Tag Archives: breakup

EP 69: Get Over the Pain From a Breakup and Get to the Lessons with Jackie

EP69v2Today’s episode is about breakups. I coach Jackie through what she calls an earth shattering, heartbreaking breakup, but the lessons that surface during the call can be applied to any type of Expectation Hangover.

After a breakup, our hearts hurt, we feel grief, and we miss the person we ended the relationship with. The way to get out of grief is not to obsess over your ex, beat yourself up, or go out looking for someone else. The way through the grief is to milk it for all it’s worth, and to see what it is bringing up for you to heal.

In Jackie’s case, her breakup is an opportunity to reframe old beliefs she had around betrayal. She continued to collect evidence for the story she believed from her childhood. Jackie was basically dating her dad. She was trying to get the love, attention and approval from her boyfriend that she never received from her dad.

Remember, whatever you are going through, no matter how challenging it is, remember it is happening for you, not to you. We can get stuck in the loop of pain if we are just looking at the current situation. Don’t think a relationship was a failure just because it ended. Some relationships have an expiration limit. Look for the lessons the relationship is there to teach you. Look for the reasons you brought the person into your life in the first place.

If your intention for the new year is to connect with a community of like-minded people and follow through with your meditation goals, joining my Inner Circle will assist you with both. The Inner Circle is a membership community where you get access to one-on-one coaching calls, my customized, guided meditations and visualizations, and lifestyle practices. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com with any questions you may have.


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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • If you are going through a breakup, are you willing to see the pain as a catalyst for growth?
  • Are there breakups from your past you got through, but never really got over?
  • Could old wounds be impacting the people you are attracting to a relationship?
  • Is there someone you know is bad for you to be in a relationship with, but you find yourself going back for more?

 

Jackie’s Question:

After a recent breakup, Jackie would like to know how she can move past a relationship that was bad for her.

 

Jackie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels people are deceptive and tricky.
  • She felt lucky her ex chose her.
  • She played small around her ex.
  • She feels like it’s unsafe to be her, and she wasn’t good enough.
  • She collected evidence to confirm her long-held beliefs.
  • She longed for attention from her dad.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should ask herself what she is learning, and why she drew this person to her.
  • She should release the judgment that being vulnerable makes her messy or weak.
  • She needs to confront the truth that she was the daughter of an alcoholic.
  • She should go back and communicate to little Jackie.
  • She should find a connection with the divine masculine.
  • Write out a reality check letter to herself.
  • She should attend My Signature Retreat in March 2017.

 

Assignments:

 

Sponsor:

Freshbooks: Get a Free 30-Day Unrestricted Trial to Online Accounting Software. Enter “Over It and On With It” in the ‘How did you hear about us?’ section.

 

Resources:
Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Assist@ChristineHassler.com – Send your questions to be answered on Coaches Corner.
Christine’s Books

 

Tweetables:
You can love and respect someone without placing them on a pedestal. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
As grown-ups, it is our job to re-parent ourselves, and give ourselves things we longed for… Click To Tweet
Be mindful of who you make your God. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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Coaches Corner: Breakup Recovery with Chris Seiter

podcast img newChris Seiter is a professional relationship consultant specializing in breakups. He teaches men and women how to get over a breakup or even how to get back with an ex if the situation calls for it. He has been featured in publications like YourTango, Elite Daily, She Knows, Readers Digest and LifeHack. You can learn more about him at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com and www.exgirlfriendrecovery.com.

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The Beauty in Breakups, Blame and Betrayal . . .

Breakups of any kind are perhaps one of the most challenging things we go through. There is so much that gets triggered that sometimes it feels like we will never get to the other side of it. And if there was infidelity or betrayal of any kind, oh boy can the gap between devastation and acceptance feel even wider!

But like any Expectation Hangover, there is beauty in all breakups.

Of course, we have to feel and heal the emotions that are natural to feel during the loss of a relationship without indulging in them. Then there comes a point where we must ask: “What am I learning?” and “What was my part in this?” As we ask those questions, we unlock something that is critical to our growth and healing.

When a relationship ends, we are never 100% victims. We need to take 100% responsibility for our 50% of the relationship. That said, we must do so without self-judgment or blame. We must accept that we did the best we could with what we had at the time, and we now have an opportunity to do better moving forward.

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EP 22: Get Over Your Breakup and On with Your Life!

ep 22 v1 (1)Have you ever had a massive, gut-wrenching, devastating, traumatic breakup that ended a relationship before you wanted the relationship to end? Did you follow it up by an all-consuming expectation hangover? If you are a human being, chances are you have.

Most people  have at least one issue-based relationship. They attract people who trigger unresolved issues from their past. They value being in a relationship more than they value the lessons of the relationship and repeat the pattern over and over again. They treat being single like a disease, which needs to be cured immediately.

Relationships are an opportunity for us to grow. To find out a little more about whom we really are. When we consider how we feel about what we do instead of just the doing, we have a clearer picture of the qualities we embody.

If a relationship ended before you wanted it to, consider it a rite of passage. Embrace your feelings about it and then put a time limit on your heartbreak. Your heart can hurt but it should be full of unconditional love for yourself. Start falling back in love, but with yourself. Be kind and use your creativity as a channel of expression and healing.

Today’s conversation is with Monika who dares to dream and love in a big way. She moved to a foreign country and a 3 month trip turned into a 2 year stay after falling in love. The relationship ended in betrayal. Feeling her trust is forever broken, she has decided to toughen her heart and use the breakup as an excuse not to move forward with her life.

Remember on Saturdays I release my new Coaches Corner episodes. This week will be on “5 Tips for Getting Over a Breakup”. And if you want to hear about my history on the subject of love, you can listen to my first Over and On with It podcast.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Have you given yourself the diagnosis of heartbroken and feel completely stuck?
  • Did you set a relationship goal that wasn’t realized and now you have an expectation hangover?
  • Do you value a relationship by how long it lasts? So if it ends, do you feel you failed in some way?
  • Is it easy to answer the question “Who are you?” with positive responses?
  • Can you honestly say you feel love for yourself?

Monika’s Question:

Monika went through an intense breakup in a foreign country. She feels her trust was crushed; she is now paralyzed by fear and is scared to take the next step forward in her life.

Monika’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She’s a people pleaser
  • She doesn’t value herself
  • She attaches her self-worth to achievement
  • Her self-criticism is a habit

How to get over it and on with it:

  • Trust herself and treat herself like the valuable woman she is
  • Re-direct her thoughts into her improvement
  • Improve her relationship with herself
  • Go deeper into her spiritual practice
  • Do things to make her feel alive and connected
  • She should paint an image of trust

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Focus on how you want to feel about a result rather than the outcome itself
  • Write a list of who you are and use it to fall in love with yourself
  • Start a 40-day practice or discipline to put down your defenses
  • Use your creativity as a channel of expression and healing

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Expectation Hangover
@christinhassler on twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
christine@christinehassler.com

Tweetables:

Valentine’s Day is about celebrating love not just romantic relationships.
Do you value a relationship by how long it lasts and not the quality of what you learned from it?
Have you experienced a heart-wrenching breakup? If you are human you probably have.”

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