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How to be Authentic … and Appropriate

Authenticity is a word that seems to be very hot lately.  We are encouraged to be authentic and authentically express ourselves.

But what does authenticity truly mean? And is it possible to be too authentic? Are there times when fully expressing ourselves is actually not appropriate

I’ve been thinking a lot about authenticity as it has been something I have been working on with my coach and has also been the theme this month for my Inner Circle membership community.  I share some insights and tips on how you can be both authentic AND appropriate in today’s video.

In the video I explain how to be authentic and responsible. Authenticity is not about saying whatever we want with no regard with how it may impact someone else.  It is also not about over-sharing and processing our wounds publicly.

Authenticity is about speaking our truth with love. Sharing for the purpose of connection rather than to get attention or validation. It is about being ourselves without judgment or self-consciousness.  To be authentic requires radical self-acceptance, learning from our perceived mistakes and moving forward with awareness.   Most of all, authenticity is about owning our gifts and expressing them in a way that FEELS good.

I encourage you to reflect on how you can be even more authentic in your life.  Do an inventory of your relationships, choices and behaviors and ask yourself, “Is this in alignment with what I really want? Am I being 100% honest with myself or others?” And if your answer is no to those questions, consider making some adjustments.

Be authentic by creating an external life that matches your internal truth. Tweet this!

How to take action when there’s anxiety and fear 

There are things you want to do.  You want to start dating. You long to speak your truth.  You are so ready to quit your job. You crave putting your art, words or message out in the world.

Yet something stops you. And it’s not even some external obstacle. It’s your own anxiety, worry or fear.  You imagine the worst-case scenario or engage in paralysis by analysis all in an attempt to calm your concerns, yet this just makes them worse!

So how do you take action when so much doubt and fear is in the way? This is exactly what I coach Suzanne on in this week’s episode of Over It and On With It. She has a pattern of catastrophic thinking, worry, and anxiety that is keeping her from living the life she longs for. If you can relate, you will receive a lot of value out of this coaching session.

Go here to listen to Episode 101 with Suzanne!

Worry is using our mind to come up with and visualize worst-case scenarios, instead of using the power of our mind to visualize what we truly want to occur. On some level, we think it’s protecting us or keeping us safe. But all it’s doing is creating more anxiety.

When we feel fear, it’s important that we first be with the part of us that feels scared and anxious. When we get scared as adults, we need to learn how to respond to it in a way that feels reassuring. A big part of this can be addressed by self-soothing. Most of the ways we attempt to soothe ourselves are not about soothing at all. We may be numbing or distracting ourselves. We run away from the fear by working, eating, sedating ourselves with drugs or alcohol, or using social media for hours.

But the more we ignore it, the bigger the “monster in our closet” becomes, so instead of running from your fear, face it head on. It doesn’t mean you have to conquer it, just be with it. What does it need from you? If the fear has a message for you, what’s the message? Can you trust yourself to sit with it rather than run? Be a reassuring voice to yourself. Tell yourself you are safe, and that everything is OK. 

As you will hear in the call, Suzanne’s sense of self, and ability to feel safe regardless of external conditions, wasn’t developed, so she didn’t feel safe when she was outside of her home.

Like many of us, Suzanne said she understood my coaching intellectually but she still found it hard to shift in the moment. But, it’s the follow-through that matters.

That’s why I designed my Inner Circle membership community to focus on a certain quality every month. We focus on moving something from awareness into integration. So change actually happens. It’s more than learning concepts, you learn to apply them and create changes in your life.  Go here for more on how to join us.

Today I invite you to consider:

  • Do you worry a lot? Do you have a tendency to imagine worst-case scenarios, or have a habit of waiting for the other shoe to drop?
  • Do you think that preparing for the worst protects you from being disappointed?
  • Did something challenging, traumatic or catastrophic happen to you as a kid, so you live with nervous anticipation that something bad will happen again?
  • How are you soothing yourself when you go into fear, anxiety, or panic? Are you able to calm yourself down? What are your coping mechanisms?

Be sure not to miss my coaching session with Suzanne as I coach her (and you) out of a self-imposed prison of worry, fear and anxiety!  Go here to listen now.

And remember: Worry is a poor use of your imagination! Use your imagination to visualize what you truly desire instead (tweet this!)

With love,


100 and Going Strong

I am thrilled to share the 100th coaching call on my podcast aired this week.  When I began this podcast a year and a half ago, I had no idea if it would be successful. I felt as if people would benefit from hearing other people be coached on air but I had no guarantees.

I had so many questions when I began. Would anyone even sign up to be coached?

Would people be willing to have such vulnerable information shared publicly? Could I help people in just 20 minutes? How the heck do I figure out how to put this together logistically? What technology will I use? What should the structure of the show be? How much will it cost?

All these questions delayed me for about eight months.  I had the idea and the desire, but my uncertainty kept slowing me down. Finally I took my own coaching advice and took one small step at a time until eventually our first episode “Overcoming Self Doubt and Fear with Anneke” was released.

What an appropriate title right? I had to get over my own doubt and fear to bring this podcast to life and I’m so glad I did because I LOVE doing it. 

And thanks to you, it has grown steadily and even has been picked up by Podcast One! None of this would be possible without YOU. Thank you for being part of my tribe. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing the show with others. Thank you to those of you who have been coached on air for showing up with so much courage.

Go here to listen to Episode 100 with Judy!

Today I encourage you to STOP allowing fear, doubt or just not having all the answers to prevent you or even delay you from taking action.  If you have an idea or creation you long to bring to life, go for it! 

Here’s the thing to keep in mind that may give you some peace of mind:  you do not have to know all the steps to the finish line to get started.  If you are working to get from A to Z, you do not need to know what step D or M or S is. Just take step A and then determine what step B is. Moving one step at a time generates momentum and the more momentum you more likely you are to reach your goal.

And don’t miss episode 100 where I coach Judy on how to find yourself when you feel isolated and lack self-esteem. Listen here.

Please share this our 100th coaching call with your friends.  Here is a tweet for you:

Very helpful tips to overcome loneliness and people pleasing on Ep 100 of Over it and On with it. (tweet this!!)

Thank you again for listening to Over It and On With It!! Here’s to hundreds and hundreds of more amazing and inspiring calls with my fellow growth seekers.

With love,


Relationship Expiration Dates and Fears of Failure 

It has been a juicy couple weeks on the podcast!

Last week I coached Trinette who has been on again and off again with her ex-fiancé.  She calls it a “volatile” relationship and is questioning what she “should” about this particular man…but the issue is really not about this particular man it goes back much further.

Also, I bring up the term co-dependence in this episode. I am hesitant to throw out labels and I am never giving anyone a diagnosis; however, sometimes having a term that can help us understand something and realize we are not alone is helpful. After the call I do breakdown and explain co-dependence more so be sure to listen to that.

 Go here to listen to episode 97 

Now let’s shift gears to talk about failing.  Particularly, the fear of failing.  In this week’s episode I coach Lindsey who thinks she is calling in to ask me about time management and finding balance. But her block has less to do with time and more to do with her fear of failure. 

If you can relate to always having a “plan” and never wanting to fail or let anyone down, this is a must listen!

Go here to listen to episode 98 

I hope you enjoy and learn from these podcasts.  If you do love listening, please help spread the word about the show. Here is a tweet from you that I copied from a recent review of the show:

Listen to this excellent life coaching podcast on relevant topics related to personal growth and happiness. So inspiring! (tweet this!)

Have an awesome day!!!


p.s. How would you like VIP access to an incredible tribe of like-minded people and me as your coach?  If that sounds appealing, then join my Inner Circle!  This unique, intimate group composed of men and women from around the world and you can enroll at any time. It is a monthly membership that you can cancel at any time. Learn more here or email jill@christinehassler.com to set up a call and discover if Inner Circle is right for you.