This episode is about why things may not be changing even after you’ve done a lot of self-awareness work. Today’s caller, Kelsey, is in a new relationship but is still being triggered even though she is aware it is happening. We work through how she can get out of her head and release her self-protective behaviors.

Awareness is the first step of any healing or transformation. It’s a powerful and often difficult step to look at the past and understand why we are the way we are and why we respond the way we respond. But connecting the dots or knowing something in our mind is not enough to change an attachment style. It doesn’t complete the transformation process.

Integration and healing take more than awareness. The process takes doing the inner child work, going back to our emotions that we stuffed aside. It takes working with a therapist or coach. It takes practice as well.

It also takes getting out of your head and into your body and your feelings. Awareness is in our mind. It’s liberating to psychoanalyze ourselves and connect dots but we can’t stay in our mind and expect to change. I see a lot of people getting stuck there.

If you can relate to being in your head and having a lot of awareness, you will love this episode.

To release self-protective behaviors, heal past pain, and reclaim your confidence, peace, power, and purpose attend my Spring Retreat in San Diego, March 6th–8th. Go to or email

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Have you done a lot of work but still find the same triggers and patterns are holding you back?
  • Do you have a ton of awareness, so much so that you think you should be different but aren’t?
  • In close relationships, do you have a pattern of either pushing someone away or being super clingy or both?
  • Did you feel safe and seen as a child? Do you feel safe and seen now?


Kelsey’s Question:

Kelsey is struggling with anxious attachment and would like guidance on being her true self.


Kelsey’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She is in a new relationship.
  • She feels she is not being her true self.
  • She feels more aware but hasn’t been able to change.
  • She needs validation.
  • She gets needy and clingy or pushes people away.
  • She didn’t get feedback or support from her parents.
  • She received conflicting messages from her mother.
  • She doesn’t feel seen or protected.
  • She is committed to changing.


How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to release her self-judgment and move into full acceptance of her self-protective behavior.
  • She needs to remember her partner has wounding too.
  • She needs to find a word or phrase that relays how she is feeling when she is triggered.
  • She needs to get out of her head and into her feelings.
  • She should attend my Spring Retreat or my Personal Mastery course.



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Put one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly and say ‘I am safe.’ Click To Tweet Things don’t change without compassion and acceptance. Click To Tweet Growth is a process, not an event, so be gentle with yourself in your process. Click To Tweet