Tag Archives: love

Why do we push love away?

We long for love.  We want to fall in love, feel loved and love others.

So why is it that sometimes when love comes our direction, we get scared and push it away?  If we want love so badly, why do we run from it when it comes? What makes us engage in sabotaging behaviors or question whether we can trust the love that is coming our direction?

This is exactly the topic I explore in episode 91 of Over It and On With It. I coach Samantha who is in a new relationship that is very loving; however, she notices herself having a lot of anxiety her lovability and whether or not she can trust love, which is causing her to push him away.

This is an important episode to listen to no matter if you are in relationship or not because we touch on some of the big fears when it comes to receiving any kind of love or attention. Listen here.

You see all of us want love and to be seen, but when it comes right down to actually receiving love and letting love FULLY in, it can feel incredibly overwhelming.

When we lack self-love and doubt our own lovability, we get scared and push love away. We do this from little things like deflecting compliments to big things like “testing” people that are close to us by seeing how many buttons we can push in them until they run.

We have a story about love like “love leaves” or “people that love me hurt me” or “I’m not good at love”  . . . and then as much as we don’t want to relieve that story, our attempts to protect ourselves from it end up recreating it.

How do we shift this and truly LET LOVE IN? That’s the question I answer as I coach Samantha.

>>Go here to listen to Episode 91<<

There is nothing you have to do to deserve love.  Trust your lovability and let love in.

The only way to get the love you want, is to go all in.((Tweet This!!))

With love,

p.s. How would you like VIP access to an incredible tribe of like-minded people and me as your coach?  If that sounds appealing, then join my Inner Circle!  This unique, intimate group composed of men and women from around the world and you can enroll at any time. It is a monthly membership that you can cancel at any time. Learn more here or email jill@christinehassler.com to set up a call and discover if Inner Circle is right for you.

EP 71: I Am Afraid of Losing What I Love! With Nicole

EP71v2Today’s episode is about being confident in your current relationship. During this coaching session with Nicole, she tells me she is in her first serious romantic relationship, and she is afraid she is going to sabotage it.

Nicole is to be acknowledged for her level of awareness and coachability during this call. It was fun to work with her to update her belief systems and to get her excited about learning how to be in a relationship. One thing we didn’t talk about was her possible “Upper Limits” issue. Nicole is getting more love and emotional availability than she ever has before, which is what she wants; she just doesn’t know what to do with it.

I wanted to empower Nicole to enjoy the relationship she’s in, because it’s important to know the difference between when it’s time to go back into our past and chip away at something, and when it’s time to get over it and on with our lives. So, we worked on Nicole’s belief systems, and I allowed her to adopt a beginner’s mind. She didn’t have a healthy model for being in a romantic relationship, so I recommended she learn about what a healthy romantic relationship is.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is there something in your life you are afraid of losing?
  • Do you feel new at something, and feel you should just know how to do it?
  • Are you aware or think you have some limiting beliefs from your past that are negatively impacting your current situation?

Nicole’s Question:

Nicole would like to know why she feels triggered to leave romantic relationships.

Nicole’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She’s afraid of losing the things she cares about.
  • She felt her parents were emotionally unavailable.
  • She feels it’s better to be alone than to feel disconnected when she’s with someone.
  • She gets panicked in the moment.
  • She will try enjoying her relationship more.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should reprogram her brain with her new belief system.
  • When she feels panicked she should place one hand on her heart and one on her belly, and ask, “What do I need, right now?”
  • She should get books to help her learn about love and relationships.
  • She should have patience, get excited, and have fun.


  • Are you having an Upper Limits issue? Check out The Big Leap, by
    Gay Hendricks and listen to my Upper Limits Coaches Corner. Make a list of all the reasons you deserve the good things that are happening to you.
  • Update and reframe your belief systems. Go to Byron Katie’s The Work for free worksheets.
  • Have a beginner’s mind.


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We all deserve love and happiness. It’s what we are here for. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet
A lot of us didn’t have healthy models of what a spiritual-conscious romantic relationship looks like.… Click To Tweet
There is a difference between the needy that comes from insecurity, and needy that comes vulnerability.… Click To Tweet


When fear-based behaviors are disguised as love

Sometimes we equate love with things that are not love at all. (Tweet This!!)

Maybe you have bought into one of these misunderstandings:  If I love someone, I should make sure they are happy. If I love someone, it’s natural—even loving—to worry about them. If I love someone and they are hurting, I should try to save or change them.

We pair up certain behaviors with loving someone that are based more on fear than love. For instance, we people please because we are scared the people we love will be angry or abandon us if we don’t. We worry out of fear of that something bad may happen. We attempt to save or change someone from a fear-based judgment. We want to control someone else to quiet our fear of uncertainty.

And not only do we do these things in our relationship with others, we do them inside ourselves.

This week’s caller on the podcast, Amanda, wants to how to love herself without obsessing about things like calorie counting, her physical appearance, and working out. She has a misunderstanding that being so strict with herself is actually an act of self-care and love—but it’s not.

Continue reading

EP 55: How to Accept What Seems Impossible to Accept with Aly

Copy of EP55v1Do you relate to yourself as a constant self-improvement project and find yourself overdosing on personal growth? Maybe, you should take a little break to enjoy life. Being in a state of learning and growing is different than coming from a place of “I need to fix me”. You can not be fixed because you are not broken.

Self-love includes accepting and being gentle with our inner critic when it pops up. We are human. We are not going to love everything about ourselves at all times. Self-love is a daily practice of forgiving ourselves so we can take responsibility for our actions without beating ourselves up.

Today’s caller, Aly, wants to move into acceptance of an illness but she is attempting to do it with a lot of judgment about herself and not from a place of love.

Women endure a lot of negative energy and pain about their bodies. Practice appreciation over criticism and pay attention to the gifts your body brings, rather than the way it looks. If you really want your body to look different, commit to treating it differently. Be mindful of the food and substances you fuel it with. Be committed to moving it in a way that keeps it healthy and fit. Our relationship with our bodies boils down to choices.

If you have a disorder, illness or are going through a job loss, what are you making it mean about you? We can not always control what happens to us but we can control what we make it mean. You can approach it from the orientation of being a true seeker rather than a fix-it project. Being a constant learner allows you to look at the most challenging things in your life through the lens of “What is my soul seeking to learn from this?”

And, be cautious of always being right about your story. Be honest with yourself about how attached you are to your story. Often, people don’t think they are able to change their story, but they may just be attached to it. We need to believe we have the power to shift our relationship to our stories. Pay attention to your “if-then” scenarios. Believing in “When I do this, I will be that” is conditional acceptance.

I am putting together all of my best tools and resources for you. My video course is coming out in October and it will focus on acceptance — because acceptance is the first law of spirit. My gift to you is to be on the list for the first announcement and for the early bird discount. Visit ChristineHassler.com/VIPlist to sign up.  

Australia friends, I will be in Sydney from September 27 – October 6. I am scheduling one-on-one sessions, half-day intensives and full day intensives. Sunday, October 2nd, I will be leading a workshop on building a meaningful and profitable business with heart. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com for my scheduled openings.

Also, applications are available for my Secret Sauce program which can help you take your business to the next level. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com for program details.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you see yourself as a constant self-improvement project?
  • Do you approach self-love with an all or nothing attitude?
  • Are you hard on yourself — Especially your body?
  • Is there something you are attempting to get rid of by sweeping it under the rug or hating it?

Aly’s Question:

Aly has spent many years trying to get rid of chronic disease and would like to know how to accept it and get unstuck.

Aly’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She feels she is not good enough
  • She can’t seem to accept who she is
  • She is afraid to be happy
  • She uses her weight as a happiness meter
  • She abuses herself and feels guilty about it

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She needs to realize she is not broken
  • She should get the anger out by writing letters to the guys who broke her heart
  • She should write an apology letter to her body
  • She should give her body a love bath every morning
  • By realizing she is proud of herself

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Give yourself permission to write an F-U letter — write it and then destroy it.
  • Write an apology letter to your body using these sentence stems:
    • I’m sorry because…
    • I’m learning from you that…
    • I forgive myself for…
    • I forgive you, body, for…
  • Give yourself a body love bath.
  • Make self-honoring choices and make new agreements with yourself.


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A disease may be around to serve as a reminder that there are no answers at the physical… Click To Tweet
Making self-honoring choices is a huge act of self-love.http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet
You are not a self-improvement project. Self-love is a daily practice we reinforce with self-honoring… Click To Tweet