Tag Archives: Podcast

EP 89: Stop Pleasing People with Laura

EP89v1This episode is about reassurance. Laura is a people pleaser. She goes above and beyond for people and doesn’t get it back in return. She then feels disappointed. I work with her on understanding why she people pleases, why it’s selfish to be a people pleaser, and how to shift out of the pattern.

You may have heard me say this many times before, but people pleasing is selfish. It’s really all about you. You are the one who doesn’t want to upset people, you want to avoid confrontation, and you are the one who is worried about how people perceive you.

Laura knows how to be loving and giving; she just needs to direct it towards herself. Use this call as a catalyst to look at your own patterns without judgment, and without beating yourself up. The key to personal development is to work on yourself, without thinking anything is wrong with you. No one outside of you can give you the acceptance and love you need.

And, to shift out of a pattern, we have to let go of things from our past. We have to come to peace with the fact that some people in our lives are never going to change. Many people don’t have the tools to change, or they don’t want to change. The older they get, the more their patterns are reinforced.

If you feel like the black sheep of the family, or you don’t fit it, it’s ok. You may be the change maker and the lightworker. You may be the one who is willing to break generational patterns. You can love and accept your biological family but find your soul family.

As Gandhi said, be the change you wish to see in the world.


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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you relate to being a people pleaser?
  • Can you acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments, but struggle acknowledging yourself for just who you are?
  • Do you feel like the black sheep of your family, and sometimes you are afraid to be who you are because you might lose your family’s approval?

Laura’s Question:

Laura feels she goes above and beyond for people, and they don’t return the effort. She wants to know how to break the pattern of being a people pleaser.

Laura’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • People don’t put as much effort into her as she does for them.
  • She continues to look for the love and acceptance she wanted from her mother and father in other people.
  • She is looking for attention and validation.
  • She feels genuine in her job as a social worker.
  • Her father never told her he loved her, and she resents him for it.
  • She blames herself for what happened to her as a child.
  • She is ready to break past patterns.
  • She is the lightworker in her family.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should accept her parents didn’t give her the love and acceptance she wanted, and give herself the love, acceptance, and validation she didn’t get when she was little.
  • Everything she wants people to say to her, she should say to herself.
  • She should accept her position as the lightworker in her family.

Takeaways:

  • When you are doing things for others, check in with yourself to see if you are giving without any expectations or attachment to getting something in return. Ask yourself is this giving really coming from love.
  • Reverse the golden rule — Do unto yourself as you do unto others.
  • Forgive the past. Let it go. and stop expecting people to change.
  • Have gratitude and acceptance if you are the black sheep of the family, and find your soul family.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Inner Circle Membership Community
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Jill@Christinehassler.com

Tweetables:

We continue to experience negative feelings, because they are trying to tell us something. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet
In order for our species to evolve, we must up-level our consciousness. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
We can honor ourselves by giving ourselves the same kind of TLC we give to others. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

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Coaches Corner Quickie: Being single is not a disorder!

podcast img new 800 x 800I have been hearing a lot of people complaining about being single lately and approaching their relationship status as some kind of disorder that needs to be treated. I observe so many single people, especially the ladies out there, consistently working on themselves to find their “soulmate.”

In today’s Coaches Corner I encourage you to be grateful for whatever your relationship status is – single, dating, divorced, engaged, married or it’s complicated – and embrace it because there is tremendous growth, love and even FUN that comes with each one. I also share some of the perks I have found from being single.

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Overcome your fears and get unstuck!

Do you know what to do but you still don’t seem to be doing it?

Could the reason be that you are actually scared of success? This seems like a crazy fear to have because we want to be successful but often there is an unconscious belief that keeps us from taking the steps that lead to success.  The same goes for failure.  On some level we know that we will learn from any mistake, but we are still terrified of taking steps that could lead to any kind of failure.

This is exactly what I coach Becca on in EP 87 of my Over It and On With It Podcast.

Everyone defines fear and success differently, but usually our fear of success has to do with concerns around being seen more, feeling unsafe, feeling more responsibility for changing, or losing ourselves in some way. Our fear of failure normally has to do with avoiding rejection, loss of money, status, or security, judgment from others, or our own self-criticism that we endure if we fail.

So, how do we overcome these fears? It requires more than taking action steps towards your goals . . .

Go here to listen to me coach Becca over her fears of success and failure!

I also want to tell you about episode 88 where I coach Lena who feels lost and stuck. During our coaching session, we uncover some past trauma and guilt that is causing her to feel as if she is living in a “black hole.”

If you can identify with feeling stuck yourself, that’s actually great news!!!  Why? Well some people go through life just going through the motions and live rather unconsciously. If you are aware you are stuck or lost, you are more likely to discover the trigger, and move beyond it!

Go there to listen to me coach Lena out of feeling lost and stuck.

Finally if you enjoy my podcast, it would mean the world to me if you share about it! Here are some tweets or share in your own words on your favorite social media channels.

Loved listening to @christinhassler coach on getting over the fear or failure and success on #overitanonwithit http://bit.ly/2q2O4lq (Tweet this!)

So many aha’s listening to @christinhassler coach a caller out of feeling stuck and lost on #overitandonwithit podcast http://bit.ly/2qwaxWr (Tweet this!)

Thank you for listening!

With love,
Christine

p.s. Only one week left before my LOVE retreat in Austin. Are you joining us? Learn how to uplevel all relationships in your life by mastering self-love, romantic love, and love of purpose and community.  Go here for details and to register.

p.p.s. How would you like VIP access to me as your coach and an insider look at my best tips and tricks to empower you to uplevel your life?  If that sounds appealing, then join my Inner Circle!  This unique, intimate group composed of men and women from around the world and you can enroll at any time. It is a monthly membership that you can cancel at any time. Learn more here or email jill@christinehassler.com to set up a call and discover if Inner Circle is right for you.

EP 88: Getting Unstuck and Over Feeling Lost with Lena

EP88v1This episode is about getting over feeling lost, and getting yourself unstuck. During the coaching session with Lena, we uncover some past trauma and guilt which is causing her to feel as if she is living in a black hole.

If you can identify with Lena and are feeling stuck yourself, know that you are headed in the right direction towards getting yourself unstuck. Some people just go through life just going through the motions, and not being inspired. If you are aware of it, you are more likely to discover the trigger, and move past it.

If you are a coach, take note of the question I asked Lena when she said she had been doing some personal growth work. Find out what your client’s awareness level is, by asking them what personal growth work they have been doing. This helps you avoid telling them something they already know.

Also, notice how I reacted when she told me she had cheated, in contrast to my reaction when she divulged the traumatic experience with her father. I acknowledged Lena for her vulnerability, and responded neutrally to the incident, because she already felt shame around it. But, my response to her traumatic experience let her know it was a big deal, and was the cause of her feeling lost.

When something traumatic or scary happens, we go into survival mode and we disconnect. We suppress the emotional response because we didn’t know how to deal with it. I recommended Lena look into Somatic therapy to help her overcome her past trauma.

My Inner Circle Membership Community is an eclectic community where anyone can find a home. Transformations and bonds are created by people sharing and connecting with each other. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining. Or, ask Jill about a private one-on-one session.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you feel lost, stuck, or just blah?
  • Is there a situation from your past you haven’t fully processed? Maybe you hoped time would heal the wound, but you never really dealt with the issue.
  • Are you questioning a relationship you are currently in?

Lena’s Question:

Lena wants to know how to get out of her “black hole,” and get unstuck from her current feelings of discomfort.

Lena’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She was scared by the actions of her father, and felt he turned his back on her.
  • She feels guilty about the breakup with her ex-boyfriend.
  • She suppressed her feelings of trauma, fear, and guilt.
  • She has lost herself.
  • She doesn’t want to be in her current relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should work with a Somatic therapist to deal with her trauma.
  • She should stop compromising in her current relationship and show up authentically.

Takeaways:

  • Is there anything you haven’t forgiven yourself for, or a reason you may be punishing yourself? Where do you think you did something wrong? Why do you think you can’t have what you want?
  • Get Expectation Hangover and do the Release Writing or Temper Tantrum techniques to help you get unstuck.
  • Google Somatic Therapy to learn more about it. It may be helpful in your getting over a trauma from the past.

Resources:

Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
Inner Circle Membership Community
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Jill@Christinehassler.com

Tweetables:

Any relationship takes compromise, but there is a fine line between compromise and sacrifice.… Click To Tweet
If you show judgment towards someone who already feels shame, it makes it harder for them to forgive themselves.… Click To Tweet
It takes a lot of energy to suppress or repress emotions. Release writing and Somatic therapy can help you heal.… Click To Tweet

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