Tag Archives: loneliness

Tips for loneliness

The feeling of loneliness is incredibly painful.  It can be particularly difficult this time of year where there is a lot of pressure to “deck the halls” with others and curl up roasting some chestnuts with a special someone.

The last thing I want for you this holiday season (or any other time of year) is to suffer by feeling alone.  The biggest gift you can give to yourself is to change how you experience time alone.  I realize that is easier said than done which is why my vlog this week is all about giving you ways to overcome and reframe loneliness.

I encourage you to watch the video for more details but here is a short summary if you only have time to read.

First, be very mindful of what you tell yourself when you are alone.  The fact that you are alone is not why you feel lonely.  The meaning you give being alone is what creates the feeling of loneliness.  If you tell yourself that you are a loser or something is wrong with you or life would be so much better if you had someone there, you are going to suffer.  If you choose loving and supportive thoughts while being conscious of not making not having people around mean anything negative about you, your experience will change.

It is MUCH easier to do what I suggested about when your connection cup is full.  Make an effort to make plans, get out with friends, get involved in hobbies or volunteerism, or anything else that gets you around people. Invite people to things, do not sit around and wait to be invited. Be proactive about being around people so that when you are alone, it can feel like a time to recharge and reconnect to yourself.

I spend quite a bit of time alone so this is something I have really learned to put into practice for my mental and emotional health.  I balance being out in the world and connected to others with spending time with myself.  If my connection cup is not full, then I am way more likely to feel lonely.

Also, we experience more loneliness when we do not feel a connection to some kind of Higher Power.  When our spiritual life is rich, we truly know that we are never alone (tweet this!).  We know we are part of the Oneness and loved unconditionally by our Higher Power.  If you realize your spiritual life is a bit poor, I encourage you to start a meditation practice, read some spiritual texts, listen to audios or podcasts – basically do anything to get yourself connected!

Loneliness is one of the most painful human experiences because it reinforces the illusion of separation. When we think we are on our own and feel disconnected we are more likely to feel sad, anxious, and worthless. 

As humans we NEED connection. Please do not wait for someone else to come and take the pain away. Be proactive about changing your story of being alone and filling your connection cup.

You are not alone!

Love,

Christine

p.s.  Did you catch this week’s podcast episode?  I coach Natalie on moving from awareness to actual change.  Go here to listen to ep 117.

EP 100: How to Find Yourself When You Feel Isolated and Lack Self-Esteem with Judy

 

EP100This episode is about being your authentic self and speaking your truth. I coach today’s caller, Judy, through her feelings of isolation, and empower her to have an honest conversation with her husband, and herself, about her needs.

Loneliness is an epidemic, especially in this day and age when so many of us live alone. We are not close to our family geographically, or we don’t have a soul family or community to be a part of. We need a healing connection. We need to feel part of something, part of a tribe. We need to feel connected to ourselves. What often perpetuates a feeling of loneliness is a disconnection to ourselves that comes from judging ourselves and being hard on ourselves. If you suffer from loneliness or a lack of self-esteem you are not alone. Let the fact that you are not alone motivate you to gain confidence and to connect with a community.

Speaking your truth is when you say what’s true for you, and you are able to communicate your needs. When are you not speaking your truth?

Many of us think people pleasing is a way to get love and find validation. We think if people see the real us, they may not like us. The more you show the real you, and the more authentic you are, your relationship with yourself will improve, your self-esteem will improve, and the intimacy and connection you have with other people will also improve.

It’s great to make other people happy but it’s more important to please ourselves first, by making self-honoring choices. People pleasing could be the reason you are feeling isolated. On some level, people pleasing is draining.

Drop the people pleasing, up your self-esteem by making self-honoring choices and get out there and find your tribe!

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you feel isolated? Are you craving more connection?
  • Are you in a marriage or relationship where you feel isolated? Do you feel like you are dependent on your partner or you are living according to their dreams and desires more than your own?
  • Are you a people pleaser? Do you have a hard time making your needs a priority?
  • Do you find it challenging to speak your truth?

Judy’s Question:

Judy wants to know how to find herself and how to raise her self-esteem.

Judy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She has been continuously moving for a year.
  • Her husband tries to support her but he doesn’t really get it.
  • Her husband has a stronger personality than she does.
  • She’s dependent on her husband and doesn’t go places on her own.
  • She always puts other people first.
  • She has a hard time saying no.
  • She takes care of people, hoping it will help to build intimacy.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should be honest and vulnerable with her husband about her feelings.
  • She should speak up when she feels she wants to say something.
  • She should lean more into authenticity and less into people pleasing.
  • She should spend some time on her own engaging with other people.

Takeaways:

  • If you are in a relationship with the opposite sex, and would like to improve your masculine/feminine communication dynamics, consider studying the subject more.
  • If you are feeling isolated, start with a goal of talking to five new people every day, and then build on that number. Start getting yourself out there and finding your tribe.
  • Speak your truth authentically. If you have trouble doing it, join the Inner Circle community. Authenticity is this month’s area of focus.
  • Communicate your needs to the most important people in your life.

Sponsor:

Daily Harvest — Organic Superfoods delivered to your door. Use promo code OVERIT to get 3 free Daily Harvest cups.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@ChristineHassler.com

Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life,
by Christine Hassler

The Queen’s Code, by Alison A. Armstrong

Understand Men PAX Program by Alison Armstrong

David Deida

Tweetables:

You are the source of your own safety.http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

[It’s wonderful to do things that please other people, but not if you are sacrificing your… Click To Tweet

A healthy, loving relationship with ourselves and with source is how we avoid being lonely when we are… Click To Tweet

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Coaches Corner: How to get over feeling lonely

300x300-ChristineHassler-PodcastCoverSometimes the experience of loneliness can feel so painful that connection seems almost impossible.  If that feels true for you, here is a four-step process you can use to support yourself in relieving feeling lonely.

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud

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EP 30: The Fear of Being Alone: How to Get Over It!

ep 30 v2There is a difference between being alone and feeling the pain of loneliness. We do not have to suffer from the pain of loneliness if we are enjoying a connected relationship with our self and a higher power. We are never really alone, and the illusion of the separation of God, higher power source or universe, is one of the core misunderstandings we are all here to overcome.

If we tell ourselves things like “I’m alone, I hate being by myself, something must be wrong with me, I really need to be with other people”, then, of course we feel the pain of loneliness. It’s very human to want to be connected and to make sure we are getting our soul food by spending time with people we love.

Feeling isolated or disconnected is incredibly hard. But sometimes it is the pain of loneliness that inspires us to do the work to nurture a better relationship with our self, or to create or deepen a spiritual connection.

This is exactly what is on the soul agenda for today’s caller, Christina. Her question initially is about the assumptions she’s making that are sabotaging her relationship, but her core issue is fear of being alone. She has a track record of being in toxic relationships or relationships she truly doesn’t want to be in just because it was better than being on her own.

Remember you are never truly alone. You are always connected to infinite and unconditional love from God.

I invite all of you to join me September 16-22 for my retreat in magical Bali which  will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join the festivities or to join me in Los Angeles in July for my signature retreat.

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is your fear of being alone so considerable that you jump from relationship to relationship?
  • Do you hesitate to do things alone?
  • Are you terrified you will end up old and alone?
  • Do you only feel safe when you are with another person?
  • Are you longing for a deeper connection to yourself and a higher power so you do not have to experience the pain of loneliness or separation?

Christina’s Question:

Christina feels she is sabotaging her relationship by assuming this partner will do the same things as her previous partner.

Christina’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She panics when she thinks of being alone
  • She is trying to learn how to be in a relationship with herself
  • She grew up with a fear of losing the people she loved
  • She settles in relationships to keep herself from being alone

How to get over it and on with it:

  • Redefine what being alone is
  • Create a feeling of safety without having someone else there
  • Have honest communication with her partner about taking a break
  • Bring a spiritual practice into her life
  • Apply her own calming tactics into her own life

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Understand your default pattern when you feel lonely. What can you tell yourself instead of going into your default pattern?
  • Think of someone you speak highly of and then talk about yourself the same way. You deserve to be the recipient of loving, self-talk.
  • Cultivate a spiritual practice.
  • Make connections with soul friends and your soul family.

Sponsor:

Onnit Wellness – Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link (including my favorite Alpha Brain).

Resources:

Christine Hassler
Expectation Hangover
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Jill@christinehassler.com

Tweetables:

Do you jump from relationship to relationship in order to not be alone?
A spiritual practice can help you feel connected when you feel the pains of loneliness.
Do you have people in your life or soul friends you can share anything with?

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p.s. Would you like a behind the scenes look into all of my lifehacks? The
doors to my Inner Circle are open and you can receive regular coaching from
me, learn incredible new personal growth tools and lifestyle tips, receive
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like-minded people! Go here to learn more.