Tag Archives: Growth

How to set (and keep!) healthy boundaries

Research has proven that people who feel connected to others live longer, healthier lives. Creating and maintaining healthy relationships is essential to our well-being, yet not always easy . . .

Sometimes we have to set boundaries with people, which can be hard to do (especially if you relate to being a people-pleaser).

What exactly are healthy boundaries? When do we set them? And how do we do it in a way that is loving?

These are the questions I explore in today’s vlog. I also reveal the #1 reason why so many of us know we should set a boundary with someone but do not follow through with it.

We are all here to learn and grow so it’s natural to experience growing pains with people you care about. The key word here is growing not pain. Setting boundaries is part of growth.

A boundary is an self-honoring agreement inside yourself or with another person that supports your well-being AND comes from love. When we tolerate hurtful or negative treatment from another, we end up building up resentment or eventually completely pulling away. Having the courage to communicate our needs and setting a boundary is more loving then pretending something is okay when it isn’t. (Tweet This!!).

There are two kinds of boundaries. The first one being Internal boundaries, which are agreements we make with ourselves to modify a relationship. For example, you may have a very negative friend who complains every time you are together. Perhaps you have even asked the person to be more positive and they have not adjusted. You are not ready to completely sever the friendship so instead you set a boundary that you will only make plans with that person once a month versus weekly.

The other type of boundary is one you verbally request from another. Say you have a relative who always asks you, “So are you dating anyone?” or “What’s going on with your career, find a job yet?” Their intrusiveness laced with a tone of judgment makes you cringe. You want to (or have to) be around them but you keep building up resentment whenever the intrusive question is asked. Time to set a boundary!! I give you an example of how you can say it in the video.

Boundaries not only prevent us from getting resentful and eventually throwing up a barrier, they also save us from being a doormat.

So if they are so helpful, why are they so hard to set and keep? Well because we are scared. Scared that the person will be hurt or mad. Scared they won’t like us. Scared that the relationship will end.

But what is scarier is being in unhealthy relationships or tolerating behavior that feels hurtful. For relationships to grow, there are sometimes growing pains. The other person may very well get hurt or angry. You are not responsible for their reaction. You are responsible for communicating honestly and with love.

Remember: being loving is being real, authentic and courageous. It is not all words of affirmation and rosy language. Consider what boundaries it may be time to set to grow yourself and your relationships.

In the words of Brene Brown: “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”

Love,

Christine

P.S. I am excited to share that I will be in London and hosting a one day transformation retreat on July 21st. You are invited to join me to work on releasing emotions and situations that are holding you back. Learn tools that create lasting change and give you peace of mind. Connect with other like-minded amazing people. And receive tons of love, guidance, and coaching from me. Go here for more details and to register.

Coaches Corner: Why is growth painful?

Screen Shot 2017-09-18 at , Sep 18>10.40.25 AM

Listen in as Christine discusses why growth can be so painful, why the pain is not “bad”, ways to decrease the pain, and why the pain is NOT necessary for growth.

https://christinehassler.com/2018/03/do-you-have-enough-pleasure-in-your-life/

Please help this show by taking the podcast one survey: www.Podcastone.com/mysurvey   

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google
podcastb

EP137: Feeling Unhinged and Rebellious with Jen

EP137This call is about is about getting over body image issues and having a healthy relationship with food. Today’s caller, Jen, has come a long way in healing body related issues but still feels unhinged when it comes to food. She realizes she is making unhealthy choices when it comes to food.

Many times, people who are doing self-love and body image work people do, they try to jump right to loving their body without acknowledging that maybe they are pissed off at it. We often cannot get to the love if we don’t acknowledge the anger.

And to get out of the energy of being a victim we must look at the lessons we learned or the catalyst and how it was useful in our life; otherwise, we will just continue to hold on to the pain.

When we work a lot on our issues, it can often make things more frustrating because we feel we have already done so much work and we don’t understand why we still have the issue. If you relate to this, cut yourself some slack. Remind yourself that growth and healing is a process, not an event. If something comes up again, it means you are ready for the next level of healing.

Whatever your biggie issue is I promise you are on your way. Freedom will come!

Are you looking for financial advice but don’t know where to turn? Download the Suze Orman Podcast, Women and Money, every Thursday on Podcast One.

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you struggle with truly loving your body? Do you feel comfortable and safe in it?
  • Do you rebel when it comes to food and get in a pattern of getting unhinged when you stop restricting yourself?
  • Did you grow up in a strict, religious, or suppressed household?
  • Is sexuality an area of your life in which you feel satisfied and empowered or do you feel disempowered or numb?

Jen’s Question:

Jen would like help in making healthier choices. 

Jen’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She was sexually assaulted and feels shame around it.
  • She doesn’t feel safe in her body.
  • She grew up in a religious family.
  • She felt awkward in her body.
  • She believes her body has caused her more pain than pleasure.
  • She wants to love her body.
  • Much of her joy and pleasure comes from food.
  • She is a Self-Love Coach.
  • She uses food as rebellion.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She needs to explore her sexuality.
  • She should look into S Factor dancing to experience movement and relaxation.
  • She should start talking to her body and write an apology and a love letter to it.
  • She needs to reclaim her body.
  • She should work on her intimate relationship with her body. 

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Growth is a process, not an event. Write down how far you’ve come instead of beating yourself up about how far you have to go.
  • Write an apology and a love letter to Jen.
  • Find out more about exotic dancing and practice expressing your body.
  • Start to notice things throughout the day that feel good about being in your physical body to help create a mind-body connection.

Sponsor:

THIRDLOVE What if you could take the away the hassle of bra shopping and find the perfect fitting bra in minutes? Take the fit finder quiz to find your perfect size, even if it’s a half size. They have over 60 bra sizes! Use the link to get 15% off the first purchase of your favorite bra.

Songfinch is a personalized gifting company that brings stories, feelings, and memories to life through one of a kind song. A community of professional songwriters will handcraft the most personal gift you can give. Use promo code ‘OVER IT’ to get 10% off your personalized song from scratch.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For those interested in being on the show

EP:133 — Reclaiming Your Sexuality and Getting Over Body Image Issues

Oh no, this again? Blog Post 

Tweetables:

You can’t mentally self-talk your way into self-love. In order break through the belief that… Click To Tweet It’s hard to be in self-love without really enjoying being in your body.… Click To Tweet Growth is a process, not an event. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

podcastb

So much good stuff for your ears!!

This time of year seems to be busy for so many of us. It also can be triggering for many of us and I have some videos coming out for you in the next month around dealing with loneliness, stress and family dynamics during the holiday season. Stay tuned for that.

Today I want to update you on what’s been happening on the Over It and On With It podcast where I coach people live on the air.  We have had some amazing episodes lately.

In episode 114, I coach Arelle on turning off an ‘on again and off again’ relationship.  This call is about understanding the basis of relationships that feel like an addiction. When we have a relationship that feels like an addiction or a drug it generally comes from a childhood wound. It is important, developmentally and psychologically, to have a healthy relationship with our parents. If we don’t have a healthy relationship with our parents, and as adults we don’t resolve our issues through inner work, therapy, coaching or spiritual practices, we go looking for what we didn’t get from our parents from the people we date. Often, it is our younger self who picks our relationships . . . and that does not turn out so well!

Go here to listen to episode 114

Episode 115 is about expiration dates in friendship. We are not always good friends to ourselves and it can be reflected back to us in our friendships — like it is in my call with Claire. One of Claire’s friendships has just reached an expiration date and she is learning valuable lessons from it. Other people can be mirrors for us and often, it takes someone else to wake us up. If a friend treats us badly enough it causes us to look inside ourselves to understand what it is showing us. It can show us the kind of friend we are being to ourselves.

Go here to listen to episode 115

And don’t miss episode 116, where I coach Shanna on breaking out of a self-imposed prison cell and taking a conscious action which will lead to change. Shanna needs to squelch her limiting beliefs and embrace her strengths and her power. She has been punishing herself. Shame does that to us. When we feel ashamed about something we overcompensate and that becomes our punishment. Anytime we are in overcompensation mode and do not allow ourselves to live the life we really want, we keep ourselves in a self-imposed prison.

Go here to listen to episode 116

What I love most about this podcast is that in listening to these live sessions, you will realize that you are not alone. We ALL go through challenging things and have obstacles to overcome. It is my honor and great JOY to hold a space for this kind of deep work.

If you would like to be coached on the podcast, email assist@christinehassler.com and we will get you on the waitlist.

And if you are a fan of the podcast, please go to www.christinehassler.com/itunes and leave a rating and review and/or share about the show on your social media platforms. Thank you for your support

Sending you a big dose of love and light,

Christine