Tag Archives: Relationships

EP 73: How to Let Go of Dysfunctional Relationships For Good With Danielle

EP73v1Today’s episode is about how to let go of relationships from your past, and how to heal old wounds. Danielle is consciously aware of what she is going through, but is still triggered by things in her past.

One frustrating part of the human experience is when we are consciously aware of something, but we are still affected by it in a negative way. We have to be gentle with ourselves, and know that when we go through a change, it is typical for a part of us to be a little freaked out. And, we don’t get over it by giving ourselves a pep talk. We have to go back, and give ourselves permission to feel our sadness or our fear.

Danielle was aware of her anxious attachment, and she knew it needed to stop. Her willingness to get over it created the insights and shifts she had during our conversation. If you want to get over a relationship you are invested in, you have to be willing to let them go.

Danielle never felt chosen by her biological dad. She had more pressure on her, in her family, than support. She was there for everybody else, but no one was there for her. It was important to get Danielle out of her rational head, and into her heart. She consciously knew her issues, but she kept attracting the same type of relationships, because she never shifted emotionally.

My work with Danielle was about going back and understanding what her younger self really needed. I asked her to go back and speak to herself as if she was her father speaking to her, and tell herself the things she wished he would have said.

Let go of any belief someone will choose us and make us worthy.

I created an Over It and One With It survey, just for my listeners, and I would really appreciate it if you would take 2-5 minutes to fill it out to let me know what you like about the show, and what you want to hear more of.

I will be co-hosting a retreat for men and women with Aubrey Marcus in Austin, TX in April. More details to come!

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are there things you consciously know, but you are still being triggered and affected?
  • Are you still attached, in a relationship or energetically, to an ex or another person in your life?
  • Do you think there could be some hurt involving your parents, you haven’t quite dealt with?
  • Do you keep attracting the same type of person over and over again?

Danielle’s Question:

Danielle was in a dysfunctional relationship for three years, and is still attached to the person, even though they broke up nine months ago.

Danielle’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She kept her feelings hidden as a child.
  • She chose a partner who reinforced her childhood belief that her feelings don’t matter.
  • Her ex was never there, and was never consistent with her.
  • She started her dysfunctional relationship shortly after her father passed.
  • She is still wanting a relationship with her father.
  • She was told she was supposed to save her parent’s marriage.
  • She may not have discovered who she really is.
  • She will have more compassion for herself.
  • She will allow herself to feel her feelings without overthinking them.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Assignments:

  • Be honest with yourself about any dysfunctional relationships or anxious attachments, and be willing to let them go.
  • Stop using your head so much.
  • Allow someone else to help you, by getting a coach, or going to a retreat or workshop.

Sponsor:

Freshbooks Get a Free 30-Day Unrestricted Trial to Online Accounting Software. Enter “Over It and On With It” in the ‘How did you hear about us?’ section.

Resources:

Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Send your questions to Christine, to be answered on Coaches Corner.

Tweetables:

If you know someone is dysfunctional, why can’t you break it off or get them out of your head?… Click To Tweet
You can’t heal feelings with thinking. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
There is strong chemistry and attraction in an issue-based relationship.… Click To Tweet

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How to let go of unhealthy relationships

Some relationships come with expiration dates. As we grow, we begin to see that perhaps the people we have chosen to be in relationships with in the past are no longer healthy to be with now. Although this makes logical sense, ending a relationship isn’t easy on the emotional level.

You may know that a person you are in a relationship with is rather dysfunctional, or at the very least not in alignment with where you want to go, yet you can’t seem to either break it off or get that person out of your head even if you did break it off. Even after it’s over, you may have a very difficult time moving on and really letting it go.

So how to we truly let go of relationships that really need to be over for good so that we can move forward?  This is the topic I coach Danielle on in this week’s episode of Over it and On With It.  She has been broken up with her boyfriend for months and knows the relationships is not healthy but is still experiencing what she calls “anxious attachment.” In other words, she can’t get him out of her head and still feels pulled to go back to him, which is causing her a lot of anxiety.

Can you relate to any of the following:

  • Are you still attached to – either still in relationship with or still energetically invested in/obsessing about – someone who you know is not healthy for you to be around?
  • Have you ended a relationship with someone that you know has reached it’s expiration date but keep coming up with reasons as to why you should give it another chance?
  • Do you think there could be some hurts involving your past that you haven’t quite dealt with and therefore still playing out in your present?
  • Do you keep attracting and dating the same person over and over again with a different face?

If you can relate to any of the above or you’d like to listen to me coach Danielle out of her anxious attachment, go here to tune into episode 73.

The essence of the work we get to in this coaching session was around the hurt she felt by never feeling close to her father, or quite frankly anyone in her family. In working with past hurts regarding her dad, it was important that Danielle got out of her head and into her feelings about it. This was a great example of how she “knew” her issues that were creating blocks to a healthy relationship but just kept attracting the same kind of unhealthy relationship.

By the end of the call, you’ll hear how free Danielle feels because she is 100% willing to let go of what she knows was a dysfunctional relationship!!

Today I encourage you to take an HONEST look at the relationships you are still invested in.  If you want to get over them, you have to be 100% willing to let them go.

And remember . . .

We attract and accept the love we think we deserve (Tweet this!) If you want a different kind of relationship, it is time to change the way you love and care for yourself.

Love,
Christine

p.s. Would you like a behind the scenes look into all of my lifehacks? Come join my Inner Circle which is a membership community where you get access to one-on-one coaching calls, my guided meditations and visualizations, and lifestyle practices.  More info here.

EP 70: Why Am I Still Single? With Alex

EP70v2Today’s episode is about moving from being single to being in a relationship. I coach Alex on uncovering fears and limiting beliefs that can keep us from being in a relationship, or anything we truly want.

When we desire something, and it does not manifest in our life, we have a tendency to blame ourselves, do a spiritual bypass, or mentally obsess about what we need to change and fix about ourselves to make it manifest. Often, these strategies do not work. What does work is taking a deep and honest look at why not having what we want, is actually what we want. Consciously we want something but there is a hidden fear or limiting belief that is creating a block.

For Alex, it was her fear of rejection. Not being in a relationship feels safer for her. It doesn’t matter how much she desires something, if part of her is scared to have it, it’s hard, if not impossible, to manifest it.

This is very different approach than the dating advice we often hear. A relationship is not a symbolic trophy of self-love. If you are single and want to be in a relationship, ditch the apps, the dating columns, and relationship advice for a while, and do some of the things I encouraged Alex to do. Get honest about what really scares you in having what you want.

*Coaches — Notice I didn’t coach Alex into making a plan to date differently, to love herself more, or to step more into her feminine. Be willing to let go of trying to find a fix-it solution for your clients. Instead, guide them to discovering what is in their way.

If your intention for the New Year is to connect with a tribe of like-minded people, and to feel and act more confident, joining my Inner Circle will assist you with both. The Inner Circle is a membership community, where you get access to one-on-one coaching calls, my customized, guided meditations and visualizations, and lifestyle practices. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com, with any questions you may have.

There are only 3 spots left for my Women’s Spring Retreat March 10-12. Sign up today, so you don’t miss out.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you craving a relationship but not having much luck with dating?
  • Do feel conflicted about having a relationship?
  • Do you judge yourself, or think something is wrong with you, because you are single?
  • Is there anything in your life, which is not manifesting, but you don’t know why not?

Alex’s Question:

Alex has reached a phase in her life where she thinks she would like to be in a relationship, but is not sure why she hasn’t drawn in a romantic partner.

Alex’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels as if she is always pursuing dating.
  • She believes she isn’t doing something correctly when it comes to dating.
  • She is afraid any relationship she gets into will not be successful.
  • She fears rejection.
  • She knows she is a great catch but may not 100% believe it.
  • She feels suffocated when she is overwhelmed by anything.
  • She could be scared of herself.
  • She feels with her head instead of her heart.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to write out guidelines for what she wants to feel in a relationship.
  • She needs to be willing to be vulnerable, and open up her heart completely.
  • She should incorporate a meditation and visualization practice into her life.
  • She should drop the persona she created to keep herself safe, and let herself be truly seen.

Assignments:

  • Ditch the list of everything you want to attract in your life. Work instead to identify the fears that may be in your way.
  • Be vulnerable.
  • If there is something you want in life, but it’s not manifesting, it may be time to reach out to a coach. There are two spots open for private clients. It’s an investment of both time and money. Email Jill@christinehassler.com for more information.

Sponsor:

Daily Energy — Get 30% off of Daily Energy. It’s the simplest hack you can do for your life this year.

Resources:

“Being Single is Not a Disorder” Blog Post
Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Assist@ChristineHassler.com – Send your questions to Christine anytime.
Christine’s Books

Tweetables:

We are the creators of our lives. We manifest according to our belief systems. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet
If we are always waiting to be rejected, we attract people and situations that play out that pattern.… Click To Tweet
Allow yourself to long for a relationship, without making it mean anything negative that you are not currently in… Click To Tweet

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How to deal with people who you disagree with

“Agree to disagree.”  This is often what we attempt to do when someone else has an entirely different opinion.  But it’s not easy, especially when we feel incredibly passionate about something.

So what do we do when we are upset about another’s opinion or viewpoint?

This was the question I was challenged to answer for a group of High School students last weekend.  I share more about our conversation in today’s vlog.

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