Tag Archives: Relationships

EP 70: Why Am I Still Single? With Alex

EP70v2Today’s episode is about moving from being single to being in a relationship. I coach Alex on uncovering fears and limiting beliefs that can keep us from being in a relationship, or anything we truly want.

When we desire something, and it does not manifest in our life, we have a tendency to blame ourselves, do a spiritual bypass, or mentally obsess about what we need to change and fix about ourselves to make it manifest. Often, these strategies do not work. What does work is taking a deep and honest look at why not having what we want, is actually what we want. Consciously we want something but there is a hidden fear or limiting belief that is creating a block.

For Alex, it was her fear of rejection. Not being in a relationship feels safer for her. It doesn’t matter how much she desires something, if part of her is scared to have it, it’s hard, if not impossible, to manifest it.

This is very different approach than the dating advice we often hear. A relationship is not a symbolic trophy of self-love. If you are single and want to be in a relationship, ditch the apps, the dating columns, and relationship advice for a while, and do some of the things I encouraged Alex to do. Get honest about what really scares you in having what you want.

*Coaches — Notice I didn’t coach Alex into making a plan to date differently, to love herself more, or to step more into her feminine. Be willing to let go of trying to find a fix-it solution for your clients. Instead, guide them to discovering what is in their way.

If your intention for the New Year is to connect with a tribe of like-minded people, and to feel and act more confident, joining my Inner Circle will assist you with both. The Inner Circle is a membership community, where you get access to one-on-one coaching calls, my customized, guided meditations and visualizations, and lifestyle practices. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com, with any questions you may have.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you craving a relationship but not having much luck with dating?
  • Do feel conflicted about having a relationship?
  • Do you judge yourself, or think something is wrong with you, because you are single?
  • Is there anything in your life, which is not manifesting, but you don’t know why not?

Alex’s Question:

Alex has reached a phase in her life where she thinks she would like to be in a relationship, but is not sure why she hasn’t drawn in a romantic partner.

Alex’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels as if she is always pursuing dating.
  • She believes she isn’t doing something correctly when it comes to dating.
  • She is afraid any relationship she gets into will not be successful.
  • She fears rejection.
  • She knows she is a great catch but may not 100% believe it.
  • She feels suffocated when she is overwhelmed by anything.
  • She could be scared of herself.
  • She feels with her head instead of her heart.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to write out guidelines for what she wants to feel in a relationship.
  • She needs to be willing to be vulnerable, and open up her heart completely.
  • She should incorporate a meditation and visualization practice into her life.
  • She should drop the persona she created to keep herself safe, and let herself be truly seen.

Assignments:

  • Ditch the list of everything you want to attract in your life. Work instead to identify the fears that may be in your way.
  • Be vulnerable.
  • If there is something you want in life, but it’s not manifesting, it may be time to reach out to a coach. There are two spots open for private clients. It’s an investment of both time and money. Email Jill@christinehassler.com for more information.

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Resources:

“Being Single is Not a Disorder” Blog Post
Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Assist@ChristineHassler.com – Send your questions to Christine anytime.
Christine’s Books

Tweetables:

We are the creators of our lives. We manifest according to our belief systems. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet
If we are always waiting to be rejected, we attract people and situations that play out that pattern.… Click To Tweet
Allow yourself to long for a relationship, without making it mean anything negative that you are not currently in… Click To Tweet

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How to deal with people who you disagree with

“Agree to disagree.”  This is often what we attempt to do when someone else has an entirely different opinion.  But it’s not easy, especially when we feel incredibly passionate about something.

So what do we do when we are upset about another’s opinion or viewpoint?

This was the question I was challenged to answer for a group of High School students last weekend.  I share more about our conversation in today’s vlog.

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EP 65: Dealing with Challenges in Relationships with Andrew

EP65v1There are many common, limiting beliefs when it comes to love and romance. One belief is the success of a relationship is based on the time it lasts. So, if there is a breakup or divorce, the relationship was considered a failure. Or, if you love someone, you must love them unconditionally and stay with them, for better or for worse, no matter what. Another limiting belief is, the purpose of a romantic relationship is to find THE one who completes you.

In today’s coaching session, we bust through the limiting beliefs to get down to love and truth. Today’s caller, Andrew, finds himself at a challenging crossroads  in his marriage. He would like to know how to be supportive to his wife after her recent cancer diagnosis without becoming a doormat.

Andrew shared he is working towards a growth mindset, and up until now his wife has had more of a victim mindset. While I only got to hear one side, I didn’t hear any blame or resentment from Andrew as he shared his story, so I sense his description of the situation is fairly accurate. That is why I coached him to love his wife, to support her and to hold space for her, as she and the entire family process this diagnosis. And in time, have a heart-to-heart with her about how they plan to journey through this Expectation Hangover together.

Diagnoses can be an opportunity for deep healing and transformation. Sometimes, what is for the highest good is not always the easiest or most obvious choice. I coached Andrew through the distinction of spiritual connection and spiritual bypass. It basically comes down to love and truth. Andrew loves his wife, but in truth, they may be growing in different directions. Does this mean the relationship should end? I don’t believe in shoulds. People in a relationship can be growing at different speeds, but still along the same path.

Remember, spirituality is not tolerating people treating us the way they want to treat us. Love and truth go together. Self-honoring choices are often for the highest good of all, and that is the ultimate high road.  We can love, encourage, support, and be an example for people, but we can not save anyone else, that is up to them.

Would you like a behind the scenes look into all of my #lifehacks and to join my Inner Circle? The Inner Circle is a membership community where you get access to coaching calls, my guided meditations and visualizations, and lifestyle tips which include beauty, health, and wellness.

And, I will be in Sydney, Australia for another amazing Mastermind, possibly a training, and half- and full-day intensives. My visit will focus on the needs of small business owners or those of you transitioning into a new career. You could benefit from a session if you are dealing with fear, are getting in your own way or are ready to take your business to the next level. Send an email to Jill@Christinehassler.com ASAP for more information.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • What soul lessons are you currently learning from your relationship or relationship status?
  • Are you making your relationship with yourself or your higher power a priority?
  • Are any of your relationships at a point where you are growing in a different direction from each other?
  • Do you wonder if being there for someone else in a supportive way is putting your own needs at risk?
  • What is the difference between having a spiritual orientation to your relationship, and doing a spiritual bypass and becoming a bit of a doormat?

Andrew’s Question:

Andrew’s relationship is experiencing trials and tribulations. He would like to know how to spiritually cope with his wife’s recent thyroid cancer diagnosis.

Andrew’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • His wife’s hormones have been elevated due to a thyroid problem.
  • He feels spirituality calling him.
  • It’s not his responsibility to save his wife.
  • He has recently started a spiritual practice.
  • He doesn’t believe his wife is a willing participant in the relationship.
  • His current lesson may not yet be resolved.
  • It is now up to him to re-parent himself.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • He should write his wife a letter to share what feels about her and how the diagnosis may be a wake up call to stay committed to working on their relationship. Also, let her know he can not do it alone.
  • He should hug his wife every day.
  • He needs to take 100% responsibility for his 50%.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Look back at your romantic relationships to see what lessons you have learned. Write down how each partner has been a soul mate.
  • Nurture a relationship with a higher power.
  • Do something intentional and devotional every day for someone you care about.
  • If there is a difficult conversation you need to have, write a letter and either read the letter to the person or give it to them.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler
Expectation Hangover
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Christine Hassler Free E-book
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Jill@christinehassler.com
An Uncommon Bond, by Jeff Brown

Tweetables:

Love without truth can keep us in relationships long past their expiration dates. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet
People don’t cure themselves of cancer when they are stuck in a victim mentality. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet
Are you still on the same path as your partner but perhaps just a few paces ahead? http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

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The Beauty in Breakups, Blame and Betrayal . . .

Breakups of any kind are perhaps one of the most challenging things we go through. There is so much that gets triggered that sometimes it feels like we will never get to the other side of it. And if there was infidelity or betrayal of any kind, oh boy can the gap between devastation and acceptance feel even wider!

But like any Expectation Hangover, there is beauty in all breakups.

Of course, we have to feel and heal the emotions that are natural to feel during the loss of a relationship without indulging in them. Then there comes a point where we must ask: “What am I learning?” and “What was my part in this?” As we ask those questions, we unlock something that is critical to our growth and healing.

When a relationship ends, we are never 100% victims. We need to take 100% responsibility for our 50% of the relationship. That said, we must do so without self-judgment or blame. We must accept that we did the best we could with what we had at the time, and we now have an opportunity to do better moving forward.

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