EP 200: Breaking Out of the Pattern of Not-Enoughness with Sara

This episode is about learning to meet your own needs to find fulfillment. Today’s caller, Sara, is not where she wants to be in life. Old programming makes her feel judged and unworthy. Sara, maybe like you, has a soul contract that she is here to learn how to parent herself. She chose parents who didn’t know how to meet her needs and didn’t know how to love her in the way she needed to be loved. We discuss ways she can empower herself to get everything she needs from within.

Think about how you give away your power. Is it with decision making? Is it with not speaking up? Is it being in personal or professional relationships where your needs are not being met? Maybe you are not being treated well in a relationship and you continue to stay?

Are you giving away your power by not taking care of your physical body? Because it is very disempowering, not to be embodied. Are you disempowering yourself sexually? Are you giving your body to people or situations you are not a full ‘yes’ to? Are you saying yes when you really mean no or not yet?

The more you give away your power the more you will feel like other people are disempowering you. You will not get your power back by getting mad or blaming. It’s the old way. We take back our power by empowering ourselves and looking at all the ways we give away our power.

If you just keep processing and continuing to analyze yourself but you don’t put new supportive, uplifting behaviors in place, you will continue to default back to your old programming. On a practical level, consider how you can meet your own needs more. Slow down and when you get triggered or upset, put one hand on your heart or one on your belly and say “What do I need in this moment?”

No one can meet your needs in the way they need to be met until you learn how to meet your own needs. You don’t have to be perfect at it, but you need to be able to communicate your needs to someone else.

So, where are you giving away your power?

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in a place in your life where you are having a massive expectation hangover and are feeling unfulfilled?
  • How are you at meeting your own needs? Do you sometimes go without eating or slack off on your self-care?
  • Did you have parents that didn’t see you or know how to meet your needs?
  • Do you struggle with not-enoughness and feel you don’t deserve everything you dream of?

Sara’s Question:

Sara has been doing personal growth work for some time but wonders why she is still not where she wants to be in life.

Sara’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels unfulfilled and unhappy.
  • She felt abandoned by a previous relationship.
  • She doesn’t enjoy living where she lives.
  • She has a low-energy level.
  • She was depressed for much of her childhood.
  • She’s never had a good role model.
  • She doesn’t feel worthy or deserving.
  • She is modeling her life based on her parents.
  • She has difficulty getting over rejection.
  • She feels like her parents judge her and put a lot of pressure on her.
  • She wants to be loved and accepted.
  • She has been trying to figure out why she is the way she is.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to hold a compassionate place for herself.
  • She needs to reconnect to her little girl and mother her.
  • She needs to learn to meet her own needs in a loving way.
  • She needs to slow down and give herself what she didn’t get as a child.
  • She needs to feel her feelings and meet them with compassion.
  • She needs to start a daily practice of asking herself what she needs.

Action Steps:

  • Feed yourself, not only with good food but with good thoughts.
  • Stop blaming others and stop looking for someone else to come and save you. Empower yourself by taking responsibility for meeting the needs that were not met by your parents.
  • Greet your feelings with empathy.
  • Have a picture of your little girl or little boy nearby. Check-in with them regularly by asking them “what do I need?”


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