This call is about trust, belonging, and establishing connections in relationships. Today’s caller, Jesse, has a lot of awareness about what is holding her back but can’t seem to change her behavior specifically when it comes to having close connections, intimate relationships, and trusting others. If you feel you don’t belong, know you are not alone. We all have felt that way at one time or another.
It’s important we do inner work but we live in an interdependent world. For things to shift we have to practice with other people, especially when it comes to trust. If we always keep people at a distance, we will never learn how to trust people.
When practicing it is good to start in safe environments — a personal growth workshop, a yoga class, or a community where you can practice being vulnerable in front of other people. And, in intimate relationships, take ownership of your stuff when it comes up.
Most intimate relationships fail because rather than speaking the truth or being vulnerable and saying what we are scared of we create what we are scared of. We are scared of losing the relationship but we don’t speak it. We don’t give the other person the opportunity to work through it with us. We sabotage it or just leave. We create our worst nightmare.
It’s much healthier to practice vulnerability and to speak up in relationships because then we have an opportunity to move through it. And, in social situations, instead of practicing vulnerability, try practicing curiosity. Get out of your own head by asking people about themselves.
There are people who want you in their tribe. You have to believe that you do belong with your people. And, you have to give people a chance. Don’t assume you don’t belong somewhere.
People may surprise you.
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- Do you have a story you are carrying around from your past that impacts your present in a not-so-great way?
- Are you from a divorced family?
- Do you see how your limiting beliefs limit you but you can’t seem to change them?
- Do you struggle with vulnerability and intimate relationships?
- Do you have anxiety around social situations?
Jesse doesn’t feel like she belongs and has difficulty connecting with people.
Jesse’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
- She comes from a divorced family.
- She is aware she doesn’t trust.
- She has done therapy.
- She has anxiety in social environments.
- She’s a people pleaser.
- She finds it difficult to be vulnerable.
- She feels judged and abandoned.
- She sabotages relationships.
- She abandons herself.
- She is ready to integrate changes into her story.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- She needs to remind herself that being vulnerable leads to relief and compassion.
- She needs to be more honorable and vulnerable in relationships.
- She needs to tap into her five-year-old self and get curious about other people in social situations, like my Spring Retreat in San Diego or the Hawaii Retreat.
- Connect to the part of you that is thriving, joyous, happy and free. My Personal Mastery course will give you the tools and techniques for it.
- Learn how to be vulnerable in safe places.
- Speak your truth in intimate relationships.
- Practice the superpower of curiosity. Ask questions!
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