Tag Archives: dating

Coaches Corner: Answering Listener Questions

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In this Coaches Corner Christine answers three listeners questions.

The first one has to do with unhealthy dating patterns. The second question, from Joe, is about healing old childhood wounds. And the final question is about how to handle a friendship that may have reached it’s “expiration date.”

Listen in as Christine dishes some advice you can immediately apply to your own life!

To get your questions answered on air and/or be added to the waitlist to be coached, email assist@christinehassler.com

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Coaches Corner: Christine answers listener questions about improving communication in relationships and being more vulnerable in dating

podcast img new 800 x 800Listen in as Christine answers two listener questions. The first is about how to handle very different decisions making strategies in a marriage. The second is about opening your heart and being more vulnerable in dating after you have been hurt in the past.

 

 

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EP: 43 Why You Haven’t Found the “One” with Michael

EP43v2Let’s talk about finding the “one”. You know the magical person who is your soulmate, your other half, the one who completes you. I say these things with a tinge of sarcasm but I don’t inject the sarcasm because I am jaded or don’t believe in love, it’s there because of the misunderstandings regarding soulmates and the pain many of us go through when it comes to romantic relationships.

I believe there are lots of “ones” out there for us. My definition of a soulmate is someone who helps our soul to grow. Sometimes it’s through a gut-wrenching break-up, sometimes it’s through dating someone who triggers us and sometimes it’s through someone who just comes in, loves us and holds up a beautiful mirror to  remind us of who we truly are.  Soulmates can be romantic partners, friends, colleagues and even someone you share a plane ride with once and never see again.

So, why are many romantic relationships so painful?

  1. The relationships are mirrors which can trigger unresolved issues from our childhood.
  2. We often look to a romantic partner to fill our needs that our parents did not meet. This doesn’t attract the best people to us.
  3. We may want a relationship so badly to fill our voids or make us feel less alone that we move into a fantasy-based relationship.

Today’s call with Michael is a beautiful example of masculine vulnerability and strength. He finds himself dating from a place of pain rather than from love. He wants to move past the feeling that he needs to prove himself to women.

Michael’s mother wasn’t really there for him and so he ends up with women who don’t treat him well and who are not really there for him. This is the problem with trying to fill a void left by a parent through dating. We long so badly for the love of a parent that we attract someone just like them, which re-opens our unhealed wounds.

We have to bring love and forgiveness to those places inside and fill ourselves with our own loving acceptance. It’s time to let go of our fears about rejection, abandonment and getting hurt.

I have a free gift for all of my podcast listeners. Here is how to receive my free ebook and meditation downloads. I also invite you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which includes meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. There are only 3 reservations left. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join any of my events or business programs.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you longing for a soulmate so much that it is causing you to suffer?
  • Do you keep dating the same person but they have a different face?
  • Could issues from your childhood influence who and how you are dating?
  • Are you in a fantasy based relationship? Could it be time to remove your rose-colored glasses?

Michael’s Question:

Michael wants to know how to move past the pain of a previous relationship and how to know when the person he is dating is the right one.

Michael’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • He is trying to heal a core wound from his childhood through a romantic relationship
  • He is putting a lot of pressure on the women he dates
  • He realizes he keeps running back to fix past relationships
  • He carries fear and his unanswered questions around with him
  • He feels unworthy and feels he needs to prove himself to women
  • His strength is in his vulnerability, his honesty and his courage

How to get over it and on with it:

  • He should forgive the misunderstanding that he is unlovable or anything in his past was his fault
  • He needs to re-parent his younger self in a way he always longed for
  • He needs to take a dating hiatus

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Is there a little boy or girl inside of you that has some misunderstandings which really need to be healed?
  • Could it be time to end or transform your fantasy-based or issue-based relationship?
  • Perhaps it’s time for a dating hiatus and taking some time to date yourself.
  • Fall back in love with yourself and realize just how lovable you are.

Sponsor:

Onnit Wellness – Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link.

Resources:
Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Christine Hassler Free E-book
Expectation Hangover
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Jill@christinehassler.com

Tweetables:
Often, our strength is found in our vulnerabilities, our honesty and our courage. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet
We long so badly for the love of a parent we attract people just like them which just re-opens our unhealed wounds.… Click To Tweet.
It’s time to let go of our fears about rejection, abandonment and getting hurt. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

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EP 24: Stop Attracting and Dating Unavailable People

ep 24 v1If you have pattern of being in relationships or going after unavailable people (either emotionally unavailable or still in relationship with others), then this episode is a must listen!! You’ll also lean about what I call “Journey Mate” relationships.

When we are first starting a relationship we often try to be the person we think we need to be, rather than our most authentic selves. We believe we need to be a certain way in order to keep the other person attracted to us. What we think is love for the other person is actually a projection of the qualities within ourselves we would like to develop.

When the relationship ends before we think it should, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time, the relationship served us in some way. The other person was a journey mate. Journey mate relationships are a projection of what we need to see in ourselves. If the relationship doesn’t end and we continue sourcing our love from the other person we end up codependent. If this happens we may never fully express ourselves or stand in our power.

I define authenticity as the freedom to be fully expressed. If we are not authentic in our relationships we cannot expect to find the most aligned person for us. More than likely we end up attracting unavailable people who are not ready for commitment.

Steph believes perfection is required of her in her relationships. And since perfection doesn’t exist she experiences Expectation Hangovers, especially in relationships where she feels unable to be her authentic self. Aspiring for perfection has blocked her ability to be emotionally vulnerable.

If you have a pattern of attracting unavailable people or have just lost someone you thought was the one, listen to this call and Saturday’s Coaches Corner.

My book Expectation Hangover is now released in paperback and has a new subtitle – Free yourself from your past, change your present and get what you really want. If you don’t have a copy of it yet order it on amazon, audible or enjoy the company of others in a bookstore.

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you feel you are living an authentically, self-expressed life?
  • Do you have a pattern of attracting unavailable people?
  • Are you in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person? Are you an emotionally unavailable person?
  • Do you think you have to be perfect (or a certain way) to get the love you want?

Steph’s Question:

Steph finds herself attracted to emotionally unavailable people and it’s hard for her to show her vulnerable side in relationships. She wants to know how to shift to become emotionally available.

Steph’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She has a hard time showing her vulnerable side
  • She doesn’t trust love and can’t get it until she fixes herself
  • She sourced loved through someone else
  • She doesn’t feel good enough
  • She is capable of being her authentic self

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She should come back to what love really is
  • She could accept herself fully and completely
  • Her awareness is the first step of change
  • Write out what perfect and authentic means to her
  • Take a hiatus from dating for a while

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Write down all the things you learned from your journey mate relationship and then turn that on yourself
  • Define authenticity and understand how your most authentic self feels, behaves, communicates and loves
  • Understand where you have walls up around your heart and how you can let people in more

Sponsor:
Onnit Wellness – Alpha Brain

Resources:
Christine Hassler
@christinhassler on twitter
@christinehassler on instagram
christine@christinehassler.com

Tweetables:
How do you feel, behave, communicate and love as your true authentic self?
If you are striving to reach perfection stop right now because it doesn’t exist.”
There are 5 different relationship types. Do you know which ones serve you?

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