Tag Archives: strong

EP 123: Being Strong is Overrated with Kelsey

EP123v2This episode is about surrender. Kelsey feels blocked financially and is looking for advice on how to get unstuck when it comes to her dead-end job and finances. We don’t actually end up talking about either of those things. We delve into her underlying patterns caused by her not feeling safe.

All of us experience not feeling safe in some way and we make ourselves feel safe in different ways. We may outsource it through relationships with other people, maybe we overwork ourselves to make a lot of money or we attempt to be in control of everything in our lives.

Resilience is important but make sure you don’t do it by means of suppression. We must be willing to feel, acknowledge, and heal old wounds. Being a victim or feeling sorry for ourselves is not what emotional processing is about. We can truly heal and liberate ourselves from anything but we must be willing to deal with what ‘is’ our life.

To create change in your life you must create a feeling of internal safety.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you struggling with finances or a job you hate?
  • Do you relate to being strong and believe you have to be strong? Do you relish the fact that others acknowledge you for being strong?
  • What does vulnerability mean to you? Is it a weakness?
  • Are you an overachiever, control freak or type ‘A’ personality? Do you feel safer when you are in control?
  • How are you at surrendering? How are you just letting go and trusting that things will just work out?

Kelsey’s Question:

Kelsey feels blocked financially and would like to know how she can build wealth again.

Kelsey’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She is afraid to slow her life down.
  • She has created compensatory strategies to make herself feel safe.
  • She beats herself up over her choices.
  • She does personal growth work.
  • She feels like she’s a burden to others.
  • She is neglecting her emotional needs.
  • She doesn’t have to prove her worth to anyone.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should take a month to bathe herself in love, be kind to herself and create safety and security within herself.
  • She should break the pattern of panic and go into reassurance.
  • She should research inner child meditations.

Action Steps:


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It’s hard to heal a wound that your repeating patterns keep re-opening.

Do you soothe your discomfort with resilience, planning, and action? What would the outcome be if you soothed yourself with love?

Where in your life can you let go, for 30 days, and allow the universe to surprise you?


Stop being so strong!

When something disappointing happens, we often buy into the assumption that we are being tested and that passing the test depends on pushing through and persevering. Many of us do not give ourselves permission to be vulnerable, feel our feelings, or ask for help.

We live in a world where being strong and pretending we are “FINE” (Feelings Inside Not Expressed) is not only common, but often rewarded. “Be strong” is one of the most common pieces of advice I’ve heard, and it’s my least favorites because the implication is we shouldn’t feel. So we put on a mask, trying to look strong on the outside while falling apart on the inside.

Being strong is overrated. Pushing away an Expectation Hangover usually means you’re going to be pushing aside some valuable learning and healing. Vulnerability is a powerful tool for healing. Harshness and mental toughness diminish vulnerability. (Tweet this!!)

Perseverance is important when dealing with challenges in life, but the key is to persevere by asking, “what am I learning” rather than mustering the strength to push it away or jump over it.

This is exactly what I coach Kelsey on in this week’s podcast. As a young breast cancer survivor, she has identified with “being strong,” but as you will hear in this call what has seemingly been her greatest asset is turning into a liability.

Being strong is preventing her from actually healing and moving forward in her life in the way she desires.

Listen to a clip below:

Go here to listen to the entire episode 123

Consider: Have you been told by others, or do you tell yourself, to “be strong” when you are upset or something challenging happens? What are the costs of “being strong”? What does vulnerability mean to you?

Be resilient without repression. Although it may seem like we are protecting ourselves, being strong via suppression erects walls around our hearts and reinforces beliefs about it not being safe to feel our feelings or share them with another. Please do not underestimate the healing power and true strength of vulnerability.

For more on how to feel safe without having to be strong, be sure to listen to my coaching session with Kelsey on the podcast.

With love,


p.s. Super excited to reveal my new coaching training program: Unleashed! Designed for those of you looking to create or grow a thriving coaching business. I know it can take years or decades of study and practice to build a complete toolbox of coaching techniques. I’m here to give you the shortcut to success. Learn more about Unleashed here: http://bit.ly/2CFOepY

p.p.s. I’M COMING TO AUSTRALIA!!!!  I will be down under the entire month of February and will be offering:

1. A 2-day retreat on Feb 10 and 11th in Sydney for health and life coaches teaching you both the art and business of coaching. Learn how to become a masterful coach AND make money at it.

2. 90 minute sessions, ½ day or full day intensives

Email jill@christinehassler.com if you are interested in either or both and we will get you on a list to be the first to get all the details.