Tag Archives: safe

EP 135: Stop Procrastinating and Self-Sabotaging with Angela

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This call is about is about procrastination and self-sabotage. Today’s caller, Angela, believes she puts things off and sabotages herself but as you will hear in the call it is really about her feeling safe and her fear of being seen.

We don’t sabotage ourselves or procrastinate because we are weak or unmotivated. There is some payoff that keeps us safe.

No matter how much we want something in our present-day self and no matter how much we are committed to a mission, if some part of us thinks that accomplishing our mission is a threat to our survival, then our mission takes a back burner to the survival instinct that is keeping us safe.

Sometimes it’s the people who have felt different who make the biggest difference. If you felt different, alone, like you didn’t fit in or that you didn’t belong, consider it an important part of your journey to making a difference. The difference you make may be in a big way as a coach or a teacher or it may be in a more intimate way. You may be a different kind of parent, employee, or citizen. We all make differences in a unique and special way. Often, it is the struggles that made us feel different that prepare us to make the difference we are here to make.

Our higher wisdom will always call us toward people, pets, and opportunities that give us the opportunity to embody and express the qualities we don’t think we have but do have.

Would you like to become a masterful, profitable coach? Join me in Sydney, Australia on April 14th & 15th to fast-track the success of your coaching business. Visit Christine’s Master Class for more information. I am also holding a one-day Women’s Retreat for 10 women on April 13, 2018, in Bondi Beach. It’s a condensed version of my signature retreat. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you a procrastinator? Do you put things off or try to perfect them and hold off on getting things out there?
  • Do you find yourself self-sabotaging? Do you take five steps forward but then four steps back?
  • Do you deal with anxiety? Especially when it comes to being seen.
  • Growing up did you feel different like you didn’t fit in and all you wanted to do was be normal?

Angela’s Question:

Angela wants to know how to move past her repeating patterns of procrastination and self-sabotage.

Angela’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels anxious about being seen.
  • She doesn’t believe in herself.
  • She is embarking on a career as a health coach.
  • She lost both parents at a young age.
  • She didn’t feel safe as a child.
  • She didn’t feel “normal.”
  • She felt ashamed of her family.
  • She is self-conscious.
  • Her inner child doesn’t feel safe.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She needs to make herself feel safe.
  • She needs to discover her inner mother.
  • She should become compassionate with herself.
  • She should learn to be present with herself.
  • She should sign up for an improv class.
  • She should write her parents an “I wish” letter.
  • She should redefine what being safe means to her.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • If you engage in procrastination and self-sabotaging behavior, look at the payoff you receive from it. When you find the payoff, you can figure out how to get the same payoff in a healthy, more updated way.
  • If you are afraid to be seen because you don’t feel safe, redefine safety. Make sure your definition of safety includes other people.
  • If you had parents you feel were physically, mentally, or emotionally disabled in any way, consider why your soul picked them to be your parents.
  • Do improv or something that gets you seen and out of your comfort zone.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For those interested in being on the show

Tweetables:

In a competition, our survival needs always trump our purpose. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet It is the people who feel the most different that usually make the biggest difference.… Click To Tweet What is your definition of safe? http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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EP 125: Dealing with Stress at Work with Adam

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This call is about a lack of connection. Adam calls in wanting to know how to deal with the stress he feels from not advancing in his work but as you will hear in the call, it’s more about him standing up for himself and asking for what he wants.

People who are raised in a strict household try to blend in because they are afraid of getting yelled at. Blending in is the safe thing to do as a child but as adults, and especially if one wants to get promoted, we need to stand out and to feel safe being seen.

Issues in our lives don’t randomly show up. A holistic approach to our physical, mental and emotional health is so important. The same with dealing with any kind of disappointment or expectation hangover. Our bodies speak to us. The body is a messenger and physical ailments can give us insight into what our emotional body — our subconscious body — is telling us.

On the emotional level, the heart, and the blood it pumps, represents love and joy and our early connections to family. People with heart problems usually have unresolved family issues that take the joy and love out of their lives. These issues might keep love and joy from entering their lives because they are afraid to let love in. Closing our heart to love is very symbolic of shutting off the flow of life to our heart.

“Affirm: I open my heart to love! My heart is now lovingly pumping joy throughout my body! All is well and I am safe.” —Mind-Body Connection Affirmation by Louise Hay

I am headed to Australia for the entire month of February. If you would like to be part of a half-day intensive, or a session with me in Sydney, email Jill@ChristineHassler.com.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you feel connected to yourself and others when it comes to your work life or life in general?
  • Are you stressed out at work but not really making any changes?
  • Are you up for a promotion or unhappy at work?
  • Are you a play-by-the-rules-don’t-ruffle-any-feathers kind of person? Can you see how it may be limiting you?

Adam’s Question:

Adam wants to know how to deal with the stress of his work after being denied a promotion.

Adam’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • He’s become a loner and shares less with other people.
  • He doesn’t feel he can progress within the company he works for.
  • He was raised in a strict military-like environment.
  • He is playing out his childhood in his adult life.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • He should have a conversation with managers within his organization about how his goals align with the company’s goals.
  • He should acknowledge himself and give himself the encouragement he didn’t get as a child.

Action Steps:

  • Ask for what you want, stop playing by the rules and go for it! Think about how you were raised and how it may be impacting how you show up as an adult.
  • Be connected to yourself, to others, and to your higher power.
  • Take care of your heart. Let love in. Read Expectation Hangover, find a therapist or coach and enroll in my mastery program, which will be accepting enrollment soon.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler —Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Master Class for Coaches

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For men interested in being on the show

Lori Harder’s Bliss Project

Tweetables:

Exercise is a great outlet for stress but one of the best outlets for stress is being able to… Click To Tweet

You are so much more capable than anyone has ever told you that you are.… Click To Tweet

We build confidence by changing the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.… Click To Tweet

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EP 114: Turning OFF On-and-Off Again Relationships with Arelle

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This episode is about understanding the basis of relationships that feel like an addiction. Today’s caller, Arelle, has some unresolved daddy issues which keep her latched on to a much older man.

When we have a strong co-dependent relationship and it feels like an addiction or a drug it generally comes from a childhood wound. It is important, developmentally and psychologically, to have a healthy relationship with our parents. If we don’t have a healthy relationship with our parents, and as adults we don’t resolve our issues through inner work, therapy, coaching or spiritual practices, we go looking for what we didn’t get from our parents from the people we date. Often, it is our younger self who picks our relationships. Our survival instinct tells us that if our parents are not there for us we will die. This is why codependent relationships can feel like a death when we try to separate from them, it is because it is triggering the child in us to feel like they may not survive.

Arelle’s relationship issue was more about her father than it was about her guy. Arelle may not have fully grieved the relationship she didn’t have with her father. She never received the validation and attention she wanted from her father so she is playing out the scenario with her guy.

If you relate to this on-again-off-again relationship, you have to choose to stop your relationship. Accept that it is not good for you and get out. A codependent, abusive, toxic relationship is not safe and it’s not what you want.

One of my favorite ways to empower people is teaching retreats. So, in March 2018 I am hosting my annual signature retreat. It is an intense 3-day, women only spring event with only 20 spaces available. This is the last time I will lead the retreat as I am training others. For early bird pricing or to find out more e-mail Jill@christinehassler.com or check out Spring Retreat.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in a relationship that some part of you knows is not good for you but you can’t seem to permanently break it off?
  • Are you going through withdrawal because you recently ended a relationship and are tempted to rekindle it?
  • Did you lose a parent at a young age from death, divorce, or abandonment?
  • Do you find yourself looking for safety and security in someone else and identify with being a bit dependent or are do you provide that to someone else?

Arelle’s Question:

Arelle would like to end her codependent relationship but can’t seem to stop going back to him.

Arelle’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • Her father passed when she was young.
  • There is a significant age difference between her and the guy.
  • She has difficulty feeling safe.
  • She may have not completely dealt with her father’s death.
  • She has an eating disorder.
  • She has left her addiction six times.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should find a counselor who is able to connect her past relationships with her present relationships.
  • She should consider going cold turkey and not see or speak with her guy again.
  • She should research codependency support groups and see if there is one in her area.
  • She needs to be a grown up and set herself up for success.

Takeaways:

  • Take off your rose-colored glasses. Make a list of the things that are true about your relationship and what you fantasize it to be.
  • Find a counselor or coach who will help you connect the dots. There is no shame in going to counseling.
  • If you are in an on-again-off-again relationship, turn it off. Do something that is good for you and end it for good. 

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

 Tweetables:

When a person dies, we grieve their death and we also grieve what we never received from them… Click To Tweet A codependent, abusive, toxic relationship is not safe and it’s not what you really want for… Click To Tweet Work on your trust issues before you get into a relationship with another… Click To Tweet

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