Tag Archives: commitments

EP 117: Moving From Awareness About Your Issues to Actually Making Changes with Natalie

EP117v1 (1)

This episode is about moving from awareness to integration. Today’s caller, Natalie, has been on the path of personal growth for two years but is finding it difficult to integrate her new awareness and make real change happen in her life.

Awareness is great but it’s only a step to actually making changes in our lives. We have to take awareness and shift it into changes — changes in the way we think, changes in the way we react and process our feelings, changes in our behavior. And, not from the perspective that there is anything wrong with us or that we are broken but from ‘what am I going to do with this awareness now that I have it?’

Trusting yourself is very important. You must stop doubting yourself and stop breaking your word with yourself in terms of commitments and self-care. If you do, consciously re-negotiate with yourself. When we don’t have self-trust it is torture. We agonize over a decision and we search for someone ‘out there’ to give us the answer or make us feel safe. No one else can do it. It is an inside job.

Be sure to check out this weekend’s Coaches Corner! I will be addressing ghosting and flaky behavior.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you find it challenging to move from awareness to integration?
  • Do you have a parent who has been absent in some way? A divorce, death, emotional unavailability and you sense it could be affecting your current relationships?
  • Can you relate to the feeling of being anxious in a relationship because of a fear that a person may leave and stop liking or loving you?
  • When it comes to trust, how are you at trusting others and do you trust yourself?

Natalie’s Question:

Natalie would like to know how to use her awareness to be happier with herself and in relationships.

Natalie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She had a loving and supportive relationship with her parents.
  • She expects men to betray her and has fears of abandonment.
  • She created a story to block out her father’s affair.
  • She doesn’t keep the self-honoring choices she makes to herself.
  • She had a strained relationship with her mother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should be more patient with herself and less critical of her development.
  • She should read or listen to the book, Attachment.
  • She should start connecting with her inner child.
  • She should trust herself and rely on her inner resources.


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Christine Hassler

Five Phases of Personal Growth Vlog

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find and Keep Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

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The conscious mind is only responsible for 3-5% of our behavior.http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

The kinds of relationships you have change most dramatically when your relationship with yourself… Click To Tweet

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EP 10: Keeping Commitments to Yourself

Episode 10 ShaOur caller today is Sha who is a millennial. Millennials are today’s 20 and early 30 somethings. Many millennials are unjustly thought to be narcissistic, entitled and said to have no work ethic.

Sha is experiencing residue from having many of her decisions made for her during her adolescence. And it’s not just Sha who is confronting these issues; many millennials feel the effects of over-parenting and the accompanying pressures that linger from missing out on important developmental stages.

Sha and I uncover her validation issues and examine her inability to stick to a routine. She becomes aware of her past programming and I offer her tools to assist her in reprogramming herself. One important tool is to understand that what she wants to hear from others is what she actually wants to hear from herself.

We also explore ways to relieve anxiety and self-trust issues through being in the present.

After the coaching session, I offer a special guided meditation; so go to a quiet place where you can close your eyes and get serene with me.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you have trouble making decisions?
Do you consult multiple people before you make a choice?
Is it hard for you to stick with a routine or stay disciplined?
Do you have a hard time quieting your mind?

Sha’s Question:

Sha finds it hard to make decisions and is having trouble relaxing.

Sha’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She was peacocking all the time
  • She wasn’t seeing herself
  • She may have missed out on fundamental developmental stages
  • She has difficulty with discipline and routines
  • She doesn’t trust herself

How to get over it and on with it:

  • Practice telling yourself “be here now”
  • Repair yourself by giving yourself the developmental stages you didn’t have
  • Take actions to support autonomy and decision making
  • Add some routines to your life
  • Start making decisions

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Validation seekers should write a list of everything they want to hear from others and say these things to themselves
  • Make a solo decision making challenge
  • Write out a routine for yourself. Have one commitment every morning and one commitment every evening
  • Start a meditation practice

Christine Hassler
The Solo-Decision Making Challenge
Christine’s Meditation Rx CD

Behavioral actions support mental awareness when developing your tolerance for discipline.
Are you in the habit of asking other people for their thoughts before you make simple decisions?
Millennials often get a “no-work ethic” label, but is it an honest representation of their potential?