This episode is about releasing self-judgment and embracing self-acceptance. Today’s caller, Mattie, has a pattern of feeling jealous of other women, even friends. It’s not because she is a jealous person, it is because she has childhood wounding. A lot of us beat ourselves up when we are feeling jealous. Because we judge it as an unenlightened emotion we judge it as selfish and petty and it feels crappy. There is a way out. Jealousy isn’t bad. So if you are beating yourself up, listen to this episode for the way through it.

If you think you are a jealous person, you are not. Jealousy is an alarm system. Stop identifying as a jealous person. Jealousy is a pattern. Think of it as a pattern of habitual thought. It’s a habitual reaction and it can often be protective. If you are jealous of someone, walls come up and people can’t get too close, which may keep you from being hurt.

Have a high level of self-acceptance and compassion for the part of you that feels jealous because it is just a part of you that is hurting. Sometime in  your life, you didn’t feel enough, or that you fit in, or that other people were better than you, or that you had to be different in order to get love. Forgive yourself for judging yourself as a jealous person and forgive yourself for judging jealousy.

All of us are here to learn self-acceptance and a sense of belonging.

The more you lean into the fact that we are all connected, the less jealous you will feel. People learn through contrast so experiencing extreme jealousy is a gateway into experiencing a sense of belonging and self-compassion.

Often, our trust issues don’t have to do with who we are with, they have to do with people from our past. It’s not fair to our current partner to project our past issues onto them.

It’s important to do our inner work or we will always be looking for something to go wrong.

To release self-protective behaviors, heal past pain, and reclaim your confidence, peace, power, and purpose, attend my Spring Retreat in San Diego, March 6th–8th. The early bird discount of $500 expires on November 30th. Go to or email

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you experience jealousy? Do you sometimes feel happiness for the people you love who have beauty, wealth, or success and other times you feel jealous of them?
  • Do you compare yourself to people? Do you beat yourself up for feeling jealous?
  • As a child, did you get your parent’s attention or did you have to fight for it?
  • Was there inconsistency in your family?
  • Are you constantly evaluating your own self-worth by having to measure up to others?


Mattie’s Question:

Mattie would like guidance working through the ‘extreme’ jealousy she feels towards other women, including friends.


Mattie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She wants to be supportive of her friends but feels jealous of them.
  • She has been unable to control her jealousy.
  • She felt rejected by her father.
  • Her father was an alcoholic.
  • Her father reinforced that women are threatening.
  • She was only validated for her success and looks.
  • She feels she could be discarded at any moment.
  • She feels her mother prioritized work over her.
  • She is evaluating beauty on a superficial scale.


How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to forgive herself and release the judgment.
  • She needs to realize that her soul is evolving.
  • She needs to look at what she is jealous of and realize that aspect of herself.
  • She needs to recognize her jealousy is an alarm system designed to help her break patterns.



  • If jealousy is something you deal with, consider what is it alerting you to?
  • Use jealousy as a positive projection exercise to recognize those qualities inside yourself.



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One of the soul lessons for all of us is learning a deep level of self-acceptance and understand that we are all one. Click To Tweet Unfortunately, we live in a culture that hasn’t really awakened to what true beauty is. Click To Tweet If you don’t feel safe and secure inside yourself because of your past wounding, no matter how trustworthy a partner is there will be a part of you that does not feel safe. Click To Tweet