Today’s episode is about how to let go of relationships from your past, and how to heal old wounds. Danielle is consciously aware of what she is going through, but is still triggered by things in her past.
One frustrating part of the human experience is when we are consciously aware of something, but we are still affected by it in a negative way. We have to be gentle with ourselves, and know that when we go through a change, it is typical for a part of us to be a little freaked out. And, we don’t get over it by giving ourselves a pep talk. We have to go back, and give ourselves permission to feel our sadness or our fear.
Danielle was aware of her anxious attachment, and she knew it needed to stop. Her willingness to get over it created the insights and shifts she had during our conversation. If you want to get over a relationship you are invested in, you have to be willing to let them go.
Danielle never felt chosen by her biological dad. She had more pressure on her, in her family, than support. She was there for everybody else, but no one was there for her. It was important to get Danielle out of her rational head, and into her heart. She consciously knew her issues, but she kept attracting the same type of relationships, because she never shifted emotionally.
My work with Danielle was about going back and understanding what her younger self really needed. I asked her to go back and speak to herself as if she was her father speaking to her, and tell herself the things she wished he would have said.
Let go of any belief someone will choose us and make us worthy.
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- Are there things you consciously know, but you are still being triggered and affected?
- Are you still attached, in a relationship or energetically, to an ex or another person in your life?
- Do you think there could be some hurt involving your parents, you haven’t quite dealt with?
- Do you keep attracting the same type of person over and over again?
Danielle was in a dysfunctional relationship for three years, and is still attached to the person, even though they broke up nine months ago.
Danielle’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She kept her feelings hidden as a child.
- She chose a partner who reinforced her childhood belief that her feelings don’t matter.
- Her ex was never there, and was never consistent with her.
- She started her dysfunctional relationship shortly after her father passed.
- She is still wanting a relationship with her father.
- She was told she was supposed to save her parent’s marriage.
- She may not have discovered who she really is.
- She will have more compassion for herself.
- She will allow herself to feel her feelings without overthinking them.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- She needs to connect to her inner child, and make herself know she is worthy.
- Attend the Women’s Spring Retreat in March.
- She should use the Release Writing or Temper Tantrum tools in Expectation Hangover.
- Be honest with yourself about any dysfunctional relationships or anxious attachments, and be willing to let them go.
- Stop using your head so much.
- Allow someone else to help you, by getting a coach, or going to a retreat or workshop.
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