EP 191: Find Yourself When You Feel Lost with Priscilla

This episode is about up-leveling and learning to meet our own needs. Today’s caller, Priscilla, wants to feel ‘happy’ again because she feels like she has lost herself and is experiencing depression. But what we discover is she wasn’t really authentically happy. She was in a pattern of attending and people-pleasing. She’s closer to who she really is than she’s ever been but because she is going through the process of up-leveling she is stuck in anxiety and fear.

Many times when we feel lost and are trying to get back to something, or when we want to go back to the way things were, what we are really missing is the familiar, not who we truly are. And, when we are “trying to find ourselves” it’s about letting go and taking off the mask. Deep down we are ‘in there.’ Our truest self, our soul essence is in there. It’s just been covered up by all the masks and survival strategies we had to create to make ourselves feel safe.

During this time it can feel like we are losing our mind or we are losing a part of ourselves because we are deconstructing what has been linked to our belonging, love, and survival. So, be honest with yourself about what personal development looks like for you.

Happiness is not a consistent state. Things we can aim for consistently are gratitude, acceptance, and presence. Sustainable happiness is about contentment and it’s about being real with yourself. When we start realizing the person we’ve been or were pretending to be is not who we truly are, it involves massive uncertainty. We don’t know what is coming next.

As we grow and up-level it can be uncomfortable. We want answers but we have to find them inside of ourselves, not from others.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you feel a bit lost and don’t know what your purpose is or are you trying to get back to an old familiar identity? Is that part of you really you in the first place?
  • What behavior patterns or strategies did you have to develop to get love, to stay safe, to be protected?
  • Do you identify with someone who is codependent? And, if so, are you ready to start meeting your own needs by yourself?

Priscilla’s Question:

Priscilla feels lost and would like guidance on how to find herself again.

Priscilla’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She has been in a codependent relationship.
  • She is triggered by her ex.
  • She feels she is missing something.
  • She gets depressed.
  • Her parents promoted hiding her authentic self.
  • She’s a people pleaser.
  • She’s repressing grief and anger.
  • She has body issues.
  • She’s working through the exercises in Expectation Hangover.
  • She’s a single mother of a two-year-old.
  • She is in a phase of deconstructing her own identity.
  • She is denying her own truth.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to stop judging herself.
  • She needs to take off her mask to let other people see her.
  • She needs to understand that she doesn’t have to go through this alone.
  • She needs to find some time to let herself cry.
  • She needs to stop projecting the future.
  • She needs to let go of her previous coping mechanisms.


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