Tag Archives: savior

Is There Someone You’re Trying to Change or Save?

Is there someone in your life you really hope will change? Do you find yourself taking on the responsibility for other people’s transformation? Do you even get annoyed when you see someone you care about not living into the potential you see in them?

I get it. When I dove into all this personal growth stuff in my early twenties, boy oh boy, did I find myself preaching a lot. I had so much new information I wanted to share about how we can awaken and free ourselves from suffering. When I saw someone suffering, I felt a responsibility to save them. And when someone was not acting the way I thought was best, I really believed I could change them. HA!

What I have learned over the years is that it is not our job or our right to save anyone. But obviously we want to make a positive impact on others so how do we do that without taking on the responsibility of savior?

Many years ago I was in a relationship with someone and wanted him to be different. My spiritual teacher at the time said something to me that I have never forgotten. As I was complaining about how he wasn’t doing “his work” and “diving deep enough into his issues” she looked at me and lovingly said, “Christine, you do not walk into a nursery and wake up sleeping babies.”

In that moment, I got it . . .

People wake up when they are ready to wake up. Sure we may inspire some part of their awakening but ultimately it is on their own Divine timing. It is more loving to give someone the dignity of their own process instead of trying to try to change them. (Tweet This!!)

This may make logical sense; however, often it’s hard to give up trying to change someone – be it a friend, family member or romantic partner. You think your love is the magic potion that will save or transform them. You see the hurt little boy or girl under the toxic behavior. You recognize the pain underneath the addiction. You can see all their potential and possibility.

I see this pattern in so many, especially those of you Lightworkers.  But it is exhausting to take on the responsibility for someone else’s transformation. And the reason it is exhausting is because it is not possible. The only person you can change is the one reading these words right now.

Going back to the example from my own life, I realized that the person that really needed to go to a deeper level spiritually and emotionally was me. But it was way easier to fixate on him and all the things he could and should do differently.

My encouragement to you is turn your focus back toward yourself and give the other person back to God. Their awakening is between them and their Higher Power.

If someone is not changing or evolving in the way you are requesting or hoping to inspire, that is not your fault. You have a huge heart with so much love to give and I understand that it feels like love can heal anything.

Sure we can be catalysts for another person’s change but in MOST cases in order to be that catalyst we have to be totally unattached to being it. It is detachment, acceptance and honoring our own truth that often creates the inspiration for someone to find the truth within themselves. That said, don’t try to strategize about how to be unattached hoping they will change – that is still attachment!

Instead walk the talk. Be the vibration you desire from others. What inspires people most is how you live your life.  Stop trying to wake up sleeping babies. . . let their precious souls rest until they are ready.

Is there someone you have been trying to save or trigger their transformation? I am here to support you in liberating yourself from that responsibility and respecting their process.

Fondly,

Christine

EP 128: Manning Up and Breaking Free of Being a Rescuer with William

EP128

This call is about embracing your true self and moving away from the savior role. Today’s caller, William, thought he was looking for clarity about his career decision but it was more about learning to embrace his masculinity.

Many men struggle with what masculinity means to them. I have compassion for the masculine. Recently, the masculine has gotten a bad rap. We have seen a lot of the shadow of masculine but I don’t think we have seen the light of masculine. We want to heal it and bring more of the healthy light of the masculine forward. We all have both masculine and feminine energies inside of us. It’s all about balance.

A lot of men have an experience with a scary, forceful masculine and it makes them aware that they don’t want to be that, so they delve more into the feminine. These men might start to lose their purpose. I have talked with women who want a man who is not a pleaser or passive. Someone who matches their strength. The light of the masculine can be forceful without being aggressive.

Listen to Stop Saving Others and Start Loving Yourself Ep. 128

I am hosting a two-day Coaching Training Workshop about how to build your coaching or service-based business, to make money and be masterful at it.  Contact Jill@christinehassler.com  if you are interested in attending on May 5th and 6th in San Diego.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in a career transition into something that feels like it is a deeper calling for you?
  • Have you healed a lot of aspects from your childhood but still feel a bit stuck?
  • Can you relate to being a savior?
  • If you are a man, how do you feel about being a man? What do you think your role should be? If you are a woman, how do you want men to show up in your life?

William’s Question:

William would like some clarity about a career decision.

William’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • He has work-related PTSD.
  • There were alcohol and drug abuses in his family.
  • He wants to be a savior to women.
  • He is asking for permission to move forward.
  • He feels men are aggressive.
  • He feels taken advantage of by women.
  • He wants to save women.
  • He has been looking for an identity.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • He should work on healing the divine masculine part of himself.
  • He should embrace his masculinity and not be afraid of his power.
  • He should move away from the extreme and bring his masculinity into balance.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Are you a rescuer? Do you relate to being a caretaker?
  • Growing up, what opinions did you form about being a man or a woman? Write out, ‘being a man means…’ or ‘being a woman means…’
  • Write, from a spiritual perspective, what being in the divine masculine and feminine means to you.
  • Get clear on your purpose and vision.

Sponsor:

Freshbooks is easy-to-use cloud accounting software for self-employed professionals. Freshbooks helps you master your business with online payments and project management options. Receive an unrestricted 30-day free trial by using OVERITANDONWITHIT in the how did you hear about us section.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For men interested in being on the show

The Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest Lives, by Lewis Howes

David Deida Books

Allison Armstrong Resources

Tweetables:

A man’s job is not to protect or save women. A man’s job is to respect, honor, and cherish… Click To Tweet

The masculine has gotten a bad rap lately. We need more men to step into masculinity.… Click To Tweet

Guardian angels help us when we ask. They are not enablers. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

EP 127: Stop Saving Others and Start Loving Yourself with Alice

EP127v2 (1)

This call is about being a people pleaser in an effort to connect with other people. Today’s caller, Alice, lives in the Savior archetype. She identifies with doing for others and taking care of others. People in the Savior archetype often end up sacrificing themselves and their time in “service” to others. But, is it really service when we are not making choices that support our own self-care?

Being a people pleaser empties our cup and gets in the way of our being able to serve at our highest potential. You do not need to attract love through people feeling bad for you and you don’t need a sob story to connect or to be valuable.

Making self-honoring choices is not selfish! You are not here to save anyone else. Life is all about connecting to and nourishing your own soul. Accept who you are, where you are and your path. Honor your soul’s path. Don’t let your past become your future.

I am in Australia until the end of February. If any of you Aussies would like a one-hour, four-hour or all day session with me contact Jill@ChristineHassler.com.

And, I have a new Coaches Corner episode with Marie Forleo to listen to about how to make an impact in the world by doing what you love.

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you still carrying around your childhood trauma or your parent’s pain, fears, or belief systems?
  • Do you want to feel more connected and have better relationships in your life?
  • What is your relationship with trust like? Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?
  • Do you like to take care of others so much so much so that you are better at it than you are of taking care of yourself?

Alice’s Question:

Alice wants to know how to move past her past traumas to have better relationships.

Alice’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She has a problem trusting other people, including friends.
  • She doesn’t share all of herself with other people.
  • She feels judged by her mother.
  • She is hard on herself.
  • She is working with a therapist.
  • She sees herself as damaged.
  • She comes from a pure place.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She shouldn’t internalize her mother’s judgments and fears.
  • She should stop thinking about herself as damaged and know she deserves love and connection.
  • She should research the Savior archetype.
  • She should get in touch with her own body.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Be honest about who you are trying to save. It’s time to bring the focus back to yourself.
  • Break generational patterns without any attachment to changing, teaching, or helping your parents.
  • Consider the Savior archetype. If it resonates with you look at you are trying to save yourself and/or get love through saving others.
  • Tell yourself things about yourself that are amazing. Own who you are and what we love about ourselves and tell others; it’s not bragging.

Sponsor:

Daily Burn — An online fitness video program that gets results that last. They provide a personalized workout plan including cardio, yoga, dance, kickboxing and more. Free 60-day trial by using the link above.

Freshbooks is easy-to-use cloud accounting software for self-employed professionals. Freshbooks helps you master your business with online payments and project management options. Receive an unrestricted 30-day free trial by using OVERITANDONWITHIT in the how did you hear about us section.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For men interested in being on the show

Tweetables:

When we are disconnected from ourselves and judge ourselves harshly, it’s hard to build… Click To Tweet

When we heal ourselves, it can affect our past and future generational patterns.… Click To Tweet

Reverse the Golden Rule and do onto yourself what you would do to others.… Click To Tweet

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