This episode is about replacing self-judgment with compassion and seeing yourself for who you really are. Today’s caller, Jennifer, felt like she was unwanted and a burden as a child. As an adult, she judges herself for judging herself. We work through her childhood wounds and conditioning with compassion and understanding. If you relate to being hard yourself,  your criticism is a reflex and a habit. It is not who you are.

It’s important to stop being hard on yourself for being hard on yourself. You are going to be in a vicious cycle if you keep judging your judger and criticizing your inner critic. Compassion is the medicine. Catch yourself in the moment and notice when you are being hard on yourself then allow compassion in.

As children, we deify our parents or whoever raised us. But eventually, we realize they are just people, not Gods, and we start to take our power back. Keep in mind that our survival strategies can be hard to change. Our spiritual figures only have unconditional love for us. Never would any God be disappointed in you. There are only compassion and gentle reminders about the truth of who you are.

If you call yourself a lone wolf but the truth is you are lonely or, maybe you are in a comfort zone of being a lone wolf but deep down you crave connection, know that the desire to belong is necessary for all of us.

To release self-protective behaviors, heal past pain, and reclaim your confidence, peace, power, and purpose, attend my Spring Retreat in San Diego, March 6th–8th. The early bird discount of $500 expires on November 30th. Go to or email

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you consistently hard on yourself and never feel like enough is enough?
  • Did you grow up feeling unwanted or like a burden?
  • Do you claim to be a lone wolf even though deep down you long to belong?
  • If you are a believer, do you truly see yourself the way God, the universe sees you?


Jennifer’s Question:

Jennifer has done a lot of self-help work but continues to be hard on herself. She would like guidance on how to break the cycle.


Jennifer’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She beats herself up over things she has no control over.
  • She knows it’s not good for her but she doesn’t know how to stop.
  • She is in an endless cycle of judgment.
  • She didn’t have unconditional love in her life.
  • She felt she needed to referee her parent’s arguments.
  • She doesn’t feel good enough and unwanted.
  • She felt like she was a burden on her parents.
  • She gets compassion and disappointment confused.
  • She gave her power to her caregivers.
  • She wants to feel like she belongs.


How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to pray to be shown the way of Jesus.
  • She needs to have compassion for her survival instinct.
  • Her therapist should listen to this episode.
  • She should start reaching out and meeting people.
  • She needs to give herself credit for who she has become in spite of what she has been through.



  • Stop criticizing your inner critic. When you notice yourself doing it, stop, have compassion for yourself, and say something loving to yourself.
  • If it resonates with you, use this prayer “God please help me see myself the way you see me.”
  • Find a safe space to start connecting with people.



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How often were you made wrong or disregarded as a child even when you didn’t do anything wrong? Click To Tweet Knowing why and being able to analyze things doesn’t necessarily fix things but it helps us grow. Click To Tweet Criticizing yourself is a reflex and a habit. It is not who you are. Click To Tweet