Tag Archives: love

EP 134: How to Get An Ex Out of Your Head with Andrea

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This call is about is about reconnecting with our younger self and practicing real self-love. Today’s caller, Andrea, can’t get a guy out of her head. Is she following a pattern that started in her childhood?

If an ex is still taking up real estate within your head it’s probably not the person. There is something deeper within you that is begging for your attention and love.

In a relationship, we have to use discernment to know what is really a deep connection. Oftentimes, what we think is a deep connection is really infatuation and a positive projection. When we are getting to know someone we need to take off the rose-colored glasses. If you are feeling a deep connection to another person make sure you are also feeling a deep connection to yourself. Don’t get lost in the hormones of infatuation.

We must connect to the parts of us we have shamed or disowned and commit to having a more loving, nurturing relationship with ourselves.

Sometimes, we are scared of our own emotions but what about vulnerability? We don’t have to power through our emotions. It’s not weak to be vulnerable. It doesn’t make us a victim. Being vulnerable is incredibly courageous and powerful. Go slow, be with your emotions and be compassionate. So many of our emotions in our adult life stem from our childhood stuff. If we continue to power through our emotions we attract experiences that try to trigger them so we can finally feel them.

Would you like to become a masterful, profitable coach? Join me in Sydney, Australia on April 14th & 15th to fast-track the success of your coaching business. Visit Christine’s Master Class for more information. I am also holding a one-day Women’s Retreat for 10 women on April 13, 2018, in Bondi Beach. It’s a condensed version of my signature retreat. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is there an ex or anyone else that you have had a difficult relationship with and you can’t get them out of your head?
  • Do you have the same kind of relationship patterns and the same results in relationships?
  • When you were younger did you often feel bullied, duped, left out, or isolated?
  • When you try to connect to younger parts of yourself do you feel silly? Do you find it hard? Is it difficult for you to do?

Andrea’s Question:

Andrea is looking for guidance as she tries to get an ex out of her head.

Andrea’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She hadn’t connected with someone so deeply before.
  • She is looking for someone to grow with her.
  • She doesn’t feel worthy of love.
  • She was bullied as a kid.
  • She judges herself.
  • She feels disconnected from her younger self.
  • She is nourishing her body with food instead of overeating.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She needs to nurture her younger self and tell her that she is capable of being loved.
  • She needs to reconnect with the part of her that feels ashamed and alone.
  • She should stop dating for a while.
  • She should attend a Mastery course.
  • She should check in with her little girl every day.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Start a communication with the younger parts of yourself. Get a picture and talk and write to yourself.
  • Take a pause from dating or doing things that reinforce the pattern that you want to break.
  • If you can’t get over an ex, see it as an alarm that triggers you to pay attention to yourself.
  • Sign up for my Mastery class coming up in May.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For those interested in being on the show

Tweetables:

Underneath anger, there is usually hurt. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

Do you soothe yourself with food? Do you know why you do it? http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

If an ex is still taking up real estate within your head, it’s probably not the person. There… Click To Tweet

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EP 131: Heal Mommy Issues and Step Into Self-Love with Amy

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This call is about setting boundaries with parents and establishing a sense of self. Today’s caller, Amy, calls in wanting to know how to incorporate self-love into her life but as you will hear in the call, she first needs to set boundaries and to individuate herself from her mother.

Any parent-child relationship, especially the mother-daughter relationship, can be challenging. Parents are often our biggest spiritual teachers and we should accept that they did the best they could. Think about your parents as children. Consider all the things they went through. Many of our parents were raised when there was no access to parenting tips and children don’t come with manuals. So, forgive your parents but also set boundaries with them.

Overprotectiveness can feel like love but it’s not. It is a love based on fear and not true unconditional love. It creates codependency and enmeshment. Amy became her mother’s possession rather than a separate being. She didn’t have a chance to form a sense of self.

It’s dangerous to think of someone as our obsession or belonging. We don’t own other people and we don’t want to love ourselves through others. Being someone’s source of love is enabling. When we become enmeshed with someone we take on their patterns.

If you have a parent or someone in your life you love out of obligation, set boundaries and do not falter. You may not like yourself or them, in the long run, if you don’t hold firm to your boundaries.

Would you like to become a masterful, profitable coach? Is your goal to make an impact in people’s lives and make money? Health Coaches, join me in Sydney, Australia on April 14th and 15th. And, all Coaches and Therapists can join me on June 30 and July 1st in San Diego for a workshop designed to assist both experienced and new coaches to take their coaching business to the next level. Email Jill@ChristineHassler for more information or visit Coach Training.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • When it comes to self-love how are you doing?
  • Does your confidence depend on external things?
  • Are you extremely close to a parent?
  • Are boundaries challenging for you?

Amy’s Question:

Amy wants to know how to incorporate more self-love into her life.

Amy’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She struggles with self-confidence.
  • She allows her physical attributes to determine her self-worth.
  • She has an unhealthy relationship with her mother.
  • She doesn’t have a clear sense of self or of who she is.
  • She feels guilt and an obligation to her mother.
  • She has no sense of self.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She needs to individuate herself from her mother.
  • She should get professional help and research Terri Cole’s work to help her with boundary issues.
  • She should have a conversation with her mother about setting boundaries.
  • She should write a letter and let her mother know what she wants their relationship to be.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Get clear on the quality and health of your current relationships. Reconsider relationships that rob you of your sense of self.
  • If it’s time to set boundaries with someone, write out the conversation you want to have before speaking with them.
  • Write an F-U letter to the person you want to set boundaries with to get your anger out; then rip up the letter. Then, write a letter about how you want the relationship to be.
  • Get some help. Work one-on-one with someone to help you work through and heal yourself.
  • Free yourself.

Sponsor:

Freshbooks is easy-to-use cloud accounting software for self-employed professionals. Freshbooks helps you master your business with online payments and project management options. Receive an unrestricted 30-day free trial, just in time for tax time by using OVERITANDONWITHIT in the how did you hear about us section.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For men interested in being on the show

Tweetables:

Guilt is a made up emotion people impose upon themselves. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

How do you have self-love when you have no sense of self? http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

Honor yourself by speaking your truth, even to your parents. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

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Coaches Corner: Get over your Valentine’s Day Expectation Hangover and fall more in love (with yourself and others)

Screen Shot 2017-09-18 at , Sep 18>10.40.25 AMChristine received a lot of messages from listeners who had Expectation Hangovers this Valentines Day. If you feel lonely, disappointed, heart-broken or just plain bitter about love, then listen up!

Christine talks about what self-love really is, how to not suffer over being single, and how to release expectations of your romantic partner.

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EP 122: Stop Doubting Your Choice to End a Relationship with Daniella

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This episode is about relationships. If you are in a relationship that isn’t healthy, has reached its expiration date, or no longer serves you, this episode will help you gain clarity to your situation and emancipate you from your relationship. Today’s caller, Daniella, is finding it difficult to break free from an issue-based relationship. 

Learning to trust your intuition will help you to have relationships that are based on love and shared values. Your intuition will always know the answer but your hormones get in the way, especially in issue-based relationships.

You must separate love and lust to find the true intimacy. Love isn’t volatile and it doesn’t include lying. A healthy relationship doesn’t create anxiety or doubt.

We bring these relationships into our lives to show us a part of our life we need to heal.

Consider the difference between short-term discomfort and prolonged suffering in your life. Sometimes we need a little tough love to get us out of an unhealthy relationship so we can move to the healthy relationships and have true love inside ourselves and with another.

 I am headed to Australia. If you would like to be part of a half-day intensive, a session with me or life coach training, email Jill@ChristineHassler.com.

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in a relationship you are doubting? Have you had a recent breakup and are doubting the choice?
  • Do you tend to fall in love with potential and see more of the fantasy than the reality of who a person really is?
  • Do you tend to believe a person’s words and promises more than their actions and behaviors?
  • How is your current relationship with yourself? Are you kind, generous and loving with yourself? Do you trust yourself?

Daniella’s Question:

Daniella has trouble ending relationships even when she knows they are not healthy.

Daniella’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She felt like a misfit in high school.
  • She may be confusing love with infatuation.
  • She has low self-worth and low self-confidence.
  • She’s in an issue-based relationship.
  • She deserves better relationships.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to see her relationship for what it is.
  • She should look at what this relationship is teaching her.
  • She should write a letter to announce she is not interested in getting back together.
  • She needs to work on getting closure on her own.
  • She should look at how she loves herself and treats herself.
  • She should work through the exercises in Expectation Hangover. 

Action Steps:

  • Get honest about your relationships. Make sure someone’s words and behaviors match.
  • If you know a relationship has reached its expiration date, get closure and have boundaries.
  • Use these sentence starters to write a free-form letter you don’t intend to send:
    • Dear (name) I am saying goodbye to you because…
    • Thank you for…
    • I learned from you…
    • I forgive you for…
    • I forgive myself for…

Sponsor:

Freshbooks is easy to use cloud accounting software for self-employed professionals. Freshbooks wants to help you master your business with online payments and project management options. Receive an unrestricted 30-day free trial at Freshbooks.com/Christine, just use OVERITANDONWITH IT in the how did you hear about us section.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Tweetables:

In a relationship, love is not enough. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

Sometimes we must choose a short-term, hard thing to save ourselves from prolonged suffering.… Click To Tweet

Don’t settle for anything less than true love of self and true love from others.… Click To Tweet

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