Tag Archives: connection

EP 134: How to Get An Ex Out of Your Head with Andrea


This call is about is about reconnecting with our younger self and practicing real self-love. Today’s caller, Andrea, can’t get a guy out of her head. Is she following a pattern that started in her childhood?

If an ex is still taking up real estate within your head it’s probably not the person. There is something deeper within you that is begging for your attention and love.

In a relationship, we have to use discernment to know what is really a deep connection. Oftentimes, what we think is a deep connection is really infatuation and a positive projection. When we are getting to know someone we need to take off the rose-colored glasses. If you are feeling a deep connection to another person make sure you are also feeling a deep connection to yourself. Don’t get lost in the hormones of infatuation.

We must connect to the parts of us we have shamed or disowned and commit to having a more loving, nurturing relationship with ourselves.

Sometimes, we are scared of our own emotions but what about vulnerability? We don’t have to power through our emotions. It’s not weak to be vulnerable. It doesn’t make us a victim. Being vulnerable is incredibly courageous and powerful. Go slow, be with your emotions and be compassionate. So many of our emotions in our adult life stem from our childhood stuff. If we continue to power through our emotions we attract experiences that try to trigger them so we can finally feel them.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is there an ex or anyone else that you have had a difficult relationship with and you can’t get them out of your head?
  • Do you have the same kind of relationship patterns and the same results in relationships?
  • When you were younger did you often feel bullied, duped, left out, or isolated?
  • When you try to connect to younger parts of yourself do you feel silly? Do you find it hard? Is it difficult for you to do?

Andrea’s Question:

Andrea is looking for guidance as she tries to get an ex out of her head.

Andrea’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She hadn’t connected with someone so deeply before.
  • She is looking for someone to grow with her.
  • She doesn’t feel worthy of love.
  • She was bullied as a kid.
  • She judges herself.
  • She feels disconnected from her younger self.
  • She is nourishing her body with food instead of overeating.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She needs to nurture her younger self and tell her that she is capable of being loved.
  • She needs to reconnect with the part of her that feels ashamed and alone.
  • She should stop dating for a while.
  • She should attend a Mastery course.
  • She should check in with her little girl every day.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Start a communication with the younger parts of yourself. Get a picture and talk and write to yourself.
  • Take a pause from dating or doing things that reinforce the pattern that you want to break.
  • If you can’t get over an ex, see it as an alarm that triggers you to pay attention to yourself.
  • Sign up for my Mastery class coming up in May.


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Underneath anger, there is usually hurt. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

Do you soothe yourself with food? Do you know why you do it? http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

If an ex is still taking up real estate within your head, it’s probably not the person. There… Click To Tweet


Tips for loneliness

The feeling of loneliness is incredibly painful.  It can be particularly difficult this time of year where there is a lot of pressure to “deck the halls” with others and curl up roasting some chestnuts with a special someone.

The last thing I want for you this holiday season (or any other time of year) is to suffer by feeling alone.  The biggest gift you can give to yourself is to change how you experience time alone.  I realize that is easier said than done which is why my vlog this week is all about giving you ways to overcome and reframe loneliness.

I encourage you to watch the video for more details but here is a short summary if you only have time to read.

First, be very mindful of what you tell yourself when you are alone.  The fact that you are alone is not why you feel lonely.  The meaning you give being alone is what creates the feeling of loneliness.  If you tell yourself that you are a loser or something is wrong with you or life would be so much better if you had someone there, you are going to suffer.  If you choose loving and supportive thoughts while being conscious of not making not having people around mean anything negative about you, your experience will change.

It is MUCH easier to do what I suggested about when your connection cup is full.  Make an effort to make plans, get out with friends, get involved in hobbies or volunteerism, or anything else that gets you around people. Invite people to things, do not sit around and wait to be invited. Be proactive about being around people so that when you are alone, it can feel like a time to recharge and reconnect to yourself.

I spend quite a bit of time alone so this is something I have really learned to put into practice for my mental and emotional health.  I balance being out in the world and connected to others with spending time with myself.  If my connection cup is not full, then I am way more likely to feel lonely.

Also, we experience more loneliness when we do not feel a connection to some kind of Higher Power.  When our spiritual life is rich, we truly know that we are never alone (tweet this!).  We know we are part of the Oneness and loved unconditionally by our Higher Power.  If you realize your spiritual life is a bit poor, I encourage you to start a meditation practice, read some spiritual texts, listen to audios or podcasts – basically do anything to get yourself connected!

Loneliness is one of the most painful human experiences because it reinforces the illusion of separation. When we think we are on our own and feel disconnected we are more likely to feel sad, anxious, and worthless. 

As humans we NEED connection. Please do not wait for someone else to come and take the pain away. Be proactive about changing your story of being alone and filling your connection cup.

You are not alone!



p.s.  Did you catch this week’s podcast episode?  I coach Natalie on moving from awareness to actual change.  Go here to listen to ep 117.

Coaches Corner: Charlie Hoehn

300x300-ChristineHassler-PodcastCoverListen up as Charlie teaches us the importance of PLAY and connection. Charlie is the author of Play It Away: A Workaholic’s Cure for Anxiety, which was called ‘The cure to your stress!’ by Tony Robbins. Charlie has advised leaders on the topic of mental wellness at the Pentagon, U.S. Military, and Tesla. His blog is the #1 Google result for the search “cure anxiety.” He has helped dozens of authors promote their books — including Tim Ferriss, Ramit Sethi, and Tucker Max.


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Coaches Corner: How to get over feeling lonely

300x300-ChristineHassler-PodcastCoverSometimes the experience of loneliness can feel so painful that connection seems almost impossible.  If that feels true for you, here is a four-step process you can use to support yourself in relieving feeling lonely.

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