This episode is about feeling shut off and struggling with vulnerability. Today’s caller, Daisy, has created a behavioral pattern based on losing her faith in the universe at age 14. She thinks she is too much in her masculine ego, she is too judgmental and too cynical. But we discover she isn’t any of those things.

Even though you think it may be healthier to be more open, it may have been more healthy for you to have walls up until now because it has protected you. Until a part of us is truly ready to start to process the things that made us put up the walls in the first place, it is sometimes better for our psyche and wellbeing to have the walls up.

When we reach the point where it is brought to our awareness or we have the awareness that the walls are no longer protecting us, we realize the walls are blocking love. They are keeping out perceived and possible hurt but they are also keeping out the love and intimacy that we want.

It’s also necessary not to judge our protective patterns and to forgive ourselves from them.

I’m not a fan of people praising themselves or others for being strong. Emotional strength is also seen as something healthy but the way we think about emotional strength is actually not healthy.

Being strong is normally a bi-product of shutting down. Stuffing our emotions so far under the rug and/or developing bypassing techniques so we don’t feel them is not really helping. Often, being strong results in a lot of walls being put up. You may feel validated for being intimate and strong but often there is a lack of intimate relationships; be resilient and willing, instead.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Have you been told you are too judgmental or critical?
  • If you are a woman, do you feel connected to your feminine energy or do you feel that you operate more in your masculine?
  • Have there been significant life event you swept under the rug or have hidden in your past and you know they are impacting your present?
  • Does vulnerability make you uncomfortable? Are you turned off by it?


Daisy’s Question:

Daisy struggles with feeling vulnerable and getting in touch with her emotions. She also feels she clings to her masculine energy.


Daisy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels shut off emotionally.
  • She has difficulty with her own vulnerability and the vulnerability of others.
  • She has been told she is judgmental.
  • She experienced trauma as a child.
  • She feels she has a masculine ego.
  • She can get angry without knowing where it is coming from.
  • Her older brother died in the war.
  • It may be time for her to process her feelings.
  • She shut down when others offered her sympathy or pity.
  • She didn’t want to be seen as a victim.
  • She missed out on the grieving process over her brother’s death.


How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to forgive herself for judging herself for her process.
  • She needs to develop empathy.
  • She needs to find a healer or somatic therapist who can help her grieve.
  • She needs to realize she put up protective walls.
  • She should read Expectation Hangover and sign up for the Mastery Course.



  • What are your protective patterns? What patterns have resulted in walls going up? Can you have empathy and compassion for those patterns and see that they did serve you?
  • Do you empathize or sympathize more? Do you go into judgment and pity people? Can you work toward more compassion and empathy?
  • Is there something you need to grieve? I encourage you to have your space and grace to have your grieving process.



Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community.

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Empathy doesn’t mean you don’t feel. It is feeling without judgment or feeling sorry for the other person. Click To Tweet What softens the ego is compassion. Compassion is a superpower when it comes to healing. Click To Tweet True vulnerability is about letting people in and letting people see our most authentic self and being able to feel our feelings. Click To Tweet