Tag Archives: codependency

EP 99: Letting Go of an Ex with Michelle

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This episode is about making self-serving decisions. I coach today’s caller, Michelle, through a decision about her long-term relationship. As you can hear in the call, Michelle intuitively knows what she should do, but she needs to be empowered so she can take action.

People feel most confident to make a decision or choice when they feel empowered. We feel most empowered when we arrive at our own answers. During the session, I reflected back to Michelle, and I asked her a lot of questions so she could get to her own answers.

Michelle was invested in saving her husband, but was it more about him or her? Her intentions were pure, but she was outsourcing her self-worth by trying to save him. There was a limiting belief that if she saves or heals him it gives her value.

It’s important to unhook yourself from the role of caretaker or savior. Go back and listen to my after-the-call breakdown of Episode #97 with Trinette for my explanation of what codependency is.

All of us struggle, at one point, with a breakup, a challenging relationship, or lack of a relationship. Our struggles are often a catalyst to dive into personal growth work. We all want love and we all desire healthy, fulfilling relationships.

This is why I designed a special course, Get Over Your Breakup & On with Love. It includes all of my best stuff when it comes to love and relationships. It is for anyone who is looking to get over a hurt and step into self-love and a loving relationship. Over and On With It Podcast listeners get $100 off the course until Sept. 1st. Simply use the promo code: PODCAST.

Also, thanks to those of you who signed up for my Summer of Love Challenge. There are more Challenges coming, so sign up to get a daily email about spreading and sharing love, from me. Plus, when you sign up you become eligible to get 6-months free in my Inner Circle Membership Community.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you still hanging on to an ex, either emotionally or physically, even though you know it’s unhealthy to still be engaged?
  • Do you love taking care of others? Is part of your identity to help others or save others?
  • When it comes to self-love, are you good at taking outward actions, but maybe not so good at the internal compassion?
  • Are you more concerned about someone else’s feelings than your own?

Michelle’s Question:

Michelle wants to know if she should stay in her current long-term relationship.

Michelle’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She grew up in an environment of physical and verbal abuse.
  • Her husband is verbally abusive to her and her children.
  • She doesn’t focus on herself.
  • Her 15-year-old daughter wants her to get a divorce.
  • She’s afraid to make the wrong decision.
  • She recognizes she needs to change her life and to give her kids a different environment.
  • She’s known what to do but needed validation to move forward.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to make a decision to break patterns and to change things.
  • She needs to start documenting abuse.
  • She needs to stop beating herself up and practice self-love and self-care.
  • She needs to believe in herself and give herself positive encouragement.

Assignments:

  • Check out my “Get Over a Breakup and On” with Love course.
  • Make a list of your healthy agreements in relationships.
  • Make a list of all the things you are good at doing for other people, and then do them for yourself.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@ChristineHassler.com

Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life,
by Christine Hassler

The Spouse House

Tweetables:

Podcast listeners get a special discount when signing up for my “Get Over Your Breakup and On… Click To Tweet

People feel most confident to make a decision or choice when they feel empowered.http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

Unhook yourself from the role of caretaker or savior, and give yourself what you give to… Click To Tweet

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Relationship Expiration Dates and Fears of Failure 

It has been a juicy couple weeks on the podcast!

Last week I coached Trinette who has been on again and off again with her ex-fiancé.  She calls it a “volatile” relationship and is questioning what she “should” about this particular man…but the issue is really not about this particular man it goes back much further.

Also, I bring up the term co-dependence in this episode. I am hesitant to throw out labels and I am never giving anyone a diagnosis; however, sometimes having a term that can help us understand something and realize we are not alone is helpful. After the call I do breakdown and explain co-dependence more so be sure to listen to that.

 Go here to listen to episode 97 

Now let’s shift gears to talk about failing.  Particularly, the fear of failing.  In this week’s episode I coach Lindsey who thinks she is calling in to ask me about time management and finding balance. But her block has less to do with time and more to do with her fear of failure. 

If you can relate to always having a “plan” and never wanting to fail or let anyone down, this is a must listen!

Go here to listen to episode 98 

I hope you enjoy and learn from these podcasts.  If you do love listening, please help spread the word about the show. Here is a tweet from you that I copied from a recent review of the show:

Listen to this excellent life coaching podcast on relevant topics related to personal growth and happiness. So inspiring! (tweet this!)

Have an awesome day!!!

Love,

p.s. How would you like VIP access to an incredible tribe of like-minded people and me as your coach?  If that sounds appealing, then join my Inner Circle!  This unique, intimate group composed of men and women from around the world and you can enroll at any time. It is a monthly membership that you can cancel at any time. Learn more here or email jill@christinehassler.com to set up a call and discover if Inner Circle is right for you.

EP 97: On-Again and Off-Again Relationships – Stop the Pattern of Breaking Up and Getting Back Together Again with Trinette

EP97v1 imageThis episode is about going back to a relationship even when you know it’s not what you want. Today’s caller, Trinette, is in a volatile relationship, but we uncover that it’s not about him but what he triggers in her.

Do these issues always go back to our parents? Not always. However, our formative years were when our mind programmed the belief systems that govern our current choices. It’s when most of our core wounds occurred because we didn’t have the tools or support to process them in a healthy way.

I don’t like to put labels on things, but I used the term codependent with Trinette to help her understand and relate. Codependency, when boiled down, is really a lack of a healthy sense of self. Codependent people get their self-worth from the approval of others or by taking on others as projects. They can also be people pleasers.

It is possible to heal codependency. Recognizing you are codependent means you are ready and willing to commit to having a healthy sense of self. The first step is to get out of the codependent relationship.

A healthy sense of self means we recognize that we are whole, lovable, and complete, and don’t “need” anyone. Relationships can be an expression of love and connection, rather than an attempt to fill the void.

To my Aussie Friends — My annual trip to Australia is slated for the first 2 weeks of October 2017. I will make time for private intensives and possibly a personal growth retreat or mastermind for wellness entrepreneurs. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com and let me know what you would like me to create while I am there.

Also,  I am launching a relationship course called Get Over Your BreakUp and On With Love. It’s about healing your old issues and creating the love you want. The 1st 10 people who email Jill@ChristineHassler.com and tell her you want to be in the course will receive a 10% discount.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in an on again-off again relationship? Do you keep going back for more, even though it’s really not what you want?
  • Can you relate to not feeling unconditional love when you were growing up?
  • Do you experience anxiety or sadness when you are not in a relationship? Do you settle for unhealthy relationships?
  • When it comes to self-love and self-trust, can you admit you have room to grow?

Trinette’s Question:

Trinette would like to know why there is so much back-and-forth in her relationship.

Trinette’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She’s judgmental towards her boyfriend.
  • Sometimes her boyfriend gets physical.
  • She felt like her parents were immature.
  • She has a trust issue with love.
  • The relationship feels addictive to her.
  • She had to do many things on her own growing up.
  • She feels like she has been in survival mode her entire life.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should acknowledge herself for recognizing the issue.
  • She needs to stop going back for more.
  • She needs to give love to herself.
  • She should research co-dependency.
  • She needs to make a choice about her relationship.
  • She needs to let go of the fear that she is like her mother.

Takeaways:

  • If you keep going in and out of a relationship you recognize as codependent, commit to choosing to get out of it.
  • Try these resources on codependency — Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More,  Pia Mellody’s Facing Codependence and Expectation Hangover.
  • Joining my Inner Circle membership community will give you both the tools and the support you need.
  • Forgive the parents who set up your codependent patterns. Write down everything they taught you. Even the things they taught you through contrast.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@ChristineHassler.com

Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life, by Christine Hassler

JERF Bars

Tweetables:

When parents aren’t around a lot, it’s hard for a child or adolescent to form a healthy sense of self.… Click To Tweet Children need to be loved, but they also need a model of self-love so they are not always looking outside of… Click To Tweet Focus more on the direction you want to go toward than the direction you want to move away from.… Click To Tweet

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