Tag Archives: present moment

Letting go of wanting

Greetings from Australia! Today I was having a chat over lunch with my longtime Aussie pal
Amir Zoghi about surrender. We were discussing the importance of letting go of attachment especially when we really desire something. Amir dropped this truth bomb:

“The best way to get what you want is to NOT want it.”

There is such wisdom in that simple statement. The more we want something, the more attached we are to getting it and attachment is something that usually leads to an expectation hangover.

Why does attachment lead to disappointment?

When we are attached to getting a specific result we put far more pressure on ourselves, another person, or a situation. Instead of being in the flow of life, we put our desires in a pressure cooker and project way too far into the future. For example, you have an idea for a business and you begin to set specific goals that you want to hit. As soon as you believe that hitting those goals is going to make you successful, happy, or whatever it is that you want to feel, you are attached. Or let’s say you are longing for a relationship and someone comes along who has potential. The second you want it to turn into anything more than it is right in that very moment creates attachment.

When we become attached to the outcome of how we want something to turn out, we miss out on a lot of things. We miss out on clearly hearing the voice of our intuition because we are future focused and intuition resides in the present moment. We miss out on the preciousness of the moment. We get so caught up in an end result that we skip the learning that comes with being right here, right now. We also miss out on guidance from the Universe or possible red flags because we are so tunnel vision focused on what we want.

So does this mean that we should not want things? Or does it mean we should not set goals?

Well first of all I would not dare to “should” all over you but I will offer you my point of view on this that comes from a LOT of life experience of setting goals and wanting things . . . and consequently expectation hangovers!

Desire is not bad or wrong. It is an important feeling to have because it is a compass. Yet we often misunderstand desire. We think we desire a form or result but we truly desire is the feeling that we believe that form or result will give us. Going back to the examples from above, if you have a career goal it is actually not the goal your mind came up with that is driving you. You are really chasing the feeling you think achieving that goal will give you. Will achieving a goal make you feel successful, proud, and financially secure? If so, generate those feelings without having to hit any specific goal and allow your plans to unfold. Similarly, if you want a relationship, you are really chasing the feeling you think being in a relationship will give you. Will being in a relationship make you feel loved, validated, and passionate? If so, generate those feelings without needing someone else there.

The way to let go of attachment AND still get what you desire is to cultivate the feelings you think what you want will give you without actually having to have it.

Are you willing to let go of your attachment to the belief that you need something external to make you feel a certain way?

Back to what Amir said, “The best way to get what you want is not to want it.” If you are currently cultivating the feelings you desire in the future, you would long for nothing because your experience would be one of completeness. Nothing would feel like it was missing. And from this whole place, anything else that happens only enhances the experience you are already having.

You would be able to let go of the energy of attachment, which I assure you will create much more flow, joy and presence in your life. It also will not push away people or opportunities that feel the pressure cooker of your attachment energy.

I get that this is not an easy concept to comprehend, much less practice, because we live in a world where we are very conditioned to be believe our feelings are a result of results, but they are not. Our truest feelings and desires come from our inner truth and the more tapped in we are to the truth of who we are, the more we realize that we truly have everything we need and want.

I realize you may have thoughts and questions on this topic so please comment and let’s get a discussion going!

Much love,

Christine

P.S.

EP 111: What Do I Want to Do Professionally with Montana

EP111v1

This episode is about making yourself a priority and living in the now. Today’s caller, Montana, is wondering what she should do professionally. She is waiting for something to happen instead of making it happen for herself.

We all have seasons in our lives. Our ability to travel to the past and the future in our minds may make us miss out on the present moment. When we are constantly thinking about what is next, we forget about what is now.

When our minds are in the future we are not honoring the season of the life we are in. Consider what season you are in. Are you honoring that season? When you take the time to honor the current season it is easier to leverage the learning opportunities and you will have a greater appreciation for the next season you are in.

Montana found it hard to make a clear choice because she has a fierce inner critic. Often times, clarity comes when we stop thinking about something or we get curious and try different things to get feedback.

Would you like to be coached on this show? E-mail assist@ChristineHassler.com.

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Montana’s Question:

Montana would like help navigating through her confidence issues with regards to her professional life.

Montana’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She will be spending the coming year at home with her child.
  • She longs to have a passion for what she is doing.
  • She feels like she always has to have it all together.
  • She was criticized instead of encouraged when she was younger.
  • She equated love with validation.
  • She should be grateful for where she is right now.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should accept the season of life she is in.
  • She should feel proud of herself and not make her self-love conditional.
  • Every night she should write down three things she is proud of herself for.
  • She should be curious about career possibilities.

Takeaways:

  • If you are self-critical or had an overly critical parent, or parents, you need to reinforce the feeling of pride within yourself. Every night write three things you are proud of yourself for.
  • If you are confused about what to do professionally, reach out to people and request an informational interview.
  • Consider taking the What Do I Want To Do with My Life career course.
  • Enjoy the season you are in and live in the now!

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Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Coaches Corner — Decision-Making Tips

Tweetables:

If your parent’s approval was conditional, you may have difficulty trusting… Click To Tweet

We all go through different seasons. Learn to appreciate your current season and pull every… Click To Tweet

Don’t make your self-love conditional. Every day, acknowledge three things you are proud of… Click To Tweet

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