WITH CHRISTINE HASSLER
One of my most important dates
It is so cool that we get to experience a wide range of emotions like joy, love, inspiration, gratitude and so many feelings that feel so yummy. But not all of our emotions feel super great, so what do we do with those?
Well the answer is NOT to suppress them or attempt to get out of them as quickly as possible through any kind of suppression, distraction, or numbing device. Our feelings have messages and mega healing opportunities so it’s important to actually feel them @christinhassler (Tweet this!).
But sometimes emotions come up at inconvenient times, like in the middle of your workday when a co-worker says something upsetting and you want to scream. Or at the grocery store when a song comes on that reminds you of an ex and you fight bursting into tears.
What do you do in those moments?
Well . . . you make a date with your feelings! I realize that may sound incredibly cheesy so hear me out as I explain why this is so important and how to do it in today’s vlog.
We all need a way to respond to feelings that does not perpetuate suppression. Our feelings have feelings. I know that may sound strange, but it’s true. When our feelings don’t feel they are acknowledged, they end up being recycled and coming back later, snowballing into a more intense feeling. Or even manifesting as fatigue, irritability, a health issue and other things that I bet are not on any vision board of yours.
The next time you experience a negative feeling, instead of attempting to ignore it or make it go away, simply acknowledge it in the moment. You do this by inwardly saying to the feeling, “Hello [insert whatever feeling is present]. I feel, acknowledge, and honor your presence. I know you have an important message for me.” Next, make a date with your feeling by saying, “I commit to processing you at [insert a time you know you will be alone and available to fully feel your feeling].”
Do not flake on your date with your feelings! Keeping your word with yourself is an important part of building self-trust; and self-trust is an integral part of feeling confident in your ability to move through anything that comes up in life.
If you want to learn more about how to process your feelings and the difference between recycling and releasing them, I encourage you to work through the emotional level of the treatment plan in Expectation Hangover. I inserted an excerpt below the p.s.
Honor your emotions because they always present an opportunity for learning and healing. Make dates with your feelings!
P.S. My Costa Rica is around the corner and almost sold out. Come for five days in paradise that is both deeply healing and incredibly fun!! Email firstname.lastname@example.org to apply and go here for more info
Excerpt from Expectation Hangover: Recycling versus Releasing Feelings
“If you want to enjoy the rainbow, be prepared to endure the storm.” — Warren Wendel Wiersbe
Now, you may be thinking, “I’m an emotional person. I do feel my feelings — I cry, and sometimes I even yell.” Or, “I’ve processed my emotions in the past. There is no deep emotional work I need to do related to my hangover.” Did you have a good cry yet still get limited relief, despite going through a box of Kleenex? Or take your anger to a boxing class but still leave feeling mad about something? Or experience temporary relief from upsetting emotions tied to Expectation Hangovers in the past but notice that they tend to resurface in a familiar way when another disappointment comes along? These things happen because most of us recycle our feelings rather than truly releasing them.
Without self-compassion (remember self-compassion is the lifeline the Surfer relies on when riding the waves of emotion), the same feeling continues to get triggered in different ways. I call this recycling. Conversely, releasing a feeling is when you allow yourself to express it without any judgment, analysis, interpretation, or desire to get out of it. Feelings get recycled rather than released when we try to interpret, blame, figure out, or fix them rather than allowing them to be expressed. When we do not allow ourselves to become the Surfer and ride the feeling long enough to experience its full impact, we end up recycling the feeling, and it continues to resurface.
The hangover-like symptoms we experience and the judgments we make are usually connected to unresolved issues from the past with a similar resonance. It’s as if some part of our consciousness is saying, “Oh, I feel a sense of rejection right now. Hmmm . . . I’ve felt this before. So now I’m going to bring up all those familiar feelings from the past that are still inside because maybe now that they’ve been triggered again, I can heal them.” For exam- ple, during my divorce, I was processing not only the end of the relationship with my husband, but also the unprocessed grief from my earlier life that I had pushed aside. This cumulative experience is the way all Expectation Hangovers work, which is why they can feel so emotionally overwhelming and confusing.
Read more from Expectation Hangover