Maybe you have bought into one of these misunderstandings: If I love someone, I should make sure they are happy. If I love someone, it’s natural—even loving—to worry about them. If I love someone and they are hurting, I should try to save or change them.
We pair up certain behaviors with loving someone that are based more on fear than love. For instance, we people please because we are scared the people we love will be angry or abandon us if we don’t. We worry out of fear of that something bad may happen. We attempt to save or change someone from a fear-based judgment. We want to control someone else to quiet our fear of uncertainty.
And not only do we do these things in our relationship with others, we do them inside ourselves.
This week’s caller on the podcast, Amanda, wants to how to love herself without obsessing about things like calorie counting, her physical appearance, and working out. She has a misunderstanding that being so strict with herself is actually an act of self-care and love—but it’s not.