Tag Archives: letting go

EP 99: Letting Go of an Ex with Michelle

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This episode is about making self-serving decisions. I coach today’s caller, Michelle, through a decision about her long-term relationship. As you can hear in the call, Michelle intuitively knows what she should do, but she needs to be empowered so she can take action.

People feel most confident to make a decision or choice when they feel empowered. We feel most empowered when we arrive at our own answers. During the session, I reflected back to Michelle, and I asked her a lot of questions so she could get to her own answers.

Michelle was invested in saving her husband, but was it more about him or her? Her intentions were pure, but she was outsourcing her self-worth by trying to save him. There was a limiting belief that if she saves or heals him it gives her value.

It’s important to unhook yourself from the role of caretaker or savior. Go back and listen to my after-the-call breakdown of Episode #97 with Trinette for my explanation of what codependency is.

All of us struggle, at one point, with a breakup, a challenging relationship, or lack of a relationship. Our struggles are often a catalyst to dive into personal growth work. We all want love and we all desire healthy, fulfilling relationships.

This is why I designed a special course, Get Over Your Breakup & On with Love. It includes all of my best stuff when it comes to love and relationships. It is for anyone who is looking to get over a hurt and step into self-love and a loving relationship. Over and On With It Podcast listeners get $100 off the course until Sept. 1st. Simply use the promo code: PODCAST.

Also, thanks to those of you who signed up for my Summer of Love Challenge. There are more Challenges coming, so sign up to get a daily email about spreading and sharing love, from me. Plus, when you sign up you become eligible to get 6-months free in my Inner Circle Membership Community.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you still hanging on to an ex, either emotionally or physically, even though you know it’s unhealthy to still be engaged?
  • Do you love taking care of others? Is part of your identity to help others or save others?
  • When it comes to self-love, are you good at taking outward actions, but maybe not so good at the internal compassion?
  • Are you more concerned about someone else’s feelings than your own?

Michelle’s Question:

Michelle wants to know if she should stay in her current long-term relationship.

Michelle’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She grew up in an environment of physical and verbal abuse.
  • Her husband is verbally abusive to her and her children.
  • She doesn’t focus on herself.
  • Her 15-year-old daughter wants her to get a divorce.
  • She’s afraid to make the wrong decision.
  • She recognizes she needs to change her life and to give her kids a different environment.
  • She’s known what to do but needed validation to move forward.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to make a decision to break patterns and to change things.
  • She needs to start documenting abuse.
  • She needs to stop beating herself up and practice self-love and self-care.
  • She needs to believe in herself and give herself positive encouragement.

Assignments:

  • Check out my “Get Over a Breakup and On” with Love course.
  • Make a list of your healthy agreements in relationships.
  • Make a list of all the things you are good at doing for other people, and then do them for yourself.

Sponsor:

Daily Harvest — Organic Superfoods delivered to your door. Use promo code OVERIT to get 3 free Daily Harvest cups.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@ChristineHassler.com

Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life,
by Christine Hassler

The Spouse House

Tweetables:

Podcast listeners get a special discount when signing up for my “Get Over Your Breakup and On… Click To Tweet

People feel most confident to make a decision or choice when they feel empowered.http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

Unhook yourself from the role of caretaker or savior, and give yourself what you give to… Click To Tweet

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EP 61: Letting Go of Expectations and Pressure from Others with Lorena

EP61v2When we are so paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes or failing, we don’t develop grit. Grit is what gives us confidence. If we don’t have to figure things out on our own we find ourselves paralyzed when making choices as we get older. When parents place too many expectations on their children, their children may grow into adults that don’t know what they truly want.

If you are a millennial, take the pressure off of yourself to make the right choice and allow yourself to make a mistake. Failure is how you learn. If you are the boss, manager or parent of a millennial, stop making all of their decisions for them.

This episode will be useful for ANYONE at any age.

Today’s caller, Lorena, is having a highly-charged emotional reaction to the circumstances in her life. The pressure of living up to parental expectations is clouding her ability to decide what she truly wants.

  • If you are a millennial and you are having difficulty with your parents, remember you are the child. It is not your responsibility to live up to their expectations.
  • If you are the parent of a millennial, it’s time to let them go so they can be their own person. Let them make their own mistakes. Stop telling them who they are so they can discover it for themselves.
  • If you relate to having a high-standard of achievement, don’t let achievement to become your identity. Don’t let your self-worth be hooked to your achievements.

People get tripped up when they start with the end game instead of having a vision of how they would like to feel. Sometimes it is just about taking the first step.

Consider where you may be holding yourself prisoner by letting someone else define you? How can you step into freedom by defining who you are and making your own choices?

Coaches – Lorena’s belief system was triggering her emotional response. As you can tell by her response, it was greater than what was necessary for what was really going on. Remember, there is what happens, and then what we make it mean. When working with people you want to honor and hold space for their emotions, at the same time ask questions to shift belief systems. Your goal is not to coddle a person but to get them into their insight.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you ever feel upset over something you shouldn’t be so emotionally triggered by?
  • Do you put a lot of pressure on yourself to live up to your own expectations or those of others?
  • Have you received a lot of external validation for your achievements, and you constantly crave it?
  • Do you feel that you owe someone something, or that you have something to prove?

Lorena’s Question:

Lorena has recently decided to start over and go back to school to give herself the opportunity to do something greater. But, she doesn’t know what she wants to do.

Lorena’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She wants to have an end goal.
  • She excelled at academics and was praised for it.
  • She feels she doesn’t meet her parent’s expectations.
  • She may be too emotionally upset to reach clarity.
  • She doesn’t want to end up resenting her parents.
  • She appreciates the difference in her life and her parent’s life.
  • She should use the gifts her parents have given her.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should realize she is the child and she doesn’t have to live her life according to their expectations.
  • She should express her gratitude toward her parents, plus let them know she needs to make her own mistakes.
  • She needs to stand in her own choices.
  • She needs to let go of her guilt in order to be free to explore.
  • She should write a letter to her parents and ask them to support her.
  • She should listen to her inner voice.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • If you are having a difficult situation with someone, write a letter to them, even if it is emotionally charged.
  • If you experience heightened emotions, take a deep breathe and ask yourself “What do I know to be true in this moment?”
  • What belief systems are you wearing that just don’t fit anymore, or are they actually someone else’s beliefs?

Sponsor:

Audible – Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial.

Resources:

Christine Hassler – Book a session to be on the show!
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Christine Hassler Free E-book
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
20 Something, 20 Everything, by Christine Hassler

Tweetables:

Where are you holding yourself prisoner by letting someone else define you? http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To TweetChildren come through parents, they don’t belong to parents. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To TweetSet a strong intention to come from love, not fear. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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p.s. Would you like a behind the scenes look into all of my lifehacks? The
doors to my Inner Circle are open and you can receive regular coaching from
me, learn incredible new personal growth tools and lifestyle tips, receive
a custom meditation each month, and be a part of an awesome community of
like-minded people! Go here to learn more.

EP 57: Letting Go of Blame After a Breakup with Emma

EP57v1Today’s caller, Emma, is seeking guidance after a breakup. She would like to move forward with building her business but finds herself battling with self-doubt and procrastination. Emma is taking ownership of the issue and has a high-level of self-awareness about it, but she needs to uncover what is holding her back.

When we ask ourselves the question “what am I learning from this situation?” instead of “why did it happen to me?” we unlock something which is critical to our growth and healing. When a relationship ends, we are never 100% victims. We need to take 100% responsibility for the 50% which is our part. That said, we must do so without self-judgment or blame. We must accept we did the best we could with what we had at the time, and we now have an opportunity to do better moving forward.

In future relationships, Emma has the opportunity to be more intimate. She was playing out the same patterns of withholding and people pleasing in her business, as she did in her marriage. Instead of being vulnerable she felt ashamed of sharing what was really going on in her life.

People crave intimacy. Especially those who love us, care about us or want to get to know us. They want to feel like they are getting the real person. It’s hard to love someone who is wearing a mask or people pleasing all the time because we never know how they really feel.

If you withhold of yourself through people pleasing, perfection or because you don’t trust people, it is time to examine that aspect of yourself. Emotional suppression holds energy back. Forgiveness can only begin after we bring acceptance and compassion to our feelings.

We are unique but in many ways we are similar. We also have core pains and patterns that hold us back and once we move and shift those, we can move the needle in other parts of our lives. I address core pains and patterns in my Over It and On With It Mastery Course.

My personal mastery coaching course, Over It and On With It, is now open for registration until October 20th. The 6-week course includes a 90-minute call every other week, worksheets, guided meditations and more. This course is the best of my spiritual practices and practical tips. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Mastery to register. Allow me to give you the support you need.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you a procrastinator?
  • Have you gone through a breakup and blame yourself or the other person?
  • Do you relate to being a people pleaser?
  • Is intimacy challenging for you?
  • Would you like to teach your children something you wish you had learned as a child?

Emma’s Question:

Emma would like strategies on how to move forward after her breakup.

Emma’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She feels as if she wasn’t enough in her relationship.
  • She is a people pleaser.
  • She doesn’t trust herself.
  • She suppresses her emotions.
  • She did the best she could with the tools she had at the time.
  • She punishes herself for going after what she wants.
  • She needs to get eliminate the belief she needs to be perfect to teach forgiveness.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to welcome the emotional aspect of her feelings.
  • She should do forgiveness work around her self-blame.
  • She should be compassionate towards herself to move into acceptance.
  • She can empower her children with the tools she didn’t have.
  • She needs to believe she deserves her dreams.
  • She should create a meditation course for others to help herself heal.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Write a letter to yourself or another person without sending it. It will help move the energy so it can be healed.
  • Take a look at your life and see where you are withholding, not being honest, or people pleasing, and channel the energy to create something fun.
  • Empower your children with the tools and knowledge you wish you would have had.

Resources:

Christine Hassler
How to Make Change Happen and stick! FREE Webinar Valid until 10-20-2016
Over It and On With It Personal Mastery Coaching Course
Expectation Hangover
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Christine Hassler Free E-book
@chrishassler on Snapchat
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com

Tweetables:

You can empower your children the tools you didn’t have. Work through Expectation Hangover with them.… Click To Tweet
Guilt takes up a lot of energetic real estate. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
The original definition of passion is suffering. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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EP 20: How to Let Go of the Past

ep 20 v1v2If you were to write out your autobiography with the early chapters being on your past and the middle chapters representing the present, what would you change about your current story to get the ending (your future) to turn out just the way you want it to? Would you allow bitterness to leak into your later chapters or would you embrace forgiveness of yourself and those who may have hurt you?

It’s never too late to drop old belief systems and ‘un-program’ yourself. It’s never too late to change. Living as a victim means you do not want to take full responsibility for your life. Becoming the most authentic version of yourself will happen when you move through the process of forgiveness. It will set you free and allow you to live fully in the present.

Today’s caller, Miranda, needed her story to be heard free of judgment and from a place of compassion. She believed she needed to behave a certain way in order to receive love. Her compensatory strategy of being a caretaker, a rescuer, and a people pleaser was attracting toxic people into her life and not bringing her the love she desired.

People in your past can no longer be an excuse for why you don’t have what you want in your present.

If you enjoy this podcast please share on social media and leave a rating or review on iTunes.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • What are you still holding on to from your past that is impacting your present and creating your future?
  • How does Miranda’s story mirror your own?
  • When it comes to getting romantic love, what do you have to do or need to be in order to get it?
  • Is there someone you need to forgive?

Miranda’s Question:

Miranda is having trouble letting go of the past and finding forgiveness. She feels she has alienated everyone important in her life with her bitterness.

Miranda’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She should acknowledge her blessings
  • She is attracting toxic people because it’s the only type of love she knows
  • She has made massive judgments about her own choices
  • She tries to get love by being a victim
  • She doesn’t know how to forgive

How to get over it and on with it:

  • Update your own programming
  • She needs to forgive everyone in her life including herself
  • Find spiritual altitude
  • Start being nicer to herself
  • Work through the behavioral exercises in Expectation Hangover

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Identify your compensatory strategy and shift it
  • Understand the payoffs to the behaviors you don’t like
  • Who do you think you need to forgive?
  • Make a list of your gifts, of all the things you truly love about yourself and make that your new story
  • Know that your past does not need to dictate the present

Resources:

Christine Hassler
Expectation Hangover
@christinhassler
christine@christinehassler.com

Tweetables:

What is your story? Not the story of your past but the new story which is your future.
Do you know how to forgive? Walk through the process of forgiveness to set yourself free.
People in your past can no longer be an excuse for why you don’t have what you want in your present.

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p.s. Would you like a behind the scenes look into all of my lifehacks? The
doors to my Inner Circle are open and you can receive regular coaching from
me, learn incredible new personal growth tools and lifestyle tips, receive
a custom meditation each month, and be a part of an awesome community of
like-minded people! Go here to learn more.