We are not always good friends to ourselves and it can be reflected back to us in our friendships — like it is today in my call with Claire. One of Claire’s friendships has just reached an expiration date and she is learning valuable lessons from it.
Other people can be mirrors for us and often, it takes someone else to wake us up. If a friend treats us bad enough it causes us to look inside ourselves to understand what it is showing us. It can show us the kind of friend we are being to ourselves.
Don’t stay in an unhealthy friendship or one that doesn’t serve either of you. We tend to hold on to friendships just a little longer because we don’t have to see the person as much. We justify putting up with it or we think we need to stay in the friendship because of the history. Or, we don’t have the guts to end it because we don’t want to upset somebody.
When we have a fierce inner critic it doesn’t compartmentalize. It doesn’t cheer us on in our career and then pick us apart physically. It is pervasive in all aspects of our lives. A fierce inner critic can impact our confidence. We can take something personally to our detriment or we can take it personally toward our growth.
To get what you want, you have to believe that what you want is out there. Your longing is your psychic knowing.
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- Are you compartmentalizing your life? Are you stuck in one area that may be caused by an unresolved issue in another area of your life?
- If you talked to or treated your friends like you do to yourself would you have any friends?
- Is your confidence down? Do you find yourself on the receiving end of criticism from other people?
- Do you have any friendships that have passed their expiration date and are no longer healthy for you to continue?
Claire wants to get unstuck in her life after an emotional falling out with friends.
Claire’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She found a friend’s comments inappropriate.
- She can be critical of herself and lack self-confidence.
- Her friend is a mirror of how she treats herself.
- Questioning herself has impacted her career momentum.
- She goes through cycles of emotional sensitivity.
- She doesn’t enjoy certain aspects of her job.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- She should leverage this experience to perpetuate her growth.
- She should write down 50 things about herself she is grateful for.
- She should write out a description of what she wants from her work.
- She should collect evidence about why the job she wants does exist.
- Do a friendship inventory. Look at the friends in your life and ask yourself ‘Is this an aligned friendship? Has this friendship passed its expiration date and is it time to complete this relationship and move on?’
- How can you be a better friend to yourself? Start being kind to yourself.
- Write a detailed list of what you want. Get a picture in your mind and take action.
- Make a list of 50 things you are grateful for.
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