Tag Archives: Friendship

So much good stuff for your ears!!

This time of year seems to be busy for so many of us. It also can be triggering for many of us and I have some videos coming out for you in the next month around dealing with loneliness, stress and family dynamics during the holiday season. Stay tuned for that.

Today I want to update you on what’s been happening on the Over It and On With It podcast where I coach people live on the air.  We have had some amazing episodes lately.

In episode 114, I coach Arelle on turning off an ‘on again and off again’ relationship.  This call is about understanding the basis of relationships that feel like an addiction. When we have a relationship that feels like an addiction or a drug it generally comes from a childhood wound. It is important, developmentally and psychologically, to have a healthy relationship with our parents. If we don’t have a healthy relationship with our parents, and as adults we don’t resolve our issues through inner work, therapy, coaching or spiritual practices, we go looking for what we didn’t get from our parents from the people we date. Often, it is our younger self who picks our relationships . . . and that does not turn out so well!

Go here to listen to episode 114

Episode 115 is about expiration dates in friendship. We are not always good friends to ourselves and it can be reflected back to us in our friendships — like it is in my call with Claire. One of Claire’s friendships has just reached an expiration date and she is learning valuable lessons from it. Other people can be mirrors for us and often, it takes someone else to wake us up. If a friend treats us badly enough it causes us to look inside ourselves to understand what it is showing us. It can show us the kind of friend we are being to ourselves.

Go here to listen to episode 115

And don’t miss episode 116, where I coach Shanna on breaking out of a self-imposed prison cell and taking a conscious action which will lead to change. Shanna needs to squelch her limiting beliefs and embrace her strengths and her power. She has been punishing herself. Shame does that to us. When we feel ashamed about something we overcompensate and that becomes our punishment. Anytime we are in overcompensation mode and do not allow ourselves to live the life we really want, we keep ourselves in a self-imposed prison.

Go here to listen to episode 116

What I love most about this podcast is that in listening to these live sessions, you will realize that you are not alone. We ALL go through challenging things and have obstacles to overcome. It is my honor and great JOY to hold a space for this kind of deep work.

If you would like to be coached on the podcast, email assist@christinehassler.com and we will get you on the waitlist.

And if you are a fan of the podcast, please go to www.christinehassler.com/itunes and leave a rating and review and/or share about the show on your social media platforms. Thank you for your support

Sending you a big dose of love and light,

Christine

EP 115: Friendship Expiration Dates and Building Confidence with Claire

 

EP115v2This episode is about vanquishing self-criticism, letting things go that no longer serve you, and how to get what you want from life.

We are not always good friends to ourselves and it can be reflected back to us in our friendships — like it is today in my call with Claire. One of Claire’s friendships has just reached an expiration date and she is learning valuable lessons from it.

Other people can be mirrors for us and often, it takes someone else to wake us up. If a friend treats us bad enough it causes us to look inside ourselves to understand what it is showing us. It can show us the kind of friend we are being to ourselves.

Don’t stay in an unhealthy friendship or one that doesn’t serve either of you. We tend to hold on to friendships just a little longer because we don’t have to see the person as much. We justify putting up with it or we think we need to stay in the friendship because of the history. Or, we don’t have the guts to end it because we don’t want to upset somebody.

When we have a fierce inner critic it doesn’t compartmentalize. It doesn’t cheer us on in our career and then pick us apart physically. It is pervasive in all aspects of our lives. A fierce inner critic can impact our confidence. We can take something personally to our detriment or we can take it personally toward our growth.

To get what you want, you have to believe that what you want is out there. Your longing is your psychic knowing.

One of my favorite ways to empower people is teaching retreats. So, in March 2018 I am hosting my annual signature retreat. It is an intense 3-day, women-only spring event with only 20 spaces available. This is the last time I will lead the retreat as I am training others. For early-bird pricing or to find out more e-mail Jill@christinehassler.com or check out Spring Retreat.


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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you compartmentalizing your life? Are you stuck in one area that may be caused by an unresolved issue in another area of your life?
  • If you talked to or treated your friends like you do to yourself would you have any friends?
  • Is your confidence down? Do you find yourself on the receiving end of criticism from other people?
  • Do you have any friendships that have passed their expiration date and are no longer healthy for you to continue?

Claire’s Question:

Claire wants to get unstuck in her life after an emotional falling out with friends.

Claire’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She found a friend’s comments inappropriate.
  • She can be critical of herself and lack self-confidence.
  • Her friend is a mirror of how she treats herself.
  • Questioning herself has impacted her career momentum.
  • She goes through cycles of emotional sensitivity.
  • She doesn’t enjoy certain aspects of her job.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should leverage this experience to perpetuate her growth.
  • She should write down 50 things about herself she is grateful for.
  • She should write out a description of what she wants from her work.
  • She should collect evidence about why the job she wants does exist.

Takeaways:

  • Do a friendship inventory. Look at the friends in your life and ask yourself ‘Is this an aligned friendship? Has this friendship passed its expiration date and is it time to complete this relationship and move on?’
  • How can you be a better friend to yourself? Start being kind to yourself.
  • Write a detailed list of what you want. Get a picture in your mind and take action.
  • Make a list of 50 things you are grateful for.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Tweetables:

Don’t use self-criticism as a motivational tool.http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet It’s hard to believe in our dreams when we internalize other people’s… Click To Tweet Coaches, drop your agenda. The best way to be an amazing coach is to listen and follow the line of energy that comes… Click To Tweet

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Coaches Corner: Answering Listener Questions

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In this Coaches Corner Christine answers three listeners questions.

The first one has to do with unhealthy dating patterns. The second question, from Joe, is about healing old childhood wounds. And the final question is about how to handle a friendship that may have reached it’s “expiration date.”

Listen in as Christine dishes some advice you can immediately apply to your own life!

To get your questions answered on air and/or be added to the waitlist to be coached, email assist@christinehassler.com

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google

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Top 5 ways to make and improve friendships

We tend to place a lot of importance on romantic relationships and our careers, often neglecting the value of friendships.  This is not a recipe for a fulfilling life!!

Quality friendships are a key ingredient to happiness.

However friendship does come with some challenges . . .

We may have outgrown some friends as our values shift.

Friends move on either physically or onto create their own families and therefore become less available.

We have some past hurts around feeling left out or rejected so we doubt our ability to make new friends.

It is difficult to find like-minded people to begin friendships with.

But these challenges can be overcome and are definitely NOT a reason to give up on friendships!  In today’s vlog I give you my tips for creating and nurturing the kind of friendships that enhance the quality of your life.

I would not be where I am today without my friends. I turn to them for unconditional love and support.  They shower me with compassion when I am struggling, celebrate my wins, and lovingly challenge me when I am not operating at my best.

But making friends has not always been easy for me.  I had a huge story around being left out by the “mean girls” in school and did not trust other women. I was so afraid of rejection that I chose loneliness over taking the risk to make friends.  Eventually the loneliness got too painful and I worked to heal the wounds around my perceived rejection by my peers. I made the choice to put myself out (very awkwardly at first because I was so self-conscious!) because I wanted to belong and feel connected. I followed the tips I am sharing with you.

My closest friends are people who I have created and nurtured deep relationships with.  These people did not just appear in my life. I made friendship a priority and followed the advice I am sharing with you today.

Here is a brief overview of the tips that I dive much deeper into in the vlog:

1. Become a better friend to yourself. The more you positively shift your internal dialogue and self-perception, the easier it will be to attract quality friends. And remember: you are worthy of friendship!

2. Ask people out on friend dates! There are a lot of people out there who want to be your friend but consider they may not know you are interested in a friendship or they may have their own insecurities. Think of how flattered they will be when you ask them to be your friend.

3. Grow your friendships by nurturing them. Initiate phone calls and invite your friends out to things. Do not wait to be invited, create the experiences that cultivate connection.

4. Look at friendships that have faded away and if they are ones you are interested in maintaining, reach out and reignite that friendship. A little effort goes a long way when it comes to friendship. That said, free yourself from friendships that are toxic or depleting. Some friendships have an expiration date so let go of those to make room for fresh ones.

5. Consistently put yourself in places and situations where you are likely to meet like-minded people. You can find your tribe anywhere. Trust me they exist!!

Please do not rely on your partner, family or career to provide you with the heart and soul connection that we all need.  Put intention and effort into creating friendships that are based on vulnerability and shared values.  You do not need a ton of friends, but you do need a few who can truly love you.

One of my favorite proverbs is:

“A friend sings you the song of your soul when you’ve forgotten”

Find your tribe and nurture them.  Make having and being an amazing friend a top priority in your life.

If you found today’s message helpful, please share it.  Here’s a tweet for you:

Great tips for making and nurturing healthy friendships: http://bit.ly/2qX0WYV @christinhassler ((Tweet This!!))

And I want to hear your thoughts and questions. What do you appreciate most about your friends? How has friendship improved the quality of your life?  What challenges are you facing when it comes to friendship.  Head on over to the blog and share with me.

With love,
Christine

p.s. If you relate to being a people pleaser, do not miss this week’s podcast where I coach Laura on getting over her pattern of doing more for others than she does for herself.  Listen to episode 89 here.

p.p.s. I’m honored to be a featured teacher at the Friendship University – where intelligent women who value healthier friendships come to learn.  This week, until the end of May, all my friends and community members can access my class “Preventing Expectation Hangovers in Your Friendships” for FREE (valued at $25 and includes a worksheet and inspiring resources!) by using the code “hasslerfree” before 5/31.   Click here to sign up. 

p.p.s. How would you like VIP access to an incredible tribe of like-minded people and me as your coach?  If that sounds appealing, then join my Inner Circle!  This unique, intimate group composed of men and women from around the world and you can enroll at any time. It is a monthly membership that you can cancel at any time. Learn more here or email jill@christinehassler.com to set up a call and discover if Inner Circle is right for you.