Obsessing over something is the worst. When someone or something has pitched a tent and set up camp in your mind, it can be your own personal version of torture.
What can we do to stop the seemingly endless cycle of obsessive thinking?
What does NOT work is continuing to talk about whatever you are obsessing about. You probably know insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. You are making yourself insane by continuing to give valuable airtime to the subject of your obsession (and possibly driving the people you keep talking to about it crazy too!)
In today’s vlog I share with you two out-of-the-box strategies that will help eliminate obsessive thinking so you can start talking about the things that light you up rather than bring you down!
I recently received the following question from a reader, “I know vulnerability is a good way to be, but I find it difficult. The moment I notice that feel I lost control of a situation, rather than keep feeling vulnerable, I move away from it. For example, when I am with people I date, rather than discussing my feelings, admitting my imperfections, or letting my faults show themselves, I am more often concerned with looking as perfect as I can be and engage in more superficial conversations.”
Why does vulnerability feel so scary and awkward sometimes?
Most of us can relate to times when we expressed an emotion and it was not received well, so we develop suppression techniques. In this reader’s case, she realized that her parents expected her to have her stuff together and be a good example because she is an eldest child. Emotion was looked down upon, and keeping it together was rewarded.
Although it may seem like we are protecting ourselves, suppressing our expression erects walls around our hearts and reinforces beliefs about it not being safe to share our genuine feelings with another. As a result, we form relationships that are based more on fear than love. Rather than being truly authentic with others, we become strategic. Vulnerability is discounted because it just feels too risky.
But we cannot truly experience the delicious emotions that a relationship offers if we are not authentic. I invite you to read the word “intimacy” as “into-me-see.” We create intimacy with others when we allow ourselves to be seen. Vulnerability is our way to break patterns of avoiding being truly seen for fear of how we will be received. If you are protecting and guarding yourself, you are unavailable for intimacy. And if you are unavailable for intimacy, then you will most likely attract unavailable people!
We all go through times when we are addicted to something. Some obvious ones are drugs, alcohol, money, sex and food. But there are less obvious addictions that are important to be aware of like control, negative thinking, self-doubt, escaping through things like travel, and even over-achieving. Addictions of all kinds give us a false sense of freedom. For a moment, the high or distraction we get feels liberating because it frees us from feeling things we don’t want to feel. Addictions may offer the appearance of freedom, but only aligning our actions to what truly feeds our body, mind, heart and spirit offers true liberation.
Having the courage to face and take steps to break free from addiction and addictive behavior catapults our personal growth in tremendous ways. Some of the wisest teachers I know have overcome addiction and now use what they have learned to serve others.
One of these teaches is Tommy Rosen, my friend and someone who I deeply respect for sharing so vulnerably about his 20+ year story of recovery from drugs and alcohol. He is also someone who is shining light on the more subtle addictions I mentioned above.
Tommy invited me to be a speaker in his Recovery 2.0 conference and share my addiction and recovery story. In our interview, I speak openly about my journey through depression and healing my 20 year addiction to prescription medication. Please join me and 35 other addiction and recovery teachers for a life-changing online conference dedicated to giving people the best wisdom on addiction and recovery available for FREE:
Recovery 2.0: Beyond Addiction