This episode is about how to individualize and feel safe if you grew up in a chaotic environment and are always waiting for the worst-case scenario. Today’s caller, Megan, is stuck in grief after the loss of her mother. As we discover, what is really holding her back is a lifetime pattern of not connecting to her own inner wisdom and sense of self and living with an inconsistent parent which keeps her in the ‘preparing for the other shoe to drop’ mental and emotional cycle.
If as a kid you don’t have safety or security or there is inconsistency, you never know what exactly to expect. You learn to protect yourself by preparing yourself for the worst-case scenario by being on high-alert and being on guard all the time.
This hyper-vigilance preparing for the worst pattern is common when we have enmeshment with our parents because there is a certain developmental stage where we need to develop our own inner wisdom and we need to separate from our parents, at around age five. If we are overly enmeshed with a parent or we are in tune with their emotional needs, we don’t develop our own inner voice. We become externally referenced. It’s hard to find peace and solace within because we don’t have a strong sense of self. We think that the panicky voice is ours but it’s not. It’s just a part of us that got over-developed because our own inner wisdom and trust didn’t develop the way it needed to.
Worst-case scenario thinking is a protective defense. It’s what we do when we have had a lot of things happen in our lives that were unexpected and were too big for us to process. Our systems create worst-case scenario thinking to prepare us for the worst. It’s a normal reaction AND it’s healable and shiftable. But, it is a process, so it can take a little bit of time.
Creating a sense of safety is important for anyone who is going through any kind of pain. You want to make sure if you are working with a practitioner that you feel 100% safe. You shouldn’t feel pushed or judged and you shouldn’t feel as if someone is trying to fix you or solve a problem. You really want someone who will hold a safe container for you where you can just release, emote, and be held energetically.
It’s important to be patient with your process. When worrying comes up, don’t make it wrong, just observe it, thank it, and ask it what it really needs.
- Is there grief or a loss you can’t seem to move beyond?
- Did you grow up with an alcoholic or absent parent?
- Do you have a pattern of worst-case scenario thinking?
- Are you good at supporting and being compassionate with others but when it comes to yourself, you judge, criticize, analyze, and worry?
- Do you feel safe?
Megan is struggling with the grief from the death of her mother and would like guidance on how to move forward.
Megan’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- Her life was chaotic while she was growing up.
- She was mature at a young age.
- She has been living in this pattern for a long time.
- She judges herself.
- She works as a therapist.
- She feels stuck when trying to move forward in her life.
- She has difficulty relaxing.
- She has been suppressing her emotions.
- She’s ready to accept her coping strategies.
- Her mother was an alcoholic.
- She chased her father’s approval.
- Her soul chose her life path and her parents.
- She feels like she is on her own.
- She feels nurtured during our conversation.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- She needs to find a sense of safety within herself.
- She needs to express herself and be held and supported.
- Her divine assignment is to heal her nervous system.
- She needs to accept where she is, thank her inner critic, and get support to help her through her healing.
- She should attend my Mastery Class and do the Empty Chair process.
- If you have worst-case scenario thinking, allow yourself to take it all the way through to the worst case. You will probably find a solution. Know that it is not you, you are not a doomsday voice. It’s a part of you that was engineered to protect you.
- If you feel stuck in a cycle of grief or sadness, get the support you need. Read the Are You Getting the Support You Need? blog and be mindful about getting the right support.
- Feel your feelings.
- Have a spiritual practice to connect more deeply to your higher power.
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