Tag Archives: love

EP 122: Stop Doubting Your Choice to End a Relationship with Daniella

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This episode is about relationships. If you are in a relationship that isn’t healthy, has reached its expiration date, or no longer serves you, this episode will help you gain clarity to your situation and emancipate you from your relationship. Today’s caller, Daniella, is finding it difficult to break free from an issue-based relationship. 

Learning to trust your intuition will help you to have relationships that are based on love and shared values. Your intuition will always know the answer but your hormones get in the way, especially in issue-based relationships.

You must separate love and lust to find the true intimacy. Love isn’t volatile and it doesn’t include lying. A healthy relationship doesn’t create anxiety or doubt.

We bring these relationships into our lives to show us a part of our life we need to heal.

Consider the difference between short-term discomfort and prolonged suffering in your life. Sometimes we need a little tough love to get us out of an unhealthy relationship so we can move to the healthy relationships and have true love inside ourselves and with another.

 I am headed to Australia. If you would like to be part of a half-day intensive, a session with me or life coach training, email Jill@ChristineHassler.com.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in a relationship you are doubting? Have you had a recent breakup and are doubting the choice?
  • Do you tend to fall in love with potential and see more of the fantasy than the reality of who a person really is?
  • Do you tend to believe a person’s words and promises more than their actions and behaviors?
  • How is your current relationship with yourself? Are you kind, generous and loving with yourself? Do you trust yourself?

Daniella’s Question:

Daniella has trouble ending relationships even when she knows they are not healthy.

Daniella’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She felt like a misfit in high school.
  • She may be confusing love with infatuation.
  • She has low self-worth and low self-confidence.
  • She’s in an issue-based relationship.
  • She deserves better relationships.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to see her relationship for what it is.
  • She should look at what this relationship is teaching her.
  • She should write a letter to announce she is not interested in getting back together.
  • She needs to work on getting closure on her own.
  • She should look at how she loves herself and treats herself.
  • She should work through the exercises in Expectation Hangover. 

Action Steps:

  • Get honest about your relationships. Make sure someone’s words and behaviors match.
  • If you know a relationship has reached its expiration date, get closure and have boundaries.
  • Use these sentence starters to write a free-form letter you don’t intend to send:
    • Dear (name) I am saying goodbye to you because…
    • Thank you for…
    • I learned from you…
    • I forgive you for…
    • I forgive myself for…

Sponsor:

Freshbooks is easy to use cloud accounting software for self-employed professionals. Freshbooks wants to help you master your business with online payments and project management options. Receive an unrestricted 30-day free trial at Freshbooks.com/Christine, just use OVERITANDONWITH IT in the how did you hear about us section.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Tweetables:

In a relationship, love is not enough. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

Sometimes we must choose a short-term, hard thing to save ourselves from prolonged suffering.… Click To Tweet

Don’t settle for anything less than true love of self and true love from others.… Click To Tweet

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EP 121: Untangling Money and Love with Jillian

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This episode is about trusting ourselves and changing our relationship with money and with people. Today’s caller, Jillian, is low on self-love and self-trust and she finds herself buying love. Money and love have been combined and entangled her entire life and her self-worth is dependent on her net worth. However, she doesn’t like having money.

Jillian doesn’t like money because it brings up things she doesn’t want to face. Money was used as emotional currency in her family. All she wanted was love and attention. It’s not the money she is angry at, it’s her father. She has been craving love for a long time.

This love/hate relationship manifests in a cycle. She makes money because she thinks she needs it to survive and then she gets mad at it because it triggers her past issues. Then, she spends it and then panics because she doesn’t have any. The cycle then starts all over again. In order to have a better relationship with money, Jillian has to heal her past issues with her father.

She has love and money paired together. It’s incredibly confusing and has made her repeat the behavior of her father. If she were to disconnect money and love she would have healthier relationships.

Anything we unconsciously fear, we test. Jillian has a fear that if she doesn’t have money no one will love her so she tests it by almost sabotaging her financial well-being to see if someone will stay in her life.

What are you unconsciously testing that you are actually manifesting?

This is a great year to focus on self-love, self-acceptance, and self-care. The kinder and more loving you are to yourself the more love you have to give and share. My new journal, 40 Days to Increase Your Peace, Productivity and Prosperity can help you focus on what is important. Sign up for my newsletter at ChristineHassler.com so you know when it’s available.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • How do you describe your relationship with money?
  • What was your family’s financial situation growing up and how did that affect you?
  • Do you feel like someone tried to buy your love or apologized with material things?
  • Have you ever tried to buy affection or attention with gifts or money?
  • Do you trust yourself when it comes to money?

Jillian’s Question:

Jillian has had money and trust issues since she was a little girl and would like to know how to separate love from money.

Jillian’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She was told she would never have to worry about money.
  • She doesn’t know how to separate love from money.
  • She craves love and connection with people.
  • Her money challenges have always been solved with money.
  • She doesn’t have to buy love.
  • She has a scarcity mentality when it comes to money.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to understand that she has been craving love for a long time.
  • She should speak with her husband more about her fears.
  • She should make a list of the ways she breaks trust with herself and make new agreements.
  • She needs to uplevel her financial IQ.

Action Steps:

  • Make a list of the ways you break trust with yourself and make new agreements. Keep your word to yourself!
  • Evaluate your relationship with money and up your financial IQ.
  • Challenge yourself to be more intimate with people instead of giving them gifts.
  • If you are having difficulty trusting yourself with money, go to the bank and set up a ‘trust’ fund.

Sponsor:

FreshbooksAllows you to focus on your core business and makes invoicing, online payments and project management simple and fast. Receive an unrestricted 30-day free trial at Freshbooks.com/Christine, just use OVERITANDONWITH IT in the how did you hear about us section.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Tweetables:

What are you unconsciously testing that you are actually manifesting?http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

How can someone love you if they can’t see you because you are hiding behind material… Click To Tweet

If you use money or gifts as emotional currency, bring your heart into your relationships rather than your… Click To Tweet

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EP 119: Breaking Free of Your Role in Your Family with Jenna

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The essence of today’s episode is about breaking free of the roles we play in our families. Today’s caller, Jenna, is not stepping into her potential — specifically her financial potential — because she is still playing the role in her family that she played as a child and teenager. She wants to make sure everyone else is okay and it is holding her back.

Many of us deal with the same issue as we individuate and become adults. There is a certain way we fit into our family to get safety, security, and love. When we start to have success and abundance, there is a part of us that feels like we are unworthy or unsafe. This is what I call an Upper Limits problem.

We often stop ourselves from moving forward because we are so concerned about what other people think. If you think your success comes at the risk of someone else not getting it, feeling small, or not understanding, you will keep getting in your own way. If you value fitting in and protecting your role over living your dreams, you may need to shift.

Sometimes your very existence may trigger someone. If other people in your family are suffering that is their choice. If they are making choices that make them unhappy it is not your job to suffer with them. Break free of the role of carrying your family’s burdens. Break free of trying to make everyone understand you.

You cannot see your vision clearly or see your full potential clearly if you are watching and managing how people are reacting to what you are doing. Know that trying to make other people feel comfortable at the same time as living into your full potential is impossible. It is your job to fulfill your mission.

If you resonated with this episode go back and listen to my coaching call #113 with Sarah about shining your light.

BIG NEWS! I have four spaces open for my one-on-one coaching. If you want to uplevel your life and career email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to get an application.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • How are you getting in your own way? How are you sabotaging your own success, specifically financially?
  • What role did you play in your family? What did you do to fit in, to please everyone else to keep yourself safe?
  • How is that role potentially holding you back at this point in your life?
  • Is there a part of you who is afraid to step into your full potential? Are you playing small because you don’t want to make other people feel small?

Jenna’s Question:

Jenna would like to become a bigger version of herself but feels something always pulls her back. She would like to uplevel her yoga business.

Jenna’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She is keeping herself small to make other people comfortable.
  • She was a caretaker in her family.
  • She felt embarrassed by her ambitions.
  • She didn’t want to make others feel small.
  • She feels successful even with financial challenges.
  • It’s okay for her to share herself with confidence even if it triggers other people.
  • If she doesn’t shift she may end up resenting people.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should write letters she doesn’t intend to mail, to cut the energetic cords to family members.
  • She should realize people are capable of handling their own experience.
  • She should write down some new beliefs.
  • She should turn her efforts inward to help her and her little girl make her dreams come true.

Takeaways:

  • Write a letter to the people you feel you will upset without mailing it.
  • Visualize and practice yourself looking forward, not backward.
  • Write a list of your competing intentions. Get fully aligned with the intentions that put you where you want to go and accept that you can’t make everyone happy.
  • Consider how the role you played in your family is impacting your life right now and journal your thoughts. What is your new role?

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Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Tweetables:

Are you not fully stepping into your potential because you are afraid you will make someone… Click To Tweet

We get so comfortable in the role we play in our family we confuse it with our true… Click To Tweet

The only person who needs to understand you is you.http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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People pleasing is not a gift to yourself or others

This month I got to be a cover girl! It was such an honor to be featured in Aspire magazine and share an article I wrote about why people pleasing is selfish. Now I know you may be thinking, “How in the world is people pleasing selfish? It is all about making other people happy. Wouldn’t it be self-LESS?”

Not in my opinion. I share why below . . .

Why being a people pleaser is selfish

Are you concerned about what other people think of you? Do you often make decisions based on what you think will please others? Does your sense of self-worth come from the approval of others? Do you often withhold from sharing what you truly want, think or feel because of fear it may upset someone? Are you often last on your list of priorities?

Believe me, you are not alone. Our egos love to be liked, approved and validated.  It is natural to want to fit in and not “upset others” because it feels safer. All it takes one small experience of feeling criticized, not liked, thinking we’ve upset someone, or getting tons of praise and validation for making others happy to develop people pleasing as a bad habit.

People pleasing is a terrible investment because it depletes your most valuable resources: your time and energy.  Just think about how much energy you waste by obsessing about what other people think of you or trying to strategize your actions to appease others.

Clarification: I am all for being a considerate and generous person.  And it feels wonderful to love others! But being and acting from love is NOT people pleasing.  People pleasing is different because there is an attachment to someone else’s reaction and/or a motivation to please in order to avoid an undesired negative response or judgment or get a positive one.

You may think being a people pleaser makes you a “good” person and is perhaps even a generous or loving way to be.  Nope.  It’s selfish to be a people pleaser.  Why? Because being attached to pleasing others is really about you.  You are the one who wants to be liked. You are the one who does not want to upset anyone.  You are the one who wants to look good for others. You are the one who is not okay with other people’s reactions. You are the one protecting yourself from confrontation.  And you are the one who is choosing to withhold expressing who you TRULY are. And by doing all of those things, you are keeping Yourself, your Light and your Love from the world – and that is selfish.

Remember this: what other people think of you is none of your business.

Obsessing about how to please others or be liked is a misuse of your energy.  Just imagine for a moment what you could create in your life if you took HALF of the time and energy you invest in people pleasing back?  Stop contorting yourself to be what you think others want or expect. See yourself now reclaiming all that time and energy you expend on being over-responsible for others or working to impress others and refocus it on being of service without attachment, sharing your gifts, taking care of you and expressing your true Self!!!  Trust me, when do that you will have an overflow from which to give from and you will be able to give without attachment or expectation.

And remember…

No one else determines your worth.

No one else can dictate what you deserve.

Other people’s reactions, responses and feelings are not your responsibility.

Someone else’s opinion of you is not the Truth.

Your value does not come from how others perceive you.

What other people think of you is none of your business. YOUR business is between you and your Self and you and God.

Have the courage to stop fearing what other people think of you, your choices, and their reactions. People pleasing is selfish, be self-honoring instead.  And the interesting thing is that the more you please yourself, the more pleasing you will be to other people.

I encourage you to check out Aspire Magazine, which is full of inspiration for a woman’s soul. Along with my article, you’ll discover empowering content from some of today’s leading visionaries. Over 80 pages of love, wisdom and inspiration. Peek inside the new issue today. Just go here. While you’re there claim your FREE subscription—it includes over 40 transformational gifts. http://www.aspiremag.net/aspiremag-promo-center-for-dec2017-jan2018-issue/

Love,

Christine

p.s. This week’s podcast episode was incredibly powerful. I coach Kristen on her relationship with her mother. When she called in, they were not speaking because her mom gave her an ultimatum. Kristen was wondering if she should go the people pleaser route and cave in to her mother’s advice. Want to hear what advice I gave her? Listen in here.