This episode is about working through the unconscious resistance that is keeping you from fully integrating healing work. Today’s caller, Sara, wants to bring love into her life  and feels that she has done so much work. She is wondering why the work isn’t working. If you can relate to doing a lot of work but not seeing the impact or you have a lot of awareness but are not seeing the results, this call will help you to understand it and move forward.

In relationships, the three-month mark is when the honeymoon period starts to wear off. Hormones wear off and old wounding starts to bubble up. This allows us the opportunity to work through it.

Our issues with our parents show up in our relationships, regardless if the issue was with mom or dad. For example, you don’t have to have daddy issues to have relationships with men. If you are a heterosexual woman you could have mommy issues and attract men like mommy. The same goes for men. You could have daddy issues and attract women like daddy. It doesn’t matter the gender or sex of your partner it’s more about the unresolved issue that is causing the wound.

Our safety beliefs set a strong vibrational tone. They unconsciously broadcast that you won’t let anyone in. This also ties into why certain counselors or therapies aren’t working. There is a conscious openness but there can be an unconscious resistance also. It’s that resistance that can stave off the full integration of your healing work.

Healing takes time. Sometimes parts of us aren’t ready to let things go or sometimes the tools have to be upleveled. We have to find different teachers or different tools. When it comes to patterns that have been there since we were young, it takes time. You can’t just go to one retreat or do therapy for a year or one big emotional release and think that you are done. I’m not saying it can’t happen but if it’s not happening, please don’t beat yourself up.

I empathize with being a black sheep of the family. Maybe your truest self wasn’t nurtured. If you focus on finding your voice and your power and let go of finding a man not only will you eventually find a man who is more aligned with you but you also find a like-minded community and tribe where you don’t feel like the black sheep.

To release self-protective behaviors, heal past pain, and reclaim your confidence, peace, power, and purpose attend my Spring Retreat in San Diego, March 6th–8th. The early bird discount of $500 expires on November 30th. Go to or email

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Did you have a parent who was unsupportive
  • Are you struggling to call in a relationship?
  • Do you know you have issues but can’t seem to change things?
  • Do you feel like a black sheep or misunderstood in your family?


Sara’s Question:

At 36, Sara is struggling with dating and would like guidance on how to find a supportive partner.


Sara’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She isn’t making it past the three-month mark in relationships.
  • She dates on and off but nothing sticks.
  • She doesn’t have a close relationship with her parents.
  • She is free-spirited, creative, and independent.
  • Her mother isn’t supportive.
  • She attracts partners who don’t support her.
  • She has a high tolerance for people treating her badly.
  • She feels she has to do everything on her own.
  • She is aware of her patterns and limiting beliefs.
  • She has done a lot of personal work but hasn’t worked through her feelings.
  • She’s not great at setting boundaries.
  • Her creativity was muted.


How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should attend my Spring Retreat.
  • She needs to ask people in her life for support.
  • She needs to speak with a counselor or therapist.
  • She needs to allow herself to feel anger toward her mother.
  • She needs to forgive herself for feeling she should be further along in healing.



  • Check inside and ask if there is any resistance.
  • Do I have trust issues that are impacting how much I let therapy or coaching in?
  • If you deal with not feeling supported, how are you at asking for support?
  • Come to the Spring Retreat.



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Generally, our romantic relationships reflect unresolved issues from our childhood. Click To Tweet Part of the healing process is letting ourselves express the anger we feel at someone. Click To Tweet For those of you who are obsessed with forgiving, forgive yourself. Click To Tweet