Tag Archives: podcasts

EP 105: How to Take Responsibility for Why Your Relationship Ended and Move On with Mary

EP105v1This episode is about taking responsibility for the part you play in relationships and realizing you did nothing wrong. Today’s caller, Mary, is having a challenging time letting go of an ex. She is obsessing over his new relationship and can’t seem to get over it, even in therapy. During the call, Mary makes a major shift.

It is hard to get over it and on with it when we are not honest with ourselves. I felt it was important to empower Mary with the ability to take responsibility for how she showed up in her relationships. It’s important to look at how we are showing up and what it is creating.

Mary is critical of herself and hard on herself for the choices she makes. Her unprocessed anger, sadness, and lack of fulfillment in her own life were leaking out onto her partner. She wasn’t being her best self to herself.

The more unsettled and unhappy we are in our own life the more we tend to be irritable, snappy, impatient, or mean — often to the people we love the most. I recently wrote a blog, “#1 Tool to Avoiding Conflict in any Relationship” to address this.

As women, It is important for us to know when we are in our masculine and how it throws off the polarity in a relationship.  Mary was in her masculine when she created conflicts. I highly recommend the work of Alison Armstrong and David Deida can be useful resources for understanding how polarity works in any type of relationship.

Also, Mary was so focused on her ex she used his new relationship as a distraction from learning the lesson of the relationship. When we obsess about others we avoid looking at ourselves. We can not fixate or attempt to understand someone else without understanding ourselves first. Even if we weren’t 100% our best selves, we need to bring the focus back to ourselves and look for the lessons.

What is your Expectation Hangover teaching you?

I will be in Indonesia, Bali, and Malaysia at the end of September. I have Coaching sessions available for those time zones. If you are interested in being put on the waitlist to be on the air with me, email Assist@ChristineHassler.com and make the subject ‘Alt time zone coaching session’.

Are you frustrated and worried about your finances? Do you feel like you have enough money to live the life you deserve? Brittney Castro of Financially Wise Women can help you to feel mature with your money and eliminate fear around your finances with her free money training class. Watching it will help you bust through the three things that are holding you back from getting your finances under control.


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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is there something from your past you are having a hard time letting go of?
  • Are you obsessing about a person or situation so much that it is taking up a lot of your mental energy and preventing you from being able to move forward?
  • Can you admit you haven’t always shown up as your best self in a relationship or situation?
  • Are you willing to take 100% responsibility for your life?

Mary’s Question:

Mary would like to know how to accept her breakup and get over her ex.

Mary’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She has been seeing a therapist about the issue.
  • She has been cheated on in her past relationships.
  • Her father was emotionally unavailable.
  • She would pick fights with her ex.
  • Fixating on her ex is distracting her from learning a lesson.
  • She may believe the relationship ending is her fault.
  • She doesn’t want to have to take action to get him back.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should take responsibility for 100% of her 50% of the breakup and realize she didn’t do anything wrong.
  • She should take three months to focus on herself and have no contact with her ex.
  • She should envision what moving forward looks like.

Takeaways:

  • How can you really take responsibility, even when you want to feel like a victim, and own your end of something that didn’t turn out like you planned?
  • Forgive yourself. We all learn the same way. Beating yourself up will not help you learn, grow, or heal any faster.
  • Is there someone in your life you need a break from?
  • Always look for the lessons. Any Expectation Hangover or any hardship is bringing you an opportunity to heal. Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me,” ask “Why is this happening FOR me?”

Sponsor:

Daily Harvest — Organic Superfoods delivered to your door. Use promo code OVERIT to get 3 free Daily Harvest cups.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Jill@ChristineHassler.com

Expectation Hangover

“Over It and On With It Personal Mastery Course”

The PodcastOne Survey

Christy Whitman Coaches Corner

Alison Armstrong

David Deida

Tweetables:

You cannot change the past but you can learn from it. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

We perpetuate suffering because we don’t recognize the lesson. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

Sometimes we pay more attention to an external partner than we pay attention to the kind of… Click To Tweet

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Coaches Corner: Gut Health Part 2 with Dr Allison Siebecker

In this episode I talk to one of the leading experts on gut health and SIBO, Dr. Allison Siebecker. Listen in as we break down how very important gut health is and take the shame off any digestive issues!! We discuss the causes and cures of SIBO, IBS and how our gut impacts so many aspects of our life. Allison Siebecker, ND, MSOM, LAc, has worked in the nutritional field since 1988 and is a 2005 graduate of The National University of Natural Medicine (NUNM), where she earned her Doctorate in Naturopathic Medicine and her Masters in Oriental Medicine. She is the co-founder and former medical director of the SIBO Center for Digestive Health at that Clinic, and has specialized in the treatment of SIBO since 2010. Dr. Siebecker is passionate about education – she is an Instructor of Advanced Gastroenterology, she’s on the IBS Board of Advisors & Faculty for the GI Health Foundation, Co-Founder & Curriculum Coordinator of the 2014-2016 SIBO Symposiums, teaches continuing education classes for physicians, and is the author of the free educational website siboinfo.com. In 2005, 2013 and 2015 she received the ‘Best in Naturopathy’ award from the Townsend Letter, for her articles: “Traditional Bone Broth in Modern Health and Disease”, “Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth: Often Overlooked Cause of IBS” and “SIBO: Dysbiosis Has A New Name”. Dr. Siebecker is currently writing a book synthesizing the SIBO data into one source.

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EP 101: How Do I Take Action When I Have Anxiety and Fear? With Suzanne

EP101

This episode is about taking action when faced with fear and anxiety. I coach today’s caller, Suzanne, through her pattern of catastrophic thinking, worry, and anxiety, to allow her to respond differently to her fear-based thoughts. If you can relate to feeling like fear and anxiety stops you, or if you are a bit of a worrywart, you will receive a lot of value out of this coaching session.

Worry is using our mind to come up with and visualize worst case scenarios, instead of using the power of our mind to visualize what we truly want to occur.

On some level, we think it’s protecting us or keeping us safe. But all it’s doing is creating more anxiety.

When we feel fear, it’s important that we first be with the part of us that feels scared and anxious. When we get scared as adults, we need to learn how to respond to it in a way that feels reassuring. A big part of this can be addressed by self-soothing. Most of the ways we attempt to soothe ourselves are not about soothing at all. We may be numbing or distracting ourselves. We run away from the fear by working, eating, sedating ourselves with drugs or alcohol, or using social media for hours.

But the more we ignore it, the bigger the monster becomes, so instead of running from your fear, face it head on. It doesn’t mean you have to conquer it, just be with it. What does it need from you? If the fear has a message for you, what’s the message? Can you trust yourself to sit with it rather than run? Tell yourself you are safe, and that everything is OK. Be a reassuring voice to yourself.

As you will hear in the call, Suzanne’s sense of self, and ability to feel safe regardless of external conditions, wasn’t developed, so she didn’t feel safe when she was outside of her home.

Like many of us, Suzanne said she understood my coaching intellectually but she still found it hard to shift in the moment. But, it’s the follow-through that matters.

That’s why I designed my Inner Circle membership community to focus on a certain quality every month. We focus on moving something from awareness into integration. So change actually happens. It’s more than learning concepts, you learn to integrate what you are learning into your life.

My podcast is now part of the Podcast One Network. By downloading the Podcast One App you can find out about your favorite shows, you can comment and connect with other listeners, watch videos, and watch 360-Virtual Reality Videos. A couple shows you may want to check out are my interview with Brandi Glanville on Unfiltered, and Mentoring Moments, a place to get mentoring from women you may never meet.


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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you worry a lot? Do you have a tendency to imagine worst-case scenarios, or have a habit of waiting for the other shoe to drop?
  • Do you think that preparing for the worst protects you from being disappointed?
  • Did something challenging, traumatic or catastrophic happen to you as a kid, so you live with nervous anticipation that something bad will happen again?
  • How are you soothing yourself when you go into fear, anxiety, or panic? Are you able to calm yourself down? What are your coping mechanisms?

Suzanne’s Question:

Suzanne wants to know how to take action when she feels crippled by anxiety.

Suzanne’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She is a catastrophic thinker.
  • She doesn’t deal with losses well.
  • She didn’t feel emotionally safe as a child.
  • She had an eating disorder in college.
  • She surrounds herself with mentally stable people.
  • She tries to put her emotional health first.
  • She practices negative self-talk.
  • She seeks reassurance from outside herself.
  • She lets her mind run the show.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should find a new way to relate to herself to get a consistent experience.
  • She needs to acknowledge when she is in the midst of catastrophic thinking, and practice self-soothing techniques.
  • She should do the Release Writing exercise from Expectation Hangover.
  • She should practice Kundalini shaking to get rid her nervous energy.
  • She should start owning who she is, what she feels and what she loves about herself.

Takeaways:

  • Find a way to self-soothe, read “My Best Tips for Reducing Anxiety” about calming yourself down and dealing with anxiety.
  • Make sure your sense of self is not externally referenced. Look at where you are projecting a feeling of safety. Do you feel like you need to get it from an outside source?
  • Imagine your best-case scenarios — instead of using your imagination to imagine things all the things you don’t want, imagine all the things you do want.
  • The Future Forecasting exercise in Expectation Hangover is a great way to start visioning your best-case scenarios.
  • Allow yourself to get excited about things!

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@ChristineHassler.com

Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life,
by Christine Hassler

Podcast One

Tweetables:

Worry is using your mind to come up with and visualize worst-case scenarios. It’s a poor use of your imagination.… Click To Tweet

External conditions should not dictate how you feel inside. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

The more ways you need to make you feel safe and calm the less you need anxiety.… Click To Tweet

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EP 100: How to Find Yourself When You Feel Isolated and Lack Self-Esteem with Judy

 

EP100This episode is about being your authentic self and speaking your truth. I coach today’s caller, Judy, through her feelings of isolation, and empower her to have an honest conversation with her husband, and herself, about her needs.

Loneliness is an epidemic, especially in this day and age when so many of us live alone. We are not close to our family geographically, or we don’t have a soul family or community to be a part of. We need a healing connection. We need to feel part of something, part of a tribe. We need to feel connected to ourselves. What often perpetuates a feeling of loneliness is a disconnection to ourselves that comes from judging ourselves and being hard on ourselves. If you suffer from loneliness or a lack of self-esteem you are not alone. Let the fact that you are not alone motivate you to gain confidence and to connect with a community.

Speaking your truth is when you say what’s true for you, and you are able to communicate your needs. When are you not speaking your truth?

Many of us think people pleasing is a way to get love and find validation. We think if people see the real us, they may not like us. The more you show the real you, and the more authentic you are, your relationship with yourself will improve, your self-esteem will improve, and the intimacy and connection you have with other people will also improve.

It’s great to make other people happy but it’s more important to please ourselves first, by making self-honoring choices. People pleasing could be the reason you are feeling isolated. On some level, people pleasing is draining.

Drop the people pleasing, up your self-esteem by making self-honoring choices and get out there and find your tribe!

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you feel isolated? Are you craving more connection?
  • Are you in a marriage or relationship where you feel isolated? Do you feel like you are dependent on your partner or you are living according to their dreams and desires more than your own?
  • Are you a people pleaser? Do you have a hard time making your needs a priority?
  • Do you find it challenging to speak your truth?

Judy’s Question:

Judy wants to know how to find herself and how to raise her self-esteem.

Judy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She has been continuously moving for a year.
  • Her husband tries to support her but he doesn’t really get it.
  • Her husband has a stronger personality than she does.
  • She’s dependent on her husband and doesn’t go places on her own.
  • She always puts other people first.
  • She has a hard time saying no.
  • She takes care of people, hoping it will help to build intimacy.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should be honest and vulnerable with her husband about her feelings.
  • She should speak up when she feels she wants to say something.
  • She should lean more into authenticity and less into people pleasing.
  • She should spend some time on her own engaging with other people.

Takeaways:

  • If you are in a relationship with the opposite sex, and would like to improve your masculine/feminine communication dynamics, consider studying the subject more.
  • If you are feeling isolated, start with a goal of talking to five new people every day, and then build on that number. Start getting yourself out there and finding your tribe.
  • Speak your truth authentically. If you have trouble doing it, join the Inner Circle community. Authenticity is this month’s area of focus.
  • Communicate your needs to the most important people in your life.

Sponsor:

Daily Harvest — Organic Superfoods delivered to your door. Use promo code OVERIT to get 3 free Daily Harvest cups.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@ChristineHassler.com

Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life,
by Christine Hassler

The Queen’s Code, by Alison A. Armstrong

Understand Men PAX Program by Alison Armstrong

David Deida

Tweetables:

You are the source of your own safety.http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

[It’s wonderful to do things that please other people, but not if you are sacrificing your… Click To Tweet

A healthy, loving relationship with ourselves and with source is how we avoid being lonely when we are… Click To Tweet

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