Ever try to change someone else? Like your spouse, boss, or a friend? How did that work out? I’m guessing not very well. It was most likely frustrating at best and you learned, like I have learned along the way, that you CANNOT change people.
Yet, people can change…including you so please do not give up hope on your ability to change. Or better said, please do not give up on your capability to heal, grow and evolve into your highest potential.
This has been one of my major lessons in life. At my core, I am the same person I have always been, but certain behaviors and struggles that were once in my life are not there anymore. Let me get a little more vulnerable here . . .
If my fiance Stefanos asked my ex’s what it was like to be in a relationship with me, my ex-fiance probably would have warned him about my battle with depression and body dysmorphia. He may have shared how hard it was to be with my moodiness, self-loathing and complete discontent with my purpose in life. And my ex-husband may have warned Stef about my ambition, often controlling behavior, and health challenges. He may share about how judgmental or completely shut down/unaffectionate I could be.
I used the struggles and breakups of past relationships to learn about myself (if you haven’t noticed, romantic relationships tend to bring up all our sh#t!). I healed the wounding that was perpetuating my unloving behavior so that I could show up differently for myself and in relationship. I didn’t want to be a moody, shut-down, depressed person!
Because I know first hand that it is 100% possible to heal and then be different in relationship, I was also able to trust that Stefanos had transformed his past. He openly shares about being unfaithful with past girlfriends and he used that pain to dive deep into his own healing journey. By the time he got to me, that behavior was complete. It was nothing I had to change or even worry about because he shows up differently for himself, me, and us.
Remember these two keys:
1. You can change, heal or transform anything about yourself but you canNOT change someone else
2. People can change. Please do not hold their past against them if they have done the work to heal it.
The capital T Truth here is that we are all here to change, or more accurately said, evolve. We can be catalysts or inspire evolution in others but the only person you have the power to evolve is YOU, so focus on your evolution and allow others the dignity of their own process.
And speaking of change, one of the main ways we transform is by breaking old patterns that keep creating the same unwanted results or feelings. In this week’s episode of my podcast, I coach Jasmine on how to identify and break old patterns that are keeping her in a cycle of feeling trapped.
P.s. Attention EAST COASTERS I’m coming to you this summer! I’ll be teaching a workshop at the Omega Institute June 14-16. Go here to join me. Use the code OEH when your register and receive 20% off the tuition. This is the ONLY event I have planned for the year on the east coast.