will be in London and hosting a one day transformation retreat on July 21st. You are invited to join me to work on releasing emotions and situations that are holding you back. Learn tools that create lasting change and give you peace of mind. Connect with other like-minded amazing people. And receive tons of love, guidance, and coaching from me. Go here for more details and to register.

How to be Authentic … and Appropriate

Authenticity is a word that seems to be very hot lately.  We are encouraged to be authentic and authentically express ourselves.

But what does authenticity truly mean? And is it possible to be too authentic? Are there times when fully expressing ourselves is actually not appropriate

I’ve been thinking a lot about authenticity as it has been something I have been working on with my coach and has also been the theme this month for my Inner Circle membership community.  I share some insights and tips on how you can be both authentic AND appropriate in today’s video.

In the video I explain how to be authentic and responsible. Authenticity is not about saying whatever we want with no regard with how it may impact someone else.  It is also not about over-sharing and processing our wounds publicly.

Authenticity is about speaking our truth with love. Sharing for the purpose of connection rather than to get attention or validation. It is about being ourselves without judgment or self-consciousness.  To be authentic requires radical self-acceptance, learning from our perceived mistakes and moving forward with awareness.   Most of all, authenticity is about owning our gifts and expressing them in a way that FEELS good.

I encourage you to reflect on how you can be even more authentic in your life.  Do an inventory of your relationships, choices and behaviors and ask yourself, “Is this in alignment with what I really want? Am I being 100% honest with myself or others?” And if your answer is no to those questions, consider making some adjustments.

Be authentic by creating an external life that matches your internal truth. Tweet this!

EP 53: Accepting Your Body and Being Authentically YOU with Jeannette

EP53v1We all have issues or problems in our lives we need to overcome and heal. What things do you believe to be your biggest issues?

The key to healing is how we relate to the issue. We can choose to be a victim and allow shame and judgment to rule our lives or we can choose to hang on to our issue because it makes us feel special or gets us attention. We can also choose to believe our problem is insurmountable and even though we feel we have tried everything to get over it, we think we never can.

Today’s caller, Jeanette, is feeling she is not enough and she struggles with an eating disorder she adopted in her early teens. She craves acceptance from her family because she has a low acceptance of herself.

If there is something you are doing to get love and acceptance or helps you to fit into your family, you WILL have a hard time letting it go. You may have a fear of being authentically you because you worry other people will judge or make fun of you.

Remember, we teach people how to treat us. If we continue to show up as a victim or play into the pattern, people will continue to see and treat us accordingly. If someone isn’t in a loving, open-minded relationship with themselves, they will not be loving and open-minded with you. Not everyone is on the personal growth journey that you are on. Give the people you love the dignity of their own process.

If you want or need to hear something, look into your own eyes and say it to yourself. Be you, step out of your box and don’t take things personally.

I am very excited to share an update about my new video course. I am putting together all of my best tools and resources for you. The first video is coming out in October and it will focus on acceptance, because acceptance is the first law of spirit. My gift to you is to be on the list for the first announcement and for the early bird discount. Visit ChristineHassler.com/VIPlist to sign up.

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Coaches Corner: Are you too nice?

300x300-ChristineHassler-PodcastCoverAre you too nice? That may seem like a strange question because most of us would think that being nice is a wonderful way to be. But sometimes we are too nice. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for love, kindness and generosity. Yet I’ve noticed that although niceness is very p.c., it isn’t always authentic.

In today’s coaches corner I discuss the danger of killing yourself with inauthentic kindness!

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