Tag Archives: personal growth

Is There Someone You’re Trying to Change or Save?

Is there someone in your life you really hope will change? Do you find yourself taking on the responsibility for other people’s transformation? Do you even get annoyed when you see someone you care about not living into the potential you see in them?

I get it. When I dove into all this personal growth stuff in my early twenties, boy oh boy, did I find myself preaching a lot. I had so much new information I wanted to share about how we can awaken and free ourselves from suffering. When I saw someone suffering, I felt a responsibility to save them. And when someone was not acting the way I thought was best, I really believed I could change them. HA!

What I have learned over the years is that it is not our job or our right to save anyone. But obviously we want to make a positive impact on others so how do we do that without taking on the responsibility of savior?

Many years ago I was in a relationship with someone and wanted him to be different. My spiritual teacher at the time said something to me that I have never forgotten. As I was complaining about how he wasn’t doing “his work” and “diving deep enough into his issues” she looked at me and lovingly said, “Christine, you do not walk into a nursery and wake up sleeping babies.”

In that moment, I got it . . .

People wake up when they are ready to wake up. Sure we may inspire some part of their awakening but ultimately it is on their own Divine timing. It is more loving to give someone the dignity of their own process instead of trying to try to change them. (Tweet This!!)

This may make logical sense; however, often it’s hard to give up trying to change someone – be it a friend, family member or romantic partner. You think your love is the magic potion that will save or transform them. You see the hurt little boy or girl under the toxic behavior. You recognize the pain underneath the addiction. You can see all their potential and possibility.

I see this pattern in so many, especially those of you Lightworkers.  But it is exhausting to take on the responsibility for someone else’s transformation. And the reason it is exhausting is because it is not possible. The only person you can change is the one reading these words right now.

Going back to the example from my own life, I realized that the person that really needed to go to a deeper level spiritually and emotionally was me. But it was way easier to fixate on him and all the things he could and should do differently.

My encouragement to you is turn your focus back toward yourself and give the other person back to God. Their awakening is between them and their Higher Power.

If someone is not changing or evolving in the way you are requesting or hoping to inspire, that is not your fault. You have a huge heart with so much love to give and I understand that it feels like love can heal anything.

Sure we can be catalysts for another person’s change but in MOST cases in order to be that catalyst we have to be totally unattached to being it. It is detachment, acceptance and honoring our own truth that often creates the inspiration for someone to find the truth within themselves. That said, don’t try to strategize about how to be unattached hoping they will change – that is still attachment!

Instead walk the talk. Be the vibration you desire from others. What inspires people most is how you live your life.  Stop trying to wake up sleeping babies. . . let their precious souls rest until they are ready.

Is there someone you have been trying to save or trigger their transformation? I am here to support you in liberating yourself from that responsibility and respecting their process.

Fondly,

Christine

EP 132: Removing Obstacles and Building Your Business with Katie

EP132

This call is about identifying and overcoming the blocks to help you step fully into your business. Today’s caller, Katie, wants to know how to overcome the fear and perfectionism that is blocking her from building her new Life Coaching business.

We discuss the root of the fear that is holding her back because it doesn’t matter how big our vision is, we can’t bypass our fears until we heal the root of the fear.

Coaches and people on a personal growth path with a lot of awareness tend to judge themselves harshly because they feel they should know better. It’s important to let go of the pressure and be tender with ourselves.

When self-love has high stakes, it’s hard to get momentum because we are protecting ourselves from ourselves. We sabotage ourselves because we are afraid to move forward and fail in any way. We should accept ourselves where we are now, change our internal dialogue, and allow our internal perfectionist to calm down.

Tell your inner perfectionist it is OK to be vulnerable. You don’t have to be perfect. Invest in yourself. Be your own best client and come together with your tribe.

To build a soul tribe you need these elements:

  • A coach or healers to provide guidance and support who coach you in a healthy way.
  • Mentors to go to for advice and encouragement.
  • Peers and a support team to ask for help, to celebrate with, and if need be, cry on their shoulders.
  • People to serve and give back to.

Would you like to become a masterful, profitable coach? Join me in Sydney, Australia in October to fast-track the success of your coaching business. Visit Christine’s Master Class for more information.

I am also holding a one-day Women’s Retreat for 10 women on April 13, 2018, in Sydney. It’s a condensed version of my signature retreat. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up.

And, all Coaches and Therapists can join me on June 30 and July 1st in San Diego for a workshop designed to assist both experienced and new coaches to take their coaching business to the next level. Email Jill@ChristineHassler for more information or visit Coach Training.

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you want to start a new business or make a change but feel blocked by fear?
  • Do you relate to being a perfectionist?
  • Were you raised by a parent who had high expectations of you and now you internalize those expectations?
  • Do you feel connected to and supported by a soul tribe you can be yourself and completely vulnerable with?

Katie’s Question:

Katie wants help to move past her fear and create the business she’s always wanted.

Katie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She has a vision but fears moving forward.
  • She comes from an immigrant background.
  • She was taught to play it safe.
  • She is protecting herself from herself.
  • She desires the support and encouragement of her mother.
  • Her mother placed high expectations on her.
  • She experienced and was taught scarcity.
  • She was taught not to be weak.
  • Her perfectionism has served her and protected her.
  • She wants to tap into her spirituality.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She should have compassion for herself.
  • She needs to build her soul family to support her.
  • She should flex her receiving muscle.
  • She needs to find a new source of motivation.
  • She should set up two chairs and coach herself as she would a client.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Don’t make your perfectionist wrong. Look at how it has served you.
  • What is the fuel that drives your motivation? Inspiration and your why is better than expectations and perfectionism.
  • Write out the way you want to mother, father, or coach yourself. You need the voice of a loving coach inside.
  • Build your soul family.

Sponsor:

Freshbooks is easy-to-use cloud accounting software for self-employed professionals. Freshbooks helps you master your business with online payments and project management options. Receive an unrestricted 30-day free trial, just in time for tax time by using OVERITANDONWITHIT in the how did you hear about us section.

Daily Harvest — Super easy to prepare, organic superfoods delivered to your door. Use promo code OVERIT to get 3 free Daily Harvest cups added to your first box.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For men interested in being on the show

Coaches Corner: Lessons on Self-Love

Tweetables:

Coaches can sabotage their careers when they are out of integrity. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

Comparison is a positive projection. Whatever you see in someone else is an un-owned quality in… Click To Tweet

Coaches, the best way to serve people is to be your own best client. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

podcastb

EP 126: How to Accept Your Body No Matter What Its Shape or Physical Condition with Aly

EP126v2

This call is about self-acceptance and self-love. Today’s caller, Aly, wants to move into acceptance of an illness but she is attempting to do it with a lot of judgment about herself and not from a place of love.

It’s wonderful to be a seeker but it’s important to be mindful of coming from a place of wanting to learn and grow, not from the place of, there is something wrong with me and I need to fix it. If you are overdosing on personal growth from the perspective of ‘solving all your problems’ — you are not broken!

Self-love is a daily practice and sometimes even a moment-to-moment practice. Self-love is truly the process and practice of acceptance. We are human. We are not going to love everything about ourselves all the time. We are going to say and do things that we may want to take back. It’s OK. Self-love is about forgiving ourselves in the process.

Remember we always have another present moment to do better. The key to acceptance is taking responsibility for your thoughts and behaviors without beating yourself up. You are not broken!

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you see yourself as a constant self-improvement project?
  • Do you approach self-love with an all-or-nothing attitude?
  • Are you hard on yourself — especially your body?
  • Is there something you are attempting to get rid of by sweeping it under the rug or hating it?

Aly’s Question:

Aly has spent many years trying to get rid of chronic disease and would like to know how to accept it and get unstuck.

Aly’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She feels she is not good enough.
  • She can’t seem to accept who she is.
  • She is afraid to be happy.
  • She uses her weight as a happiness meter.
  • She abuses herself and feels guilty about it.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She needs to realize she is not broken.
  • She should get the anger out by writing letters to the guys who broke her heart.
  • She should write an apology letter to her body.
  • She should give her body a love bath every morning.
  • By realizing she is proud of herself.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Give yourself permission to write an F-U letter — write it and then destroy it.
  • Write an apology letter to your body using these sentence stems:
    • I’m sorry because…
    • I’m learning from you that…
    • I forgive myself for…
    • I forgive you, body, for…
  • Give yourself a body love bath.
  • Make self-honoring choices and make new agreements with yourself.

Sponsor:

THIRDLOVE What if you could take the away the hassle of bra shopping and find the perfect fitting bra in minutes? Take the fit finder quiz to find your perfect size, even if it’s a half size. They have over 60 bra sizes! Use the link to get 15% off the first purchase of your favorite bra.

Stitch Fix Shop in a productive way and end up with purchases you actually love, right from home. Use this link to get 25% off when you keep all the items in your box.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For men interested in being on the show

Tweetables:

The key to acceptance is taking responsibility for your thoughts and behaviors without beating… Click To Tweet

Do you approach your self-love and self-improvement goals thinking you need to fix yourself?… Click To Tweet

You are not broken. Stop relating to yourself as a constant self-improvement project.… Click To Tweet

podcastb

EP 115: Friendship Expiration Dates and Building Confidence with Claire

 

EP115v2This episode is about vanquishing self-criticism, letting things go that no longer serve you, and how to get what you want from life.

We are not always good friends to ourselves and it can be reflected back to us in our friendships — like it is today in my call with Claire. One of Claire’s friendships has just reached an expiration date and she is learning valuable lessons from it.

Other people can be mirrors for us and often, it takes someone else to wake us up. If a friend treats us bad enough it causes us to look inside ourselves to understand what it is showing us. It can show us the kind of friend we are being to ourselves.

Don’t stay in an unhealthy friendship or one that doesn’t serve either of you. We tend to hold on to friendships just a little longer because we don’t have to see the person as much. We justify putting up with it or we think we need to stay in the friendship because of the history. Or, we don’t have the guts to end it because we don’t want to upset somebody.

When we have a fierce inner critic it doesn’t compartmentalize. It doesn’t cheer us on in our career and then pick us apart physically. It is pervasive in all aspects of our lives. A fierce inner critic can impact our confidence. We can take something personally to our detriment or we can take it personally toward our growth.

To get what you want, you have to believe that what you want is out there. Your longing is your psychic knowing.

One of my favorite ways to empower people is teaching retreats. So, in March 2018 I am hosting my annual signature retreat. It is an intense 3-day, women-only spring event with only 20 spaces available. This is the last time I will lead the retreat as I am training others. For early-bird pricing or to find out more e-mail Jill@christinehassler.com or check out Spring Retreat.

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you compartmentalizing your life? Are you stuck in one area that may be caused by an unresolved issue in another area of your life?
  • If you talked to or treated your friends like you do to yourself would you have any friends?
  • Is your confidence down? Do you find yourself on the receiving end of criticism from other people?
  • Do you have any friendships that have passed their expiration date and are no longer healthy for you to continue?

Claire’s Question:

Claire wants to get unstuck in her life after an emotional falling out with friends.

Claire’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She found a friend’s comments inappropriate.
  • She can be critical of herself and lack self-confidence.
  • Her friend is a mirror of how she treats herself.
  • Questioning herself has impacted her career momentum.
  • She goes through cycles of emotional sensitivity.
  • She doesn’t enjoy certain aspects of her job.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should leverage this experience to perpetuate her growth.
  • She should write down 50 things about herself she is grateful for.
  • She should write out a description of what she wants from her work.
  • She should collect evidence about why the job she wants does exist.

Takeaways:

  • Do a friendship inventory. Look at the friends in your life and ask yourself ‘Is this an aligned friendship? Has this friendship passed its expiration date and is it time to complete this relationship and move on?’
  • How can you be a better friend to yourself? Start being kind to yourself.
  • Write a detailed list of what you want. Get a picture in your mind and take action.
  • Make a list of 50 things you are grateful for.

Sponsor:

NOOM Is a modern weight release program that turns temptations into behavioral breakthroughs. Use this link to receive your own customized course designed by psychologists, nutritionists, and physicians, 24/7 access to your own personal coach, and the first 2 weeks free + 50% off your subscription.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Tweetables:

Don’t use self-criticism as a motivational tool.http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet It’s hard to believe in our dreams when we internalize other people’s… Click To Tweet Coaches, drop your agenda. The best way to be an amazing coach is to listen and follow the line of energy that comes… Click To Tweet

podcastb