Tag Archives: millennials

EP 103: Failure to Launch with Jane (A Must Listen for Millennials and Parents of Millennials)

EP103

This episode is about motivating a millennial out of their comfort zone. Today’s caller, Jane, is a mother of a 28-year-old daughter who is still living at home. We dive into how Jane’s needing to be needed can impact relationships in a not-so-positive way.

The millennial generation was the most over-parented generation. The parenting advice at the time was to be your child’s friend and that everyone is a winner. It has created a failure to launch, because the children never learned to make their own decisions. As a result, they may not do well when faced with challenges or uncertainty.

 A lot of 20-Somethings blame their being dependent on the economy, or the job market, but it’s more about a comfort zone. But, what is comfortable is not always what is healthy. 20-Somethings who are still financially or emotionally dependent on their parents are experiencing ‘adult-a-lescence.’

Adulthood is about being emotionally responsible for yourself, making your own decisions and falling on your face a few times, struggling a bit and paying your dues.

If you are a 20-Something who is still living at home it’s time to cut the umbilical cord. You are delaying and avoiding becoming an adult. Stop being afraid to struggle, suffer or fail.

 If you are a parent you need to cut the cord. You are enabling your child if you allow them to rely on you, financially or emotionally. You may be setting them up for a lifetime of not learning how to truly trust and depend on themselves.

 If you are looking for support, encouragement and love, my Personal Mastery Course, Over It and On With It is the most comprehensive virtual coaching program I have. You receive 6-weeks of personalized coaching with me, guided meditations, videos, and I engage with you live on Facebook Live and in group coaching calls. This course starts in October, and it’s only offered once per year.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you a parent whose adult child is still living at home, and you like it?
  • Are you a millennial who is still living at home?
  • Does being needed make you feel good?
  • Is there someone you think you are helping but may actually be enabling them by not giving them a chance to take care of themselves and to not learn their own lessons?

 Jane’s Question:

Jane would like to know how to motivate her 28-year-old daughter to get out of the house.

 Jane’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • Her daughter doesn’t have any friends.
  • She has played a role in her daughter’s failure to launch.
  • She may be perpetuating her daughter’s belief that she is unstable.
  • She wants to fix all of her children’s problems.
  • She doesn’t want to see her children suffer.
  • She is enabling her daughter to be complacent.

 How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should read 20-Something Manifesto.
  • She should speak with her daughter the health of their relationship and create a plan to help her to be on her own.
  • She should stop giving her daughter so much advice.
  • She should find something that makes her feel purposeful.
  • She needs to shift her focus from her daughter to herself.
  • She should realize she did the best she could.

 Takeaways:

  • If you are a millennial living at home or have a millennial living home, create a launch plan.
  • Work through the exercises in 20-Something Manifesto.
  • Look at where you may need to be needed and let go of it. It may be reinforcing co-dependent behaviors and patterns.
  • Look at how you may be enabling people by over-caretaking and rescuing them. Are being loving or enabling?

 Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Jill@ChristineHassler.com

Over It and On With It Personal Mastery Course

Adam Carolla Podcast with Christine

 Recommended Books:

Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life

20-Something, 20-Everything

20-Something Manifesto

 Tweetables:

Are you a 20-Something who still lives at home? Stop being afraid to struggle and fail and go experience life!… Click To Tweet Continually saving or rescuing your child from failing is not for their higher-good.… Click To Tweet Children should believe they can take care of themselves and parents should reinforce that… Click To Tweet

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Failure to launch and should you stay or go?

If you are questioning whether a relationship or situation has reached its “expiration date” then I have some very important guidance for you:

You already know the answer.

You may feel really unsure or uncertain inside, but there is a part of you that truly knows if it is time to leave a romantic relationship, marriage, friendship or even a professional situation.

We know something is over when we really have given it our all. We have sought out the lessons. We have communicated our needs. We have shown up differently. We have taken 100% responsibility for our side of the street. We sought out to understand rather than be right. And even if we do not agree with the other’s behavior, we do not blame them.

When we reach this point, clarity is easy to find.

If clarity feels out of reach for you, then be sure not to miss episode 102 where I coach Renae who calls in stating she is unsure of whether or not to leave her marriage. As you’ll discover in the episode, she knew the answer before she calls in. This coaching session is a great example of how to guide someone (and that someone could be you!) to the answers inside.

 Go here to listen to episode 102

And . . . Attention Millennials and parents of Millennials! If you are a 20 something still living at home or dependent on your parents in some way OR if you are a parent who is still supporting your adult child financially, mentally or emotionally then episode 103 is a must listen! 
 I coach Jane whose 28 year-old daughter has failed to launch. She is living at home and dependent on her parents in far too many ways for an adult woman. They are primarily financially supporting her, they tend to her emotional needs, and they hang out as friends. Oh boy! It is time for this young woman to become a grown-up. This is a great session and Jane does a tremendous job recognizing her need to be needed is at the core of this failure to launch situation.

Go here to listen to episode 103 

Happy listening everyone and it would mean oodles to me (and really help the show grow) if you leave a rating / review and share about the show.

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With love,

Christine

p.s. Imagine: being as successful in your personal life as you are in your career! Your health and wellbeing—your weight and your wellness—are intimately connected. If you feel like you know what to do, but you don’t know how … if you think you don’t have the time in your hectic schedule to attend this symposium, or that you simply don’t know where to start … start with Meg and Shannon’s FREE Professional Women’s Weight & Wellness Symposium: Prioritize Your Health, Transform Your Body, and Create Whole-Life Success. My interview airs on 9/22- click here for access!

p.p.s. How would you like VIP access to an incredible tribe of like-minded people and me as your coach? If that sounds appealing, then join my Inner Circle! This unique, intimate group composed of men and women from around the world and you can enroll at any time. It is a monthly membership that you can cancel at any time. Learn more here or email jill@christinehassler.com to set up a call and discover if Inner Circle is right for you.

EP 10: Keeping Commitments to Yourself

Episode 10 ShaOur caller today is Sha who is a millennial. Millennials are today’s 20 and early 30 somethings. Many millennials are unjustly thought to be narcissistic, entitled and said to have no work ethic.

Sha is experiencing residue from having many of her decisions made for her during her adolescence. And it’s not just Sha who is confronting these issues; many millennials feel the effects of over-parenting and the accompanying pressures that linger from missing out on important developmental stages.

Sha and I uncover her validation issues and examine her inability to stick to a routine. She becomes aware of her past programming and I offer her tools to assist her in reprogramming herself. One important tool is to understand that what she wants to hear from others is what she actually wants to hear from herself.

We also explore ways to relieve anxiety and self-trust issues through being in the present.

After the coaching session, I offer a special guided meditation; so go to a quiet place where you can close your eyes and get serene with me.


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Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you have trouble making decisions?
Do you consult multiple people before you make a choice?
Is it hard for you to stick with a routine or stay disciplined?
Do you have a hard time quieting your mind?

Sha’s Question:

Sha finds it hard to make decisions and is having trouble relaxing.

Sha’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She was peacocking all the time
  • She wasn’t seeing herself
  • She may have missed out on fundamental developmental stages
  • She has difficulty with discipline and routines
  • She doesn’t trust herself

How to get over it and on with it:

  • Practice telling yourself “be here now”
  • Repair yourself by giving yourself the developmental stages you didn’t have
  • Take actions to support autonomy and decision making
  • Add some routines to your life
  • Start making decisions

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Validation seekers should write a list of everything they want to hear from others and say these things to themselves
  • Make a solo decision making challenge
  • Write out a routine for yourself. Have one commitment every morning and one commitment every evening
  • Start a meditation practice

Resources:
Christine Hassler
The Solo-Decision Making Challenge
Christine’s Meditation Rx CD
@christinhassler

Tweetables:
Behavioral actions support mental awareness when developing your tolerance for discipline.
Are you in the habit of asking other people for their thoughts before you make simple decisions?
Millennials often get a “no-work ethic” label, but is it an honest representation of their potential?

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