Tag Archives: change

Is There Someone You’re Trying to Change or Save?

Is there someone in your life you really hope will change? Do you find yourself taking on the responsibility for other people’s transformation? Do you even get annoyed when you see someone you care about not living into the potential you see in them?

I get it. When I dove into all this personal growth stuff in my early twenties, boy oh boy, did I find myself preaching a lot. I had so much new information I wanted to share about how we can awaken and free ourselves from suffering. When I saw someone suffering, I felt a responsibility to save them. And when someone was not acting the way I thought was best, I really believed I could change them. HA!

What I have learned over the years is that it is not our job or our right to save anyone. But obviously we want to make a positive impact on others so how do we do that without taking on the responsibility of savior?

Many years ago I was in a relationship with someone and wanted him to be different. My spiritual teacher at the time said something to me that I have never forgotten. As I was complaining about how he wasn’t doing “his work” and “diving deep enough into his issues” she looked at me and lovingly said, “Christine, you do not walk into a nursery and wake up sleeping babies.”

In that moment, I got it . . .

People wake up when they are ready to wake up. Sure we may inspire some part of their awakening but ultimately it is on their own Divine timing. It is more loving to give someone the dignity of their own process instead of trying to try to change them. (Tweet This!!)

This may make logical sense; however, often it’s hard to give up trying to change someone – be it a friend, family member or romantic partner. You think your love is the magic potion that will save or transform them. You see the hurt little boy or girl under the toxic behavior. You recognize the pain underneath the addiction. You can see all their potential and possibility.

I see this pattern in so many, especially those of you Lightworkers.  But it is exhausting to take on the responsibility for someone else’s transformation. And the reason it is exhausting is because it is not possible. The only person you can change is the one reading these words right now.

Going back to the example from my own life, I realized that the person that really needed to go to a deeper level spiritually and emotionally was me. But it was way easier to fixate on him and all the things he could and should do differently.

My encouragement to you is turn your focus back toward yourself and give the other person back to God. Their awakening is between them and their Higher Power.

If someone is not changing or evolving in the way you are requesting or hoping to inspire, that is not your fault. You have a huge heart with so much love to give and I understand that it feels like love can heal anything.

Sure we can be catalysts for another person’s change but in MOST cases in order to be that catalyst we have to be totally unattached to being it. It is detachment, acceptance and honoring our own truth that often creates the inspiration for someone to find the truth within themselves. That said, don’t try to strategize about how to be unattached hoping they will change – that is still attachment!

Instead walk the talk. Be the vibration you desire from others. What inspires people most is how you live your life.  Stop trying to wake up sleeping babies. . . let their precious souls rest until they are ready.

Is there someone you have been trying to save or trigger their transformation? I am here to support you in liberating yourself from that responsibility and respecting their process.



Coaches Corner: A chat and guided meditation to help you with change and uncertainty

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As Christine navigates her way through a massive Expectation Hangover, she shares with you tips for dealing with unwanted change in a way that decreases suffering and increases faith. Listen in for some advice and also a guided meditation that will support you in becoming more present and full of peace.

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EP 124: Answer Your Life’s Calling and Fulfill Your Purpose with Michelle


This call is about honoring your intuition and truth. Michelle wants to know why she keeps sabotaging herself and why she keeps quitting. But, we uncover that she is not sabotaging herself; she’s just not answering her calling.

Even if you don’t know what your life calling is, you know when something is a ‘hell yes’ or a ‘hell no.’ In order to break free from situations where you are settling and you know it’s just not right you may have to leave a hell no situation in order for a hell yes situation to appear. So many times our most challenging situations reveal our purpose. Our karma becomes our dharma.

When reframing difficult situations from your past you can look at it two ways. You can believe that you need to make up for something you did wrong but it just perpetuates the idea that you are unworthy or undeserving in some way and need to suffer. Or, you can look at the difficult situation as a setup for what is your true calling.

If you are trying to change something about yourself, rather than changing the circumstance you are in, consider that you may not be in the right situation. It may be time to go! It’s time to honor your calling and become aligned with something that fits into your purpose. Don’t wait for certainty. Listen to your intuition. Let your purpose be your comfort, not your fears.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in a soul-sucking job, relationship, city, etc.? Is there something you would love to do that seems random or unrealistic?
  • Do you want to make changes but fear keeps getting in the way?
  • Was there an event, or events, in your childhood that are really big clues as to what your purpose is today?

Michelle’s Question:

Michelle feels a calling to start a career in hospice but she has a pattern of stopping and starting things in her life.

Michelle’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She doesn’t follow through when she feels she should.
  • She fears her abilities based on a childhood traumatic experience.
  • She is a sensitive person.
  • She is drawn to help people transition into death.
  • The childhood incident may have happened to reveal her true calling.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to realize she is not responsible for saving people.
  • She needs to stay focused on her mission and finally step into her calling.
  • She should reach out to mentors and connect with people who do the work she wants to do.
  • She should let go of the beliefs that she sabotages things and that she is a quitter.

Action Steps:

  • Write down all the situations in your life. If they are not hell yeses than they are hell nos. Get Expectation Hangover and work through the Life Lessons exercise to help you connect the dots.
  • Work with any limiting beliefs that are keeping you in fear and allow the universe to surprise you. Ask the universe for things you want in your life.


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EP 117: Moving From Awareness About Your Issues to Actually Making Changes with Natalie

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This episode is about moving from awareness to integration. Today’s caller, Natalie, has been on the path of personal growth for two years but is finding it difficult to integrate her new awareness and make real change happen in her life.

Awareness is great but it’s only a step to actually making changes in our lives. We have to take awareness and shift it into changes — changes in the way we think, changes in the way we react and process our feelings, changes in our behavior. And, not from the perspective that there is anything wrong with us or that we are broken but from ‘what am I going to do with this awareness now that I have it?’

Trusting yourself is very important. You must stop doubting yourself and stop breaking your word with yourself in terms of commitments and self-care. If you do, consciously re-negotiate with yourself. When we don’t have self-trust it is torture. We agonize over a decision and we search for someone ‘out there’ to give us the answer or make us feel safe. No one else can do it. It is an inside job.

Be sure to check out this weekend’s Coaches Corner! I will be addressing ghosting and flaky behavior.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you find it challenging to move from awareness to integration?
  • Do you have a parent who has been absent in some way? A divorce, death, emotional unavailability and you sense it could be affecting your current relationships?
  • Can you relate to the feeling of being anxious in a relationship because of a fear that a person may leave and stop liking or loving you?
  • When it comes to trust, how are you at trusting others and do you trust yourself?

Natalie’s Question:

Natalie would like to know how to use her awareness to be happier with herself and in relationships.

Natalie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She had a loving and supportive relationship with her parents.
  • She expects men to betray her and has fears of abandonment.
  • She created a story to block out her father’s affair.
  • She doesn’t keep the self-honoring choices she makes to herself.
  • She had a strained relationship with her mother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should be more patient with herself and less critical of her development.
  • She should read or listen to the book, Attachment.
  • She should start connecting with her inner child.
  • She should trust herself and rely on her inner resources.


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